~~

    Ocean

    ~~

    Following the lecture and threat of death from my parents I went to my room. I still had a headache. That aspirin really didn''t do much to help my head yet. I hate to admit it, but I really had drank too much last night.

    I was currently laying on my bed contemplating what had happened. All things considered my parents had been right, about everything. I shouldn''t be drinking. I shouldn''t be staying out all night. And Brittney really was a fucking skank. Sometimes I really hated it when they were right, other times it all just fit into place perfectly and helped me to understand stuff a little better. This time was like the second one.

    I wasn''t sure why but I had woken up this morning feeling a little bit lighter, all things considered. It had been an interesting night filled with even more interesting dreams. I didn''t know what half of what I thought meant but I was just glad I didn''t feel like sulking too much more.

    Did it still hurt to think about Brittney being with Makai? Yeah, it did, but I didn''t know why. Since I couldn''t explain it, perhaps I should just ignore it.

    All I wanted to do now was get back to swimming. I didn''t want to risk anything taking that away from me. Swimming meant more to me than petty squabbles or girls.

    I was losing myself in thought. I was trying to remember exactly what I had done last night before I passed out. I woke up with a sensation on my lips, it was like the memory of a kiss. Had I been partying with some girls last night? Was I trying to find a rebound already?

    No, I can''t do that. It will only be a distraction. I had let Brittney be a distraction to me and that led to this whole fucked up situation. I was done with all of that for a while. I was going to go solo for the foreseeable future. Just call me Brother Ocean because from now on I''m going to be as celibate as a monk.

    I was going to focus on swimming. I was going to focus on school. I was going to focus on Makai.

    WAIT! WHAT? Why the hell did I think of Makai just now? I know that I had dreamt about him at some point last night. I had dreamt that we talked and argued. I had dreamt that we kissed, which would never happen, ever.

    There were other things that I dreamt about as well. I dreamt about Makai''s body as he climbed out of the pool. I had dreamt about him staring at me in the classroom. I had also dreamt about him being a merman, which was why I knew that none of it was real at all.

    If even one part of that dream sequence was not true then none of it was. I knew that I would never kiss a guy. I was not gay at all. I was as straight as could be.

    So, why then, could I not get Makai out of my head. Everytime that I closed my eyes while laying on my bed I saw him. I saw that kiss I had dreamt about. I saw Makai''s glistening body as he climbed out of the water.

    Before I knew it I was imagining other things, things that went beyond what I had seen in my dreams. And all the while, I was stroking myself. I couldn''t help it. It was a compulsion that was so strong, a need that had to be fulfilled.

    What was the matter with me?

    When I was finished I needed to clean myself up. I couldn''t believe I had just done that while thinking about a guy. I just couldn''t understand what was happening to me.

    The thing was, though, that it had felt so much better this time than when I thought about Brittney or the models in magazines. What was it about Makai that drew my attention so much?

    I was still asking myself these questions when I went into the bathroom to shower. I wanted answers but I didn''t think they were likely to come anytime soon.

    What did happen while I was in the shower was a reoccurrence of my arousal for Makai. I couldn''t get the damn erection to go away at all until I stroked myself again. I was becoming some kind of pervert or something. What the hell was going on. Seriously?

    I didn''t leave my room for the rest of the night. I didn''t want anyone to see me when I was feeling so out of control. I didn''t even eat lunch or dinner. I was just too messed up, and too fucking horny.

    When the morning came the arousal had finally lessened quite a bit. That made it so I could finally leave my room and get something to eat. I still didn''t want to leave the house though. I needed to get my head on straight. I needed time to think about what had happened and what I was going to do.

    I couldn''t afford to let any of this mess me up at all. There was an out of town meet next weekend and I was determined to go. I would not be benched again.. I would not be kept out of the water any longer.