Julian’s POV

    I felt the slightest tingle in my hand as I crushed the ss in my fist, but the majority of my thoughts and emotions were entirely consumed by rage as I watched the scene in front of me.

    Chase had put his arm around the back of Amber’s chair. He had leaned in close to her, pressing his

    mouth so near her ear.

    Seeing how close he moved, how close she allowed him to move, sent red hot jealousy through me veins.

    My whole body had tensed, and I crushed the ss without having even meant to. And still, even with ss in my skin and blood dripping from my hand, I couldn’t turn my eyes away from Amber and Chase.

    Amber was my wife, yet here Chase was, his arm around the back of her chair like he had any right to ownership. It made me so furious that I could have screamed, I could have dragged Chase out of this restaurant by the back his shirt, and beat him to a pulp out in the parking lot.

    Instead, I just stood there, furious, staring, while dripping blood onto the table.

    It could have been a momentter, or a thousand years, but Amber finally pushed Chase away and stood.

    She rounded the table to me.

    Others were talking, but they sounded so far awa hard beating of my heart within my chest.

    I was too filled with rage to hear anything but the

    Gently, Amber touched my arm. She tried to bring me away from the table. She was saying something.

    Blinking a few times, I forced myself to focus. Slowly, the sounds of the room became audible again. Or, at least, I could hear Amber. The rest I was still drowning out.

    “Let’s get this cleaned up,” she said, and tugged me away from the table and deeper into the restaurant.

    This restaurant had single stall bathrooms with locks on the door. Amber pulled me into one, then closed

    and locked the door behind us.

    Numbly, still trying to recover from my rage, I watched as she guided my hand under the running water of the facet. Carefully, she prodded at my hand, slowly removing piece after piece of ss from my palm. For some, she had to cut into me a little, as my heightened healing factor was attempting to mend my

    skin around the ss.

    I didn’t need a degree in medicine to know that having ss shards within my palm was deeply

    unhealthy.

    Amber, in full Healer mode, was methodical in her process. She touched every part of my hand, massaging gently, as if attempting to feel if there was any ss left under the skin.

    She found a few more stray pieces. All the while, I stood still, allowing her to do as she wished while watching ndly.

    When she finally seemed satisfied, she washed my hand once more. Then, with a paper towel from the nearby paper towel dispenser, she lightly wiped the water from my hand. By the time she finished, my hand had fully healed. The water had even cleaned off the blood.

    She continued to look a moment more, thorough in her examination, as if wanting to be certain that I was

    well.

    In the quiet of the moment, I found the strength to set aside my rage and find my own gentleness.

    Here, where Amber didn’t feel the need to escape, was the perfect moment to discussst night. At least, long enough for me to properly apologize.

    “You don’t have to say anything,” I told her gently. “But please, just listen.”

    She continued her ministrations, not saying a word. I took that as a good sign, and continued forward.

    “I’m sorry aboutst night. I didn’t think how repairing a friendship with Olivia might hurt you. I wasn’t thinking at all. I never want to hurt you, Amber.” I sighed a little. “I know I keep failing at that, but it’s the honest truth. I only ever want to protect you and Alice, and make you my family again.”

    After massaging my hand to the wrist, she released it and let it drop. At the same time, she brought her own hands in front of her, where she weaved them together, almost forming a protective barrier between

    the two of us with her arms and hands.

    “You keep trying with Olivia,” Amber said. “Whether to be her friend, or whatever else… Despite how she treats you, and me, and now Alice…”

    I grimaced slightly. I hadn’t liked one bit the harshness Olivia took with Alice, and I was going to speak to her about it as soon as we were away from the party. At least, that was my intention. Even I could recognize that speaking with Olivia about children was somewhat difficult.

    Every path of conversation always led back to discussions about the child we had lost.

    “I just want to know why,” Amber said, her voice lilting a little, showing a hint of sadness. “Why do you always cater to her, even when it makes me so ufortable?”

    “She and I have shared grief,” I confessed. For some reason, perhaps because Amber was my mate, I

    found it so much easier to open up to her in this quiet moment. Easier than it had ever been to open up to

    anyone else in my entire life. “And I owe her for the child we have lost.”

    Amber looked at me with pity in her eyes. “Why would you owe her for that? It was a terrible tragedy, but

    not one you personally caused.”

    With how close I felt to her in this moment, how vulnerable I was allowing myself to be, I very nearly

    opened my mouth and told her the full truth. That my overworking was the reason that Olivia had gotten

    into the car and tried toe to the office.

    The reason she crashed.

    The reason she lost the baby.

    All of it had been my fault, and not something I would have ever been able to repay.

    Yet, at thest moment, I held myself back, worried that saying the truth might make Amber think less of ollime. /li/ol

    Would she be able to look at me the same, knowing that I had caused the death of an unborn baby? Even if it hadn’t been intentional, the child was still gone. And it was because I had been working hard, avoiding Olivia, that it happened at all.

    Amber looked at me, her eyes somewhat sad. In grief? In sympathy? It seemed genuine and made my

    heart lurch.

    She was such a kind woman, so beautiful and pure. Gods, she might be my wife because I refused to sign the paperwork, but how I wished she was mine.

    “Julian,” she said, her voice light in the quiet room. “When will you learn to forgive yourself?”

    I wished I had a better answer for her. I wanted to say as soon as possible. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and show her that all of my love and all of my affection was fully for her.

    It was, but there was a part of me still tethered to Olivia, despite my best efforts to be free.

    That guilt…

    That owing…

    I did not see a future where my hands would be fully clean again.

    So I told Amber honestly, despite the way it made my heart clench, “Never.”

    X