CHAPTER 187: CHAPTER 187: YOU WERE MY FIRST REAL LOVE

~Zayn’s POV~

My response was quiet, but it carried the weight of everything that had passed. "Then answer me this question," I challenged. "If Nicki had been loyal to you when he came to you, would you have chosen him back, or would you still chase after me?"

Evric met my gaze, his expression changing from desperation to a profound, focused resolve. He knew a simple denial would be meaningless now.

"Babe, if I just answer ’no’ to your question, it will hold no meaning," he began, his voice soft but resonant. "You might still doubt me. I owe you a true explanation for you to understand the man you fell in love with."

I remained seated, silent, allowing him the stage.

"Before I met Nicki, I had casual encounters, but none of them matched the intensity I craved," Evric admitted, his eyes distant as he dredged up the past. "In my freshman year of university, I saw Nicki at a club. We didn’t exchange words; we exchanged a long, magnetic stare. When I went to the restroom, he followed. We were consumed by each other, twice, right there. I took him home, and for a long time, that’s all we were. We were fueled by perpetual sex. It was an obsession."

He took a deep breath, his knuckles white where he gripped my thighs. "He eventually introduced me to drugs. He claimed it would make me stronger, happier, and let me last longer. I took it because I was already addicted to the extreme nature of the sex. Soon, that was our entire life: drugs, sex, drink, repeat. I was so lost in the pleasure that I ignored the danger. One night, after a dose, he brought a friend home. I was weak, asleep, but I remember hearing a moan. When I woke, he convinced me it was my imagination."

"I was so selfish. I couldn’t see past the physical need. I didn’t love him; I was obsessed with the way we had sex. I never once celebrated an anniversary with him or took him out on a real date. My father eventually had to intervene to separate us after Nicki cheated on me. Even when I saw the betrayal, I still slept with him because I confused my extreme desire for him with love. It wasn’t love; it was a devastating sexual compulsion

."

Evric squeezed my hands, pulling my focus back to the present. "After we split, I searched for that intensity again, but I couldn’t touch anyone. I was confused, believing that craving sex meant craving love. It wasn’t until a friend abroad explained it to me: He said, ’If all you crave is sex, but your heart never aches to simply hold them, to just stare at their face while they sleep, then you’ve never loved. You’ve only been addicted.’

His eyes, now bright with sincerity, searched mine. "Zayn, you might not believe me, but the first night we were together, it’s the first time my body moved with my heart. It’s the first time I realized I didn’t want to hurt someone. It’s the first time I felt restraint, protecting you, even though I desperately wanted to lose control."

"It’s the first time I ever carried you to bed," Evric continued, his smile softening as he remembered. "You immediately rolled over and held my hand in your sleep. I barely knew you then, yet I couldn’t stop smiling just looking at your face, at how completely beautiful and cute you were. That was the moment I knew you were different."

"Everything I’ve explained to you is to let you know this: with you, all I feel is love. You made me realize what it means to love, and that love means sacrifice. You taught me true love. With Nicki, even if my father hadn’t separated us, all I would have ever craved was sex. With you, Zayn, all I crave is all of you."

He shifted, his voice desperate. "If I still wanted that old life, that old intensity, Nicki threw himself at me so many times, even recently. I kept rejecting him because I already had the man I loved."

"Zayn, with the way I love sex, I would have cheated on you with Nicki countless times if I didn’t love you more. I know what I’m saying, but trust me, I love you so much, and I’m sorry for those thoughtless words earlier."

He swallowed hard. "Babe, trust me, I never want you to be Nicki. I love you just the way you are. Everything about you drives me crazy. I love you too much to just be seeking sex from you."

When I talk about wanting you, it’s not just sex, it’s because I want to share that intimacy with the man I love. You’re not a replacement, Zayn. You’re my choice."

Tears welled in his eyes. "I’m sorry for not telling you, but I was terrified of losing you. I thought if I kept the past quiet until our relationship was solid, until my father approved, you’d forgive me. Please believe me, I love you so much. Even if Nicki had been loyal, I wouldn’t choose him. What I feel for you is something I myself can’t fully explain. You are my home, Zayn. My happiness."

I stared at him, completely speechless, the raw magnitude of his confession leaving me with nothing left to say.

Evric slowly pushed himself up from the floor where he’d been kneeling all along, his voice still soft from everything he had just confessed. He looked at me for a moment, then glanced toward the couch before moving to sit down on it.

"Baby," he said gently, patting his thigh, "come and sit on me."

I hesitated, my eyes locked on his. I didn’t move.

"Please, babe," he murmured, his gaze pleading, voice low and warm. "Please, hmm?"

His eyes were so gentle, I couldn’t resist. I stood and carefully sat on his lap. The moment I did, his arms came around me, holding me close.

"This doesn’t change the fact that Nicki and I share you," I mumbled against his shirt, the resentment still heavy. "I hate that thought, Evric."

He held me tight, stroking my back. "It’s true you both shared my body, but in a fundamentally different way," he reasoned, cupping my face with one large hand. "You won my heart, my mind, my soul, my future, and my body. Every part of me craves you. With Nicki, he lost from the beginning because he never had my heart. You won me from the beginning, and I will forever cherish you, baby."

He kissed my forehead. "So, please, don’t you ever compare yourself to Nicki. You are far better than him, and you know it."

"I love you so much, Zayn," he murmured.

"I love you more, Evric," I replied, and he leaned in for a kiss a deep, slow kiss that was less about passion and more about solidifying the future.

Afterward, he stroked my back soothingly. "Let’s move back to my place."

"When?" I asked, already tired of the distance.

"What about tomorrow?" he offered.

"Okay, babe," I agreed, finally allowing myself to relax fully into his embrace. The war was over. I had won.