CHAPTER 363: SPRING BENEATH THE SNOW

"Yes."

Never had that word sounded so harsh to Xion’s ears. Never had he felt this urge to shove himself into the darkest corner and never let Darius see him again.

Ironically, the thought of not being able to see this elf only made his insides twist. A strange bitterness spread inside his chest.

"Baby, look at me."

Xion did. Like a mindless puppet, he obeyed.

A strange thought struck him. Would that not be good if he truly were just a mindless puppet?

Then he wouldn’t be feeling this suffocation, he wouldn’t be so... miserable.

All of his thoughts halted the moment he saw those pale green eyes.

They were usually so composed and cool, like a thousand-year-old snow.

However, now they were pools of gentle spring. So beautiful that Xion was willing to drown himself in them.

I am such a fool...

As if Darius already knew what he was thinking — and disagreed with every cruel thought Xion’s mind was feeding him.

"Stop," he said, thumb brushing gently over the skin beneath Xion’s eye.

There was no wetness, and yet Xion looked worse than crying.

"Don’t go running off in that head of yours. Stay here, Xion. Stay with me."

This is the person I am married to. Could he really be so bad at reading people that he truly didn’t notice any malice?

While regulating his breathing, Xion tried to smile. It came out crooked. "I... You... you’re saying you only kept me because of what I am."

A faint frown tugged at Darius’ brow. He cupped Xion’s face, forcing his baby to look straight at him. "That’s what you thought?"

Xion flinched. He hated how those words made the hope ignite in his heart. How easy it was for the Archduke to toy with him. It made him feel so small.

"Xion," Darius said, the words he had so carefully rehearsed finally left his mouth. "What you are... drew me to you. Yes. But that’s not why I want you. It’s not why I fell for you."

His hand slipped to cradle the back of Xion’s neck, pulling him just close enough for their foreheads to touch.

"If you think some goddess or whatever makes you respected in my eyes..." Darius let out a soft laugh, though there was no humor in it.

"You don’t get it, my love. At that time, all I wanted was to use you. And yet, before I even realised it, you became my very reason to live."

Xion’s lips parted, but no sound came out.

"I love you. I adore

you. You are everything to me, but... " Darius grabbed Xion’s waist and pulled the silent beauty onto his lap. Even this distance seemed unbearable to him.

"It makes me wonder if I hold the same importance in your heart, or do I have to work hard to make it possible? Tell me, baby. When will you let me in?"

The knot in Xion’s chest loosened just a little. He blinked, trying to ignore the faintest hint of tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.

Darius noticed. Of course he did, and pressed a kiss to his temple before pulling back just enough to look at him properly.

"Baby," he murmured. "Don’t cry. You’ll ruin me if you cry."

Xion shook his head weakly, as if denying the tears threatening to fall. But he couldn’t hide the way his hands gripped the front of Darius’ shirt, clutching it like a lifeline.

"W-what are you trying to do?" Why are you making me feel so pathetic? And now, before I can even understand it, you are confessing to me. "How do you want me to react?"

Xion lost his ability to comprehend. He truly wanted to follow whatever his lover would say.

"By being honest with me. By telling me the things that are eating you from inside." Darius pressed a kiss on the cheek this time before tracing the trembling eyelids with his lips.

"You never tell me about your worries while I am constantly utilizing this pretty brain of yours for my own profit. I feel like I am using you. Like some loathing, power-hungry noble."

Xion closed his eyes. He thought he was hiding his weird mood pretty well. Well enough that Noxian hadn’t noticed a thing either.

But here he was, causing Darius such pain. And what was this ’using you’ about? He had barely done his part as the other half of the Archduke.

According to the rules, he should be dealing with documents and overseeing the preparation of the Winter ball.

Yet it was Darius accompanying him, feeding him, and taking care of him.

"Darius..."

"Yes, love?" the Archduke was quick to reply. His voice filled with adoration as he gently tucked a few naughty black strands beside Xion’s ear. "What is it?"

Xion gulped.

Am I weak for just wanting to cry in your arms? Am I even allowed to say how much I love you?

He had hoarded these bitter feelings inside him for months, or perhaps for years.

Darius’ gentle touch and soft voice unraveled him, and just like that, it spilled messily from his tightly sealed lips.

"Don’t hate me, please."

All of his words turned into one desperate plea.

"No matter how weak I am, no matter how useless I become, please, don’t hate me."

"Oh, baby," Darius hugged Xion tightly in his arms.

The words stung his heart more than any dagger could. How could this boy, his sweet Xion, still believe there was anything in him to hate?

"Don’t you ever say that again," Darius hissed against Xion’s hair. "Not in jest, not even in passing. You hear me?"

Xion remained still. Only a slight tremor and the wet touch on Darius’ shoulder gave away how terrible he was feeling.

"You are not weak." The arms tightened around the smaller frame.

"And you are never useless. You’re—" Darius had to close his eyes to steady himself. "You are my brave Xion. You are someone, even royals are scrambling to get their hands on."

Though the Archduke would happily cut down any hand that dared inch closer to his baby.

"People are singing praises for you. Your students, those healers, are dying to meet you. They wouldn’t if you weren’t you."

They wouldn’t be rushing to the hunting grounds if it weren’t for you.

This was precisely why Darius had taken the initiative to bring this matter to Xion. He needed to know.