CHAPTER 89: CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE: I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE

Christy’s POV

My mind was filled with so many unanswered questions and worry about all the recent happenings.

I kept staring out the window as we were returning to Kendrick’s place from Lydia’s funeral.

Nothing feels right and I can’t even recognize myself anymore.

Where was the fierce Christy that faced life head on and always tries to find joy in every dark situation?.

I looked at my reflection on the window and all I can see is a sad, lonely and scared damsel in distress.

This wasn’t me!

When did I become like this? So dependent on others and unable to do anything meaningful for myself.

Lydia wouldn’t have believed it if anyone had told her that she would die yesterday.

Life is so fragile and things can change in a second and just like that, we will be gone, leaving only achievements.

What have I achieved so far?

"What’s wrong? You have been sighing a lot" Kendrick’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"I want to start up something for myself" I told him directly and he looked at me with a frown.

"Why all of a sudden?" he asked me and I turned to look at the window, as the intensity in his eyes was too much for me to handle.

"I just want to have something to my name, something that is mine" I replied calmly.

"Everything that I have also belongs to you. Where is all of this coming from?" he asked and I could detect the faint annoyance in his voice.

"Why are you annoyed about me having something to my name? Is it a crime? I just want something that belongs to me, not something that belongs to you or my family!" I said and angrily turned to face him.

He looked at me before sighing.

"Christy, I don’t know what has gotten into you all of a sudden, what changed?" he asked me as his frown deepened.

"Nothing changed Kendrick, it’s you who have forgotten how I am. I can’t even recognize myself anymore! I am not some caged bird or a pet. I was bold and fearless when you met me and now look at me!" I yelled at him angrily and he clenched his jaw to restrain his anger.

"I go out every day to work hard and make sure you and our child are comfortable. Do you lack anything that makes you want to work?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Do I need to lack anything first? Can’t I just work to be occupied? Instead of staying indoors every day and doing nothing" I asked him with the same momentum.

I wasn’t going to just give in this time, I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to work and always finds an excuse to not talk about it.

He just stared at me for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.

"I told you that if you want to be leaving the house or are too bored, you can go over to your family house" he said calmly.

"I don’t want to go to my family’s house, I need to go out and meet people, make friends and gain connections of my own" I tried to explain calmly as well.

"Christy please, you don’t need any connection, just mention my name and everything would go well. You have several bad memories and experiences when it comes to friendship, take that Kara and Callie for example" he said with a serious expression.

"I am not asking for much, I just want to open a restaurant. I have always loved cooking and it is something that I am passionate about" I explained calmly.

"Even if you want to start up something, now isn’t the right time, with Piper on the loose and so many hidden enemies in the dark" he said and held my hand.

"I can’t put my life on hold because of others. When will the hidden enemies be exposed? And when will Piper be caught? Am I supposed to wait forever if they are never caught?" I asked him with a frown.

"I don’t want to hide anymore Kendrick, that’s not me. I want to fight and be strong, I want to be able to stand with you in public without people whispering about my past. I want to go to school and get a diploma, I want to be respected. Don’t you get it?!" I asked him while holding back my tears.

"Okay fine, I will think about it" he said calmly while rubbing the back of my hand gently.

I removed my hand angrily and glared at him.

"What do you mean by you will think about it? Can’t I make my own decisions. If I want to do it, will you stop me?!" I asked him angrily.

Am I a baby?

"Everything I do is for your own good and..."

"No, everything you do is for your own selfish reasons. Do you think I didn’t see how you looked at the man that spoke to me at the funeral? I am not your property Kendrick, you can’t just keep me locked up in a golden cage and expect me to be happy. Can’t you see that you are slowly killing the real me?!" I interrupted him angrily.

"I am just protecting what is mine, even Jasper was ready to sacrifice our friendship to have you. Should I be happy that other men have their eyes on you?" he asked me angrily and that was when it finally clicked.

How could I not have noticed this possessive side of him?.

" You are the only one that is destined for me, don’t you understand? I can’t have a relationship with any other woman apart from you!" he said coldly and his eyes held a kind of wildness that I haven’t seen before.

I didn’t know what to say and just stared at him in shock. I know he has that condition but I thought it got better.

"How did you know that your condition hasn’t gotten better?" I asked him with a raised brow but he turned his face away.

"So, you tried being intimate with other women when we got together but you weren’t aroused, that’s the reason you want to ensure I don’t leave you by locking me up? You are sick" I said with a mixture of disgust and disappointment.

"Why did you go to see Curtis?" he suddenly asked out of the blues.

"You are monitoring me now?!" I asked him angrily.