CHAPTER 782: MEMENTOS

Having two people in control of the same body was... a curious feeling.

In my waking hours, I continued the walk that the other me embarks on. When I sleep, I wake to a place I don’t remember sleeping at.

But there was a single constant.

The woman observing me.

Like usual, today she observed my actions.

Made no effort to strike up a conversation.

In a sense, she’s similar to the woman I fell in love with, the one whom I shared my silence with.

But they were not the same.

I can feel it. Inside, there was a respect towards her.

Not as lovers, but as someone I could count on.

I found myself smiling recently. Though... without a body, I suppose that doesn’t quite constitute as a smile.

But my spirits have been lifted. The memory of my, no. Our younger years.

The years after we broke the silence between us, they were blurred but always accompanied by a warmth that spread through this empty chest of mine.

Her lectures when I forget to eat, her laughs and excitement when I brought her books from afar.

Her rants when talking about how others were talking behind his back, mentioning how scary his face was.

Her warm and radiant smile when he brought her flowers for her birthday.

Ha... Even thinking back, facing her was the most difficult battle we could face. The nervousness in our hearts, the fear of failure and the desire to come out victorious.

Even when on a crusade against Lords despite not being one myself, I stood strong.

But against her, I found myself helpless.

She was my moment of respite. My pillar, my support. She was my everything and I gave her my everything in return.

Though looking back, I didn’t have much to give. A simple orphan who knew how to swing a sword better than most. That’s who I was.

Yet she still loved me all the same.

For her, I would dive into the deepest pits of the Abyss.

There was one other I would talk to. Someone I would talk to regarding the stories of my beloved, how I would praise her every action. My old friend, my superior.

She would lecture me about slacking off on the job to think about my beloved but she congratulated me all the same.

In life, I didn’t have many friends. But those that I did have, I would give my life for.

Perhaps as the days go by, I’ll remember more of our memories. But the other me...

*Sigh.

A pitiful one. A ghost with a singular task in mind. To walk to the ends of the earth in search of home.

If I were to get all the memories back, would I be in a similar state?

I do not wish for that to happen. Right now, I wish to simply immerse myself in the memories of her.

"How long will you keep watching?" I called out to the silent guest that’s been watching my every move.

She seemed surprised. Surprised that I spoke and surprised that I was making conversation.

I don’t blame her.

She appeared before me, a puppet body with joints of steel. She looked a little different to my memory of her.

But a part of me believes that it’s to be expected.

Like me, her body has long withered and rotted away. While I encase myself with a coffin of steel, she dresses herself up with puppetry.

"Do you... remember?" She asked hesitantly, taking a seat before me.

Remember? Perhaps. But just a little as always. Fragments and sprinkles of what once was.

Seeing my reaction, she realised the truth and case her gaze down. Sadness.

Was my state truly so despairing?

"Why the long face? It’s rare I have a moment of clarity so why don’t we talk a little?" I chuckled.

A part of me believes that this may be one of the last conversations I hold with someone.

They do say that when you’re about to die, you see your life flash before you. I’m feeling that right now. My life playing back to me, memory by memory, day by day.

"Talk... Right." The woman in front of me smiled sadly before looking up.

"I don’t suppose you have a topic in mind then? I don’t know how much you remember after all."

I folded my arms.

I recalled a recent fragment. For old time’s sake, perhaps this would bring a smile to her face.

"Hmm. I remember a woman who shared my silence. It was a strange but joyous meeting. Most would simply ignore and avoid me I believe."

The woman’s pupils trembled for a moment before a smile appeared on her face.

"Even like this, you’re the same as usual haha... I’ve never seen someone so in love with a woman you still talk about her even now."

She seemed to dwell on her thoughts for a moment before flicking the air in front of her.

Little by little, the space fractured apart and she pulled out a small box, carefully preserved.

Holding it gently with care, she presented the box to me.

"I think you’ll like this. Especially if your memory is beginning to come back."

I felt a little confused but I accepted the box.

Opening it, I saw that there were only three items held inside.

The first, a small trinket no bigger than my palm. A necklace? A bracelet? Whatever it was, I could feel my chest tighten up.

I knew it was something important and this... relief that I feel, being able to see it again.

How strange...

The second was a ring with a carefully crafted rose on top.

And the last, a picture of three people.

"Is that... me?" I asked.

With my formless body encased in armour, it was hard to tell who I was in life. But the feeling in my chest as I lay my eyes upon the woman holding a small child in her arms, it’s unmistakable.

"Mnm, it was you in the past."

I savoured this feeling. Felt everything it had to offer, the warmth it afforded to me.

"Thank you."

Perhaps I would still be chasing this feeling in the corridors of my memories had she not given me a reminder.

A feeling so close yet so far as though a veil separated us.

She hesitated for a moment, clearly deliberating over a choice.

In the end, she let out a sigh.

"I’ll watch over you. Over the journey that you’ll embark on old friend." She stood up and left without letting me say another word.

Looking down at the three items that she had given me, I curved my invisible lips up into a smile.

I’ve rested long enough, it’s time for me to resume this journey in search of my home next to her.

The love of my life.

###

I couldn’t tell him.

I couldn’t tell him what happened to the rest of his family, what happened to the home he’s searching for. I couldn’t tell him that this was all that remained of his family.

"What am I even doing..."

I... I wanted to offer him a choice.

Perhaps it was simply a selfish desire but such an ending for him... Was too cruel.

A wanderer of many years only to find an end at the butcher’s blade.

I wanted to offer him a chance. Perhaps I manage to convince Lumiria, he’ll be able to receive a new body. A new lease in life.

But to do so would violate the agreement she made with Solaris.

I doubt my lady would accept that.

However...

Even if I could make him that offer, what then? Did I want him to walk this earth for the next few years in search of a replacement?

"At the end it’s still just selfish desire."

We’ve already parted ways so what use is there to hope? To try and mend things back to the way they were?

We fought, we argued. He asked me why I couldn’t protect his family while he was out at war, why he had to fight when I was stronger than him.

I had no response.

How could I bear to tell him the truth? The cruel bitter reality of his devotion.

Of their devotion meeting such an end.

Perhaps... Had I found him first, things would’ve been a little different.

Jealousy.

What a sharp knife.

I have no flesh yet I can feel it carving into my chest, this pain.

When he faces his end at the hands of those from the Sun... It may be my call to retire.

But I cannot. For my sins are heavier than a mountain, stretches further than the sea.

With each waking moment, I will continue to seek redemption for all that I have done.

All that the moon has done.

###

"My lady! Why!? Why was Vali’s home found!? How did they find his wife and child!?" Griselda screamed towards Lumiria who sat upon her bed.

Tears streaming down her face as she recalled Vali’s grief, his look of despair.

"I’ll forgive you Griselda. I’ll forgive you because of your connection to him. Because of your merits so don’t repeat this mistake. But it was just a measly trade in the grand scheme of things." Lumiria furrowed her brows with a frown.

"A family can always be made again can it not? A small price to pay considering what Enris offered. And if you’re so bothered, can’t you just start a family with him? If you’re worried about your body, I can find you a suitable vessel." She offered.

"But that’s... No, that’s. That’s not the point..." Griselda collapsed onto her knees.

Lumiria sold them out.

She was the one who handed over the coordinates to Vali’s family.

All because she wanted to accept an offer that the Eclipse offered. The very enemies they were fighting against...

Griselda felt a knife stab her heart. Her devotion faltering.

She thought she could accept anything the moon did. But this...

She couldn’t accept.