CHAPTER 644: 602 I WANT IT ALL

Mazao showed a puzzled expression when I didn’t provide an answer.

I thought for a moment and then shifted the topic: "If you’re scared, it’s okay to wait a little longer."

"Wait...until when?"

It seemed Mazao didn’t realize anything was amiss, she slowly said: "Although I’m scared...no, precisely because I’m scared, I want to meet my parents as soon as possible. Otherwise, my resolve might erode over time. If I flee using excuses this time, I might find excuses to escape again next time. I would become more and more delaying, and eventually pretend to forget without realizing it. I don’t want to become like that."

Her words resonated with me. Yes, that’s part of my thoughts too. That’s why I’ve come to find her.

Then she continued: "It’s not just about meeting my parents, I also want to confront my past head-on. For me, this requires even greater resolve. If I don’t dare to see my parents, I will likely flee from my past later. This is the first step I have to take."

"You mean...the past?" I asked.

"The memories lost due to frenzy can be recovered. Little Bowl has proven this. Therefore, I must also try to recover my memories," Mazao said, "I’ve forgotten the names and appearances of the people I killed in the past.

"Moreover, although you and Little Bowl haven’t directly stated it, I’m not completely without thinking. Since the Evangelical Institute is a dark organization that plans human massacre projects, and I was once a member, I must have done many bad things, right? I don’t want to escape from those things by using ’I don’t remember’ as an excuse to cleanse myself of blood and sin."

Her voice was very powerful. Despite the faint perception of her unease regarding her dark past, her emotions were overall stable. Her decisions were filled with resilient willpower. Completely unlike the Mazao I initially knew.

"...Your speculation is not incorrect. During the Evangelical Institute period, you were called the ’Evangelical Witch’ and committed numerous crimes, staining the blood of many survivors. If you want to know more specific details, I can tell you in detail later." I said, "The problem now is, you want to recover your memories but that’s impossible.

"To use Three-Life Stone Powder, one must become a Void Envoy—this part might still be negotiable. More importantly, the last bit of Three-Life Stone Powder has been completely used up by Little Bowl, and the method to recover memories has disappeared. What method can you still find?"

"—It’s simple, it’s me."

Mazao seemed to have truly thought about it and found an answer, she looked at her palm and continued: "Power of Return...according to Little Bowl, the reason I have the Broom Star Physique is that I possess the Power of Return, and that the Power of Return is a miraculous force deemed by the planetary will to possibly restore the wrong world itself to its original state, so there’s no reason it can’t restore the memory of a mere human.

"The current me can’t do it, surely because I’m not strong enough yet. All rules are seen as ironclad due to the lack of power of those involved. ’The memory lost due to frenzy cannot be repaired’ is the same. If I become Impermanence, things will certainly change. Though repairing the world might still be a drop in the bucket, other matters are different."

If she becomes Impermanence—this is indeed a massive fantasy.

But the person saying this is Mazao, so it’s not merely a fantasy but a feasible proposition. According to the information I gathered in the Post-mortem World, Mazao indeed possesses the potential and life path to become Impermanence.

"It’s the same for Little Bowl," Mazao continued, "As long as I become strong enough, perhaps even Little Bowl can be saved. Even if this route doesn’t work, I won’t give up. I’ll keep searching for methods until the last moment. Zhuang Cheng, you think the same, right?"

I said surprisingly: "You support Little Bowl completing her mission...because you made the same decision as I did?"

Mazao didn’t want Little Bowl to disappear, but her approach wasn’t to stop Little Bowl, rather she wanted to find methods ahead.

It’s not standing still out of fear, but proceeding courageously with resolve.

Her heart must have undergone intense struggle and hesitation, but she overcame them all.

What made her become so strong?

She looked at me with unwavering eyes.

"Little Bowl acknowledges her mission. She is the Dream Avatar with the completion of her obsession as the principal aim. Stopping her equates to denying her existence’s meaning. That would be the greatest harm to her, certainly causing immense pain. I don’t want to commit such actions akin to betraying her due to self-centered emotions," Mazao said.

"...You value others more than your own feelings." I said, "Indeed, we are fundamentally different people."

"Zhuang Cheng?" Mazao was momentarily stunned.

"Mazao, I actually came to tell you the final truth." I finally steeled myself, "In the past, I confessed all my emotions to you and revealed what I truly pursued. But there is one thing I didn’t speak to you out of fear. Because it is also a painful decision for me. Once I speak it out, we will certainly part ways and become enemies to each other."

"Zhuang Cheng... What are you talking about?" Mazao was stunned.

"Listen to me, Mazao," I said slowly, "—I wish for Doomsday."

With these words as a beginning, I revealed my deepest secret desire to Mazao.

I do not long for the outcome of Doomsday, but I desire the bizarre and fantastical scenes that arise during the process. To experience those things until the very last moment, I might even prevent anyone from stopping Doomsday and, in fact, embrace its result. From this perspective, part of the reason I stand against the human extermination plan is to stop the Evangelical Institute from saving the world.

If it had been an absolutely brilliant plan, that would be one thing, but how could such a lackluster plan be allowed to prevent Doomsday?

Indeed, if the world were destroyed, my adventure would come to an end. It’s truly a short-sighted approach. But conversely, Doomsday has immense value. Compared to the apocalypse, any adventure pales in comparison.

Mazao is sure to despise me, thinking how foolish I am to do something so reckless toward a destructive conclusion. If it were just self-destruction, that would be one thing, but my actions will inevitably drag everything around me into ruin, including the people and things I care about.

Of course, I couldn’t possibly be indifferent to this, but to turn back now would be admitting regret. In my heart, what truly judges the rightness or wrongness of what I’ve done is not universal morals or values, nor anyone’s judgment, but whether I will regret it at the last moment. Ultimately, what matters most to me is indeed my dreams and obsessions.

At the same time, I also thought about how to deal with Mazao afterwards.

Even if it means being an enemy to her, I could never actually kill Mazao; it would merely mean returning to the original plan. I still need Mazao’s Broom Star Physique, so I will imprison her.

The Teleportation Skill of the Power of Return is indeed very tricky; long ago, it was the reason I could never effectively carry out the imprisonment of Mazao, so I had to settle for an equal relationship. But now things are different. As Impermanence, I’m not just someone who burns things down. I can interfere with the domains of time and space, even fate, to some extent. I can try to forcibly keep Mazao here.

Yet, difficult issues still exist, such as Mazao’s "fortune"... Although she often mocks herself as an unfortunate person, the natural will of the planet entrusts her with an unusual kind of luck that allows her to survive numerous disasters, akin to a protagonist, and I’m unsure whether I can completely suppress it indefinitely.

When I finished speaking, I didn’t immediately act against Mazao because I was really concerned about what kind of reaction Mazao would show after hearing my words. Even though I could assume it without saying, she would definitely be very sad and angry, feeling unprecedented betrayal, watching me with immensely disappointed eyes, but these are things I should bear; I do not want to escape from them.

However, to my surprise, Mazao did not show any of the aforementioned reactions.

She was just very shocked and bewildered... But beneath these emotions, she took a deep breath, then closed her eyes, as if swallowing and digesting a massive matter with her mind, falling into a prolonged thought.

After some time, she slowly opened her eyes. In the gaze she fixed on me, there was no sadness or anger, nor any disappointment. It seemed to be filled with emotions I couldn’t comprehend, like a silently burning flame.

Then, she said something I never expected.

"Zhuang Cheng, I won’t be your enemy."

"—What?" This time, it was my turn to be stunned.

What did she just say?

"Are you serious? Or did you not hear what I just said? Because you’ve received such astonishing news all at once, so your mind temporarily didn’t comprehend it? I’m hoping for Doomsday." I said, "Don’t you want to stop Doomsday? To save the world to atone for past sacrifices and tragedies... it’s been your wish, the driving force that supported you since you crossed into the modern world, hasn’t it?"

"Yes." Mazao replied.

"Then what do you mean by what you just said? You don’t want to be enemies with me because... because you like me?" I asked.

"I like you." Mazao admitted.

I couldn’t believe it, so I pressed further, "So, are you willing to give up your wish?"

"No, I want to save the world; that won’t change." Mazao said seriously.

"Since you want to save the world, you can’t be with me because I will destroy the world. Such a simple logic, you can’t possibly not understand, right?" I said.

Mazao slowly shook her head, then looked into my eyes, and with a firm tone said, "I want both the world and you!"