CHAPTER 203: BREAK ME

[ Old world... inside the cave ]

Autumn’s knees gave out before she realised she was falling.

The stone floor was cold...and too hard beneath her, sending a jolt through her already aching body.

But she barely felt it...her skin was numb...her ears were ringing.

Her voice scraped out in a hoarse whisper.

"What do you mean my father is gone? Where... where did he go? What is this nonsense?"

She stared up at Orion, searching his face for some flicker...some sign that he was joking, that this was some cruel attempt to frighten her into obedience... that this was another trap to keep her safe... anything... whatever... but not what she was stopping herself desperately from thinking.

But there was nothing.

Her chest tightened, her hands flying up to clutch at the front of her tunic as though she could hold her heart in place before it split apart.

And then the images started replaying even though she squeezed her eyes shut.

The mist on the battlefield.

The wet copper smell of blood.

Kieran lying there motionless but then suddenly staggering to his feet...his face pale, his hair matted to his temple.

The way he had moved towards Thorgar..too awkward, too close.

Autumn’s breath hitched.

Her mind betrayed her, dragging the memory forward in brutal clarity.

Kieran, bending over her father...

The flash of steel...

The blade inside Thorgar’s back.

She jolted as if the scene had just happened before her eyes.

"NOOOO..."

Her voice trembled, her head shaking violently. "No. No, no, no, no..."

The denial was sharp, frantic, almost childlike. "Kieran would never... No. Father isn’t dead. There is some misunderstanding...there has to be!"

Her throat burned.

She swiped at her eyes with the heel of her palm, trying to scrub the tears away as if erasing them could erase the truth.

"Orion, you need to get me out of here. Now. I swear there is some mistake... I just need to see him, to talk to him..."

But before she could finish, Orion knelt in front of her, his massive hands closing gently but firmly around her shoulders.

"You need to calm down, Princess." His voice was low, measured, but the strain in it was obvious. "There is no mistake. Skarthheim is gone. Burned. Overrun. And what matters at this moment is that I keep you and the heirs safe."

He said it again...heirs...as if reminding her of the chains around her ankle.

Autumn’s mouth opened, but no words came. She pressed both hands to her head, her nails digging into her scalp, as if she could claw the truth out of her skull.

"No!!!The goddess cannot be this merciless...my mate did not kill my father. My mate did not put a blade through the man who was the only comfort that I have ever known, who built the walls of the Old World with his own hands. The father of my children did not slaughter the only family I had left. No. No. This isn’t real. This isn’t real."

Her breathing turned ragged, chest heaving in uneven bursts.

Her mind jumped again...her father’s roar in battle, the way his eyes had found hers across the chaos. And then... Kieran turning towards her as well... his blank expression...something was missing... something wasn’t adding up...

She gasped, folding forward, both arms wrapping around her stomach as though she could shield the children from the truth battering her.

"Skarthheim is no more? How can that be?" After a momentary pause, " I brought this..." she whispered, barely audible. "I brought destruction to the only place that was my home."

Her voice broke, raw and jagged, like glass shattering.

" Skarthheim is no more because I loved him? Why would Kieran do such a thing??? Why? "

The thought wouldn’t finish. It wouldn’t let her breathe.

She looked back up at Orion, eyes wide and glistening, searching for any alternative...any thread of hope to grab onto before she drowned.

"Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me you didn’t see it. Tell me you are just repeating some filthy rumour..."

Orion’s silence was worse than any confirmation. His jaw worked, his gaze steady but weighted with pity.

" Is this all about power? Politics? The reason why he married Lyla and then seeded her with his child? Was my father sacrificed in that altar too? Was Skathheim taken from me in this power struggle? "

Her stomach turned violently, a hot, nauseating rush sweeping through her. She doubled over, gagging, but nothing came.

She curled on her side, hands tangled in her hair, as though holding her skull together would keep the pain from spilling out.

The cave seemed smaller now, pressing in, the air thick enough to choke on.

Orion rushed forward with another cup of water. " Princess, please drink up. You are going to get sick! We don’t even have proper access to a healer. I will not be able to help... "

Autumn raised her hand,blocking the cup. "Orion, if this is true... then I have nothing left..."

" Princess... don’t say like that. My life was sworn in service to your father. Now I serve you and your babies. I swear I will protect you. I will fight for you. You need to be strong, Princess..."

Autumn only stared at him, her expression blank. " I have no father. I have no mate. No home. Only these children." She rubbed her hand over her belly. "Only my babies... "

The thought landed like another blow, and for the first time, she didn’t know if she wanted to get up and burn the world or just lay there and do nothing... nothing at all... and let the earth bury her whole.

She lay there as the cold seeped into her bones, until a sudden clarity sliced through the haze.

She sat up, almost suddenly.

Her spine straightened, the pain in her hips and belly be damned... there was something far more important.

She pressed her palm to her heart, feeling its frantic beat against her ribs.

"There is one thing," she whispered, almost to herself, "one thing I should have done long ago..."

Orion’s eyes narrowed, sensing the shift in her tone. "Princess?"

Her gaze sharpened, no longer just wounded but filled with something dangerous. "I will not carry his name inside me any longer. I will not belong to him anymore...he is dead to me and I am dead to him..."

The words trembled at first, but there was solid metal beneath them.

Orion’s face tightened. "You mean to? No! Princess,your body is still too weak! "

"Oh, Yes." She cut him off, her voice uncharacteristically cold and too certain. "I will reject Kieran Blackmoon as my mate.I need to...if even an ounce of Thorgar Ulfsen’s blood flows through me, I will survive...and so will my babies...after all we have survived so much..."

She pulled herself up to her knees despite the pull in her belly, her breath coming sharp, her eyes locked on the rough cave wall ahead as if it were Kieran’s face.