CHAPTER 123: I SEE THAT NOW

’Too far?’ Caius asked himself when he saw the downcast expression on Doran’s face.

They spent the rest of the period in silence, tending to their Rabbit which seemed oblivious to the mood as its cute cheeks moved while it munched on the feed it was fed.

The Wind-Puffing Rabbits were quite easy to tend to, and Caius was surprised to find that, by the time class ended and they had to put them back in their cages and hand them over to Professor Lea Gilligan, he was already so taken by their cuteness that he wanted to keep one.

"Well done everyone," Lea said as every cage with its Rabbit was accounted for.

Aylin brushed her hair back and looked off to the side. Kaya was the same and even though their common ground had been taken away and they were both free to really get at each other, neither took a swing. Magically or physically.

They were both missing the fuzzy cuddling of the Rabbit they had to give up.

The entire class looked longingly.

They wondered; What were the chances that the Magical Beast they got to study next week would be as cute and lovably chaotic as these Rabbits instead of as disgusting and dangerously chaotic as the Lizards from last week?

It was the end of class and the start of break. With a wave of her hand, Lea Gilligan collected her discs to set the class free from the netted dome.

Doran didn’t walk away. His head was bowed and he stood in front of Caius who eyed him.

"Are you alright?" Caius asked.

"Yeah, that’s exactly what you ask after you’ve torn someone down as hard as you have," Samantha said, taking this moment to make an appearance as she looked at Doran with pity.

’I’m only trying to undo all the terrible bullshit you put him through,’ Caius said, sounding just a tad defensive.

"Bullshit?" Samantha said loudly in a voice that would have caused everyone in the vicinity to wince if they had been able to hear it,

"What I wrote was a very plausible outcome for someone who feels so out of his depths."

’Maybe,’ Caius admitted after wincing once at the volume of her voice, ’Was still cruel though.’

Samantha let out a *humph* sound then as she folded her arms beneath her breasts, causing them to wobble as she looked to the side in annoyance.

Doran shifted from foot to foot now like he was just taking in Caius’ question.

"It’s not easy, you know," he said, "Every day I wake up in my dorm room and I feel like an impostor. Like they’ll one day find out I shouldn’t be here and send me away. Sometimes, I-I feel so paralyzed that I can’t even get out of bed in the morning."

Caius said nothing. He had to admit, these were details [To Kill A Demon Lord...] hadn’t exactly spelled out in the narrative. He looked at Samantha out of the corner of his eyes and he saw she was looking at him the same way even if her face was still turned away.

Doran let out a sigh and looked over at where Aurelius and Baler were standing waiting for him. Aurelius was smiling calmly. Baler looked annoyed. If the annoyance was because of Doran taking his time to join them or just because of Caius, it wasn’t all too clear. It was probably both.

"My family was so happy when I got in here," Doran said,

"They didn’t think I’d get in because, you know.

And now that I’m here, I have so many expectations on my shoulders. A chance to make us more than we are. How could I achieve that if I piss people like Baler off?"

Caius raised his hand and then paused before he stretched it and placed it on Doran’s shoulder.

Doran looked surprised and raised his head just as Caius grabbed his shoulder a bit more firmly as he looked intensely into his eyes.

"People like Baler will be pissed either way. Trying to please him, trying to seek his approval, trying to make yourself seem as small as possible won’t change that.

You say you feel like an impostor... Have you considered how everyone else feels? Have you considered that your presence here, despite not having the resources they—we—had makes them feel like imposters as well. Like they don’t deserve to be here as much as you do?"

Doran’s eyes went wide a bit and there was a tiny gleam in his warm brown eyes as he let out a short laugh.

"I never thought of it like that," he said, "I-I guess I can see kinda that."

Caius took a moment here and decided to take things one step further with a cautionary tale,

"I knew someone like you once. He made all the wrong decisions. Some of them because of cowardice, a lot of them because of misguided ’love’, and the rest—most of it—out of just plain stupidity.

He lost everything. His family, his sanity, even the love he so desperately wanted to have.

In the end, he also lost his life."

Doran was staring into Caius’s eyes and there was something about them, their earnest intensity, that made that story terrifying to him.

"Was this person a Lochxen student?" He found himself asking.

"Yes," Caius answered.

"And did they know someone like Baler?" Doran asked and glanced once at the white-grey haired boy impatiently tapping his foot on the ground.

"Yes," Caius answered.

"Is this person me?" Doran asked and laughed a little because he meant it as a joke.

Caius patted his shoulder,

"Just... be better," he said, knowing he had said as much as he should.

Even if he did tell Doran that he just told him his future, Caius didn’t expect to be believed. It would just be brushed off as a cautionary tale with no truth to it. Which was exactly the case. At least for now.

The thing was though, for some inexplicable reason, Doran made the connection and found himself feeling sure that the ’tale’ could truly be his future.

He felt a chill up his spine now. Like an Angel of Death had creeped unnaturally close to him in that moment. But it wasn’t even ’his death’ in the tale that scared or worried him the most. It was the wonder of how a bit of a more reserved attitude in school could lead to the loss of his family.

Probably nothing shocked him out of his deliberate docility than the thought that his family could get hurt.

Suddenly, he set his jaw and stood straighter than he ever had. He seemed to grow at least four inches all at once as he cleared his throat.

"I... I understand," he said.

Caius took his hand off his shoulder then and nodded.

"I hope you do..." he started but Doran interrupted him almost immediately.

"I’ll pursue Aylin without talking to Baler first. He doesn’t have to know about my interest in her. It’s not his business. She’s her own person and this will be between me and her alone."

Caius blinked.

"That was really not the point here..." he started to say but Doran interrupted him again.

"Oh, I got the point. More confidence. Less shrinking. Fewer false stammers. I got it all.

But how much better can I show you how much I’ve changed or will change than not backing down from this challenge?"

"I—" Caius started and was simply speechless.

There was still a gentle innocence in Doran’s eyes to show he was still himself. Newfound bravado and all.

It was time for Doran to place a hand on Caius’ shoulder now,

"I know that, next to you, I barely have a shot with her. I mean, by the gods, look at you!

But I will try. Don’t count me out just yet. I have a few charms up my sleeves.

Baler can go suck an egg for all I care. I see that now."

"Ohhh, looks like you have competition," Samantha said in a voice shaken by her laughter.

’I mean, he’s saying some right things. That’s progress... I guess?’

There was something really dark that could result from Doran’s interest in Aylin but with Baler hopefully out of the equation—which would mean there’d be no manipulation of Doran all in the name of ’love’—and Aylin’s infatuation with Caius, there was a chance that dark crisis was or at least could still be averted.

’Yeah,’ Caius eventually said in his head with a bit more assurance,

’This is progress. Cheeky, hilarious, unexpected, and a little dumb. But Progress nonetheless.’