CHAPTER 39: BEGGING

Haruto shook his head firmly at Azame’s offer. "I’m good. Thanks though." He adjusted his school bag strap and gave her a polite but dismissive wave. "If Ryouta’s got beef with me, then that’s something I gotta handle myself, you know? Can’t have someone else fighting my battles."

Azame looked like she wanted to argue, her eyebrows furrowing in that stubborn way she had when she disagreed with something. But Haruto was already backing away, his breath forming small clouds in the cold air. "Look, I appreciate you wanting to help and all, but this is just how it’s gotta be. See you tomorrow, okay?"

He turned and walked away before she could protest further, hearing her frustrated sigh behind him. The snow crunched under his shoes as he made his way down the familiar path home. It was the same route he’d taken every day for the past two years – past the convenience store where the old man always nodded at him, past that weird house with all the garden gnomes, and finally through the narrow alley that served as a shortcut to his neighborhood.

The alley was always quiet this time of day. Most people took the main road since it was better lit and wider, but Haruto liked the peaceful atmosphere here. The snow had piled up pretty thick on both sides, creating these weird little walls that made everything feel muffled and separate from the rest of the world. His footsteps echoed softly off the buildings on either side.

Then he saw her.

At first, it was just a silhouette standing at the far end of the alley, but even from a distance, something about the way she stood made his heart skip. The posture was too familiar, too recognizable. As he got closer, the streetlight caught her profile, and there was no mistaking it.

"Akiko?" The name came out barely above a whisper, like he was afraid saying it too loud would make her disappear.

She turned toward him, and damn if his chest didn’t tighten up seeing her face again. Those dark eyes that always seemed to look right through him, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, even the slight tilt of her head when she was thinking about something. It had only been a few weeks since they’d last talked, but it felt like way longer.

"I knew you’d come this way," she said softly, taking a step toward him. "You always did like taking the quiet route home."

Haruto felt his mouth go dry. "What are you doing here? I thought we agreed that—"

He never got to finish that sentence because suddenly she was right there, her arms wrapping around him tight, her face buried against his chest. The familiar scent of her shampoo hit him like a punch to the gut, bringing back a flood of memories he’d been trying real hard to keep locked away.

"I missed you," she whispered against his jacket, her voice muffled but clear enough that every word hit him like a physical thing. "God, Haruto, I missed you so much these past few days. I tried to stay away, I really did, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep properly. I kept walking past places we used to go together, hoping I’d run into you by accident."

Her grip on him tightened, and he could feel her trembling slightly. Whether it was from the cold or from emotion, he couldn’t tell. Maybe both.

"I kept telling myself I was being stupid, that I should just move on and forget about everything, but..." She pulled back just enough to look up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "But I can’t, Haruto. I can’t just pretend like what we had didn’t matter. I can’t pretend like I don’t still—"

"Akiko, don’t." His voice came out rougher than he intended, and he gently but firmly placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to create some distance between them. The problem was, even that small contact sent familiar warmth shooting through him, making it hard to think straight.

This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. This was why he’d been avoiding the places they used to hang out, why he’d been taking different routes to school, why he’d been trying so damn hard to keep his promise to Satsuki. But here Akiko was, looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world, and all his careful resolve was starting to crumble.

"I know what you’re gonna say," she continued, not backing away despite his hands on her shoulders. "I know you think this is a bad idea, that we shouldn’t be doing this. But I don’t care anymore, Haruto. I really don’t."

He tried to step back, but she moved with him, staying close. "You don’t understand. Things are different now. I made a promise to someone, and I can’t just—"

"To who?" There was an edge to her voice now, something sharp and possessive that made his stomach twist. "To that girl? Satsuki?"

The way she said Satsuki’s name made him wince. Like it tasted bitter in her mouth.

"It’s not about her specifically," he said, though even as the words came out, he knew they weren’t entirely true. "It’s about doing the right thing. About not messing up people’s lives just because I can’t figure out what I want."

Akiko laughed, but there wasn’t any humor in it. "The right thing? Haruto, when has anything we’ve done together ever been about doing the right thing?"

Before he could answer, she reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling it toward her. For a second, he thought she was just going to hold it, but then she pressed his palm flat against her chest, right over her heart. Through the thin fabric of her sweater, he could feel the rapid beating, could feel the warmth of her skin underneath.

"If you want my heart," she said, her voice dropping to that low, intimate tone that always made his knees feel weak, "I’ll give you everything. All of it. No conditions, no expectations, no complicated promises to other people. Just me and you, the way it’s supposed to be."

The familiar softness under his palm brought back a rush of memories he’d been trying to suppress. Late afternoons in her empty house when her parents were working. The way she’d look at him afterwards, like he was something precious and fragile. The sound of her breathing when she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder.

His resolve wavered, and she must have seen it in his face because she moved even closer, close enough that he could feel her breath against his neck when she spoke.

"You know where I live," she whispered, her lips almost brushing his ear. "You know my parents don’t get home until late. I’m always alone, Haruto. Always thinking about you, wishing you were there with me."

"Akiko..." His voice sounded strained even to his own ears.

"You could just tell people you’re going to Jun’s house to study," she continued, her hand covering his where it still rested against her chest. "It’s exam season anyway. No one would question it. We could have the whole evening together, just like before. Just like we both want."

The temptation was almost overwhelming. He could picture it so clearly – walking up to her front door, the way she’d smile when she opened it, the quiet comfort of being somewhere he didn’t have to pretend or think about complicated feelings or promises to other people. Just him and Akiko and the easy intimacy they’d always shared.

But then he thought about Satsuki’s face when she’d asked him to choose. The way she’d looked so vulnerable, so hopeful. The way she’d trusted him enough to put her heart on the line like that.

"I can’t," he said, "Akiko, I can’t do this. Not anymore."

He pulled his hand away from her chest and stepped back, putting as much distance between them as the narrow alley would allow. "I’m still in high school, still a kid."

The hurt that flashed across her face was like a physical blow. For a moment, she just stood there, staring at him with those dark eyes that seemed to see right through all his excuses and justifications.

"Is that really what you think?" she asked quietly. "That we’re just kids playing around? That what we had didn’t mean anything real?"

"That’s not what I meant—"

"Then what did you mean, Haruto?"

He wanted to argue with her, wanted to explain that it was about being scared that Onee-chan might hurt or even kill her.

Instead of saying any of that, he just shook his head and turned away. "I gotta go."

Behind him, Akiko stood perfectly still in the falling snow, watching his retreating figure until he disappeared around the corner. The alley fell silent again, except for the soft whisper of snowflakes hitting the ground and the distant sound of his footsteps fading into the night.

But her expression at this moment did not show disappointment like before. She knew she had a secret weapon, and Haruto would belong to her anyway...