Chapter 64: In the Beginning

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    Master?

    The sky has turned dark by the time Liu Jin arrives home. Yet, under the light of the moon, Liu Jin can easily make out his masters form. Old Jiang waits for him outside the clinic, smiling one of his usual smiles, the type that makes Liu Jin painfully aware of his own inadequacies.

    Has my standing in your eyes fallen so far that seeing me like this is cause for surprise?

    I...

    Liu Jins brain scrambles for something tactful to say but comes up empty.

    I-I did not mean

    You did. Old Jiangs face turns serious. More importantly, you should.

    Master?

    The word comes out of Liu Jins mouth once more, but this time with a different cadence.

    A doctor should not mince words out of fear. If someone is dying, do not ignore it. To do otherwise is an insult to your skills. I am dying. That is something you and I have known for quite some time. Do not be afraid of saying it. Do not be afraid of thinking it. It is natural for you to treat me as a dying man should be treated, shameful as it is to admit it.

    To that, Liu Jin has nothing to say.

    Of course, the day I die is not today, Old Jiang adds in a lighter tone. Today, I woke up feeling quite well, well enough to take a walk. In fact, I think that is what I will do.

    Panic flares up inside Liu Jin.

    Master, are you sure? Try as he might, Liu Jin cannot hide his concern. In your condition

    Old Jiang chuckles when Liu Jin trails off.

    You cannot bring yourself to say it still? What a disciple I have raised, but worry not. I know my body better than anyone. I still have quite a few days ahead of me, so do not stop me from enjoying the few good ones I have left. Besides, I believe your father wishes to discuss something with you without the input of his old master.

    My father? Liu Jin blinks, not having expected that. Did he mention anything in particular?

    I cannot say he did. Knowing him, it will be something needlessly complicated and overly sentimental, Old Jiang says, walking past Liu Jin, leaving him alone in front of the door. You two do enjoy such things.

    Perhaps under other circumstances, Liu Jin would have responded to the taunt. Now, he stays silent as his master walks away. He does not even have the strength to look at his back.

    By the way... Liu Jins head perks up. What did you think of the tournament? It is not often one so young experiences how sects operate.

    This time Liu Jin does turn to look at his master.

    You knew?

    Old Jiang throws his head back and laughs. I do not need to leave my room to know what happens in this city, disciple. Even if I did, Xiao Zhengs Qi spoke quite clearly tonight. I daresay he is pleased. Are you?

    Liu Jin takes a moment to think, and it is not just because his master deserves a proper answer that he does so.

    When Elder Brother asked for my help, I was happy, Liu Jin admits, looking up at the stars. Having the opportunity to help him. Being able to beat Wu Yan. I even enjoyed getting along with Xiao Fang, but

    The smile that was forming on Liu Jins face slowly fades away.

    I didnt like that I couldnt beat Yun Han on my own. I told myself I didnt care about winning or losing the tournament. However, I still felt frustrated at my own weakness.

    Because, deep down, there had been a part of him that really wanted it.

    Victory, that is.

    When Xiao Fang and I were left out of everything at the end, that was annoying in a different way. Liu Jin frowns. Rather than it being our achievement, it felt like we were just moved across the board by everyone else. Master, if you ask me what I think of this experience, I can only say it was tremendously disappointing.

    But

    But there were some parts I didnt mind. Some parts I even enjoyed. Liu Jin shuffles awkwardly, looking at his feet. I feel Master, I feel I dont want to lose next time. Does that make sense?

    Old Jiang laughs.

    Does it make sense? Oh, foolish disciple of mine, nothing could be more natural.

    ~~~

    His father is preparing tea.

    Liu Jin does not interrupt him, silently taking a seat at the table instead. Liu Jianguos movements brim with practiced grace. He has always been good at making tea.

    It occurs to Liu Jin, as his father pours the heated water into the teapot, that his love for tea may be something he inherited from his father.

    Liu Jin gasps.

    By the time I found out, it was already too late. My older brother framed me as the culprit, and I was forced to flee from my own country.

    His father pauses, the weight of the memories bearing down on him. To Liu Jins surprise, there is no anger emanating from his body.

    Merely sadness.

    That was when I sought out Master. He had once been a guest at the royal palace, and I had been left impressed by his skill. I needed to become stronger to avenge the death of my parents, and there were none stronger than him in my mind. For three years, I followed him around, begging him to take me as his disciple.

    Years?

    Liu Jianguo chuckles at Liu Jins shock. Yes, years. I am still surprised I didnt annoy Master into killing me. In the end, I think he took me as a disciple only out of boredom. I trained under him for over a decade. I grew in cultivation and medical knowledge. However, I was a pretty ungrateful disciple.

    Ungrateful? Try as he might, Liu Jin cannot associate the word with his father. This must have shown on his face for his father immediately elaborates.

    When Master took me as his disciple, he made me swear to never use the healing arts I learned from him to take lives. This was the only thing he asked of me. For people to kill each other was the most natural thing, so it was senseless to make me vow never to take a life. However, I was never to use healing techniques for anything other than their intended purpose.

    It is a sensible limitation, and it strikes Liu Jin as odd that Old Jiang has never demanded that of him.

    I never had any intention of keeping that oath.

    Liu Jinguo looks down as soon as he says that, unwilling to meet Liu Jins eyes.

    From the beginning, I sought him out for one thing only. I wanted to bring justice to those who killed my parents. I wanted to do to them as they had done to my parents. Only that would satisfy me, and I was willing to use any means I deemed necessary. Once I became powerful and knowledgeable enough, I returned to the Storm Dragon Empire under a different name. I hid my face during my travels. I participated in tournaments and gathered those who were strong.

    The things his father told him before the Eastern Port City Tournament suddenly come back to Liu Jin. Back then, it had sounded like his father was recounting a fun adventure.

    That is not the case anymore.

    In time, I had built an army of mercenaries, whose services I sold to the highest bidder. Like that, I ingratiated myself to the powerful people of the empire and grew close to those who had participated in the plot to kill my parents. I whispered in their ears and used their fears to turn them against each other.

    Liu Jianguo smiles a bitter smile.

    Starting a civil war is surprisingly easy. A few unexplained illnesses. Some accusations of poisoning. Centuries-old grudges. It was disgusting how easily they turned on each other, and that only made me more convinced that my quest was a righteous one. I was bringing justice to those who had killed my parents and plundered my country. Back then, I still had such foolish thoughts in my head. Once the many factions had weakened each other to my satisfaction, I attacked. They never saw it coming.

    Liu Jin sees as his fathers eyes grow colder than he has ever seen them before. The room seems to grow darker around them.

    I massacred them. I killed them one after another. They were diseases that had been allowed to fester for far too long. That is how I saw them. With every death, I felt my heart grow lighter, and I foolishly convinced myself that if I killed enough, my grief and rage would fade away. However, it was never enough. Entire sects disappeared because of me. Entire families. People who had nothing to do with my parents death other than being born with the wrong last name became victims of my wrath. Those who had not even been born when my family died were not spared. I consumed everything, and my brother proved no different. Him. His wife. His children. All died by my hand. Son, I pray you never know what it is like. To kill and kill, and find there arent enough people alive to sate your rage.

    Liu Jin doesnt speak. He doesnt even breathe.

    Only my younger brother was spared for he had played no part in my parents death. By the time the dust settled, my enemies were dead, and I was emperor. Yet, the ending I envisioned did not come to pass. It did not take long for people to rise against me, calling me a tyrant. Suddenly, I had enemies again, so I dealt with them as I had dealt with all my previous enemies.

    His father pauses, and Liu Jin is grateful for it. The knowledge he has received is far more than he could have imagined.

    Sometimes, an assassin would get close enough, and Id see their faces before killing them. I started wondering. Did my face ever look like that? Was I still capable of it, or had I already exhausted all rage within me? Was I still human? It is an odd feeling. Realizing you are a monster. It creeps on you, like waking up from a dream. You start comparing who you were and who you wanted to be against what you have become. I couldnt bear it.

    Liu Jin softly leans back. So, thats why

    I left it all behind. I left my brother in charge of the empire and never looked back. That is why I crippled myself. Someone like me was simply not deserving of any power. I expected Master to kill me when he found me. However, I was deemed too pathetic for that. I expected to die, yet I found your mother instead.

    My mother?

    She was a woman of common birth, yet she was undoubtedly my salvation. His fathers smile grows lighter as he speaks of her. It was she who convinced me to atone using my skills. It is thanks to her that I am a doctor now, and it is thanks to her that I have you. After your mother died, I dared to think I would just need to be a simple doctor until the end of my days. I did not expect to end up in a city that is so close to the border of my old country, nor did I expect to encounter Master once more. I most certainly did not expect to tell you the things I have told so soon.

    Liu Jianguo sighs.

    Each can be considered a punishment in their own ways, though certainly lighter ones than I deserve.

    With that, his father goes silent, looking at him as if waiting for something.

    His father is expecting his judgment, Liu Jin realizes.

    He is expecting his scorn.

    Father, I I am afraid I must disappoint you, Liu Jin says, bowing his head. The events you speak of the scale is simply too large for your son to comprehend. Even if you tell me these things, I cannot reconcile my father with the person you are speaking of.

    The tea has gone cold a long time ago. There is no steam behind which father and son can hide.

    In the end, I think my answer is the same as before. The father before me is the only father I know.

    Something glassy appears in his fathers eyes.

    You truly are your mothers son. Just like her, you are more than I could ever deserve.

    ~~~