Chapter 35.1?

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    Translated by Springlila

    Edited by Springlila?

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    Trigger warning: Anxiety/Panic Attack?

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    “Go in. I will come on Friday morning.”?

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    “Yes, see you then.”?

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    “…You’ve been feeling weak since before.”?

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    Choi Sung-hoon wrinkled his brow as if worried about me and looked at my face carefully. I tried to smile brightly and keep talking a while ago, but I’m not sure how it came out.?

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    “But I’m full of energy? Maybe it’s because I’m a little sleepy.”?

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    “Let’s go to the hospital on Friday.”?

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    “Even if you’re healthy. Choi Sung Hoon, you should go. People who don’t usually go to the hospital and are in good health are suddenly struck down by a major illness.”?

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    “We can go together.”?

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    Choi Sung-hoon bowed his head and kissed my lips.?

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    I clenched my fists and tried not to hug him as our rough, warm lips met and parted.?

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    After sending Choi Sung-hoon, I sat down in front of the front door.?

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    Choi Sung-hoon delicately arranged the things his parents took care of in the refrigerator and various places in the kitchen.?

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    I didn’t know it when I first met him. He was such a kind and sweet person.?

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    I thought he was just a psychopath gangster who was angry about his brother’s accident.?

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    He’s such a sweet person, so I’m sure an Omega will be happy to marry him.?

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    I scratched my cold chest as I exhaled harshly.?

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    ‘To that person, Seo-yu si is just a joke for a moment. Not just a dominant, especially if it’s extremely dominant. Each has its own territory.’?

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    I would have been misunderstood if Ho-in hadn’t advised me before. Maybe it was about me.?

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    I’m glad to hear about this today.?

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    A dry and sad laugh kept leaking out.?

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    Marriage.?

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    He was getting married?

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    …After making me fall in love with you.?

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    After cratching my chest, I realized my mind was unstable and jumped to my feet. I found a tranquilizer in the drawer next to my bed and ate whatever I could get my hands on.?

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    My counselor advised me to take a tranquilizer as soon as possible when I was extremely unstable. Because I’m not sure what I’m going to do.?

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    But I didn’t seem to get better even after eating it.?

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    There were many things I wanted to ask him.?

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    That person must be a good Omega, right??

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    You already have a baby??

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    When were you going to tell me??

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    When my heart ready??

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    Were you saying that you could break up with me at any time because I’m just a sex partner??

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    Ah… Shit.?

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    Life was so crazy that I couldn’t bear it.?

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    My head hurts, my chest hurts, and my stomach hurts as well. It hurt as if someone was ripping my intestines, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and leaned against the bed. I took a deep breath and thought.?

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    I couldn’t help but love.?

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    It was irresistible.?

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    It was his fault for being too kind to someone like me while he had someone to marry.?

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    It was the first time someone was so kind to me… I was so lonely.?

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    Even today, he was a person who told me that I could cry while hugging me tightly, and I couldn’t help but fall in love.?

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    I’d never felt such pain before. I had always met lightly, fallen in love lightly, and then broken up, but I had no idea that love was like this.?

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    There was nothing I could do about it.?

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    I was so miserable that I reached out to the open drawer and took out a can of sleeping pills. I tried to eat as much as I could, but there was only one pill left inside.?

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    I swallowed the sleeping pill and closed my eyes while clutching my aching stomach, which felt like it was being torn apart… Something cold caught my foot.?

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    I opened my eyes with difficulty.?

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    It was a black river.?

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    Black and cold water covered the floor and invaded the room.?

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    I struggled to climb onto the bed. The floor of the room was already obscured by the river.?

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    Just as fate tells you to know your situation at the happiest moment.?

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    A cold wave came from afar, expanding its territory. To swallow me up without a second thought…?

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    * * *?

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    I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t sleep because my stomach hurt so much. I struggled to get up, knowing that a single injection given by the hospital could completely eliminate the pain, as opposed to the pain reliever available at the pharmacy.?

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    I washed up and was getting ready to leave when I received a call from Choi Sung-hoon. After some thought, I responded…?

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    “Hello.”?

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    – Did you just wake up? Your voice is hoarse.?

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    “Yes… just now.”?

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    – It’s eleven o’clock. Have you left yet??

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    I wondered how he knew I was going to the hospital, and then I remembered that I had told him I would meet my relatives on the second and third days of the holiday. Choi Sung-hoon said he couldn’t come with me because he was going to meet his relative as well.?

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    “I am going in the afternoon. My relative’s house is also in Seoul.”?

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    – Well… I’m off this morning.?

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    “Rest well. It’s also difficult to deal with relatives and adults.”?

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    – It’s not particularly difficult, but… May I take you??

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    “What? No, no. You said it was you were in Busan.”?

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    – It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of time until the afternoon.?

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    “I’m sorry, I can’t.”?

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    Choi Sung-hoon stopped asking after I repeatedly refused. He said he was bored because he didn’t have anything to do until the afternoon. I resisted the urge to ask if he was going to marry the person he was dating or the person chosen by his family?

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    “What are your hobbies, Choi Sung-hoon ssi? It’s a long holiday, so enjoy your hobbies.”?

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    – I don’t know. Hobby…?

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    “Something you usually do during your free time. Like watching a movie, reading, or playing an instrument.”?

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    After reciting it, it seemed that Choi Sung-hoon was 10 billion light-years away. But now I understand. He appears to be capable of playing people’s screams, but he may actually be someone who was capable of playing romantic instruments such as the violin.?

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    – What’s your hobby, Seo-yu ssi? I want to try what you do.?

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    “…”?

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    I couldn’t answer. I’m always interested in what other people do in their spare time. What on earth was I doing with my time… I think dating was my favorite hobby.?

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    “If it were me, I think I would just sleep. Sleep is the best medicine.”?

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    – That’s right. Are you feeling okay today? I didn’t want to talk about it because I thought you might not be ready, but my mother told me the reason why Seo-yu ssi was upset…?

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    – Director.?

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    Choi Sung-hoon was called by someone next to him to talk.?

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    He wasn’t alone. Was he with the Omega he was going to marry? I hear him address Choi Sung-hoon by his rank, he must be a subordinate. You said you were bored at home alone.?

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    “You seem busy, so I’ll hang up.”?

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    – Oh, Seo-yu ssi. Just a second-.?

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    The inside of my stomach tingled again. I hung up the phone before he finished speaking.?

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    Then I sat still.?

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    I couldn’t think of anything.?

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    I was just sitting there when the vibration of my phone startled me awake. At first glance, I thought the phone’s screen was broken.?

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    6:30 p.m.?

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    I had been sitting blankly for nearly seven hours. I’ve often been blacked out like this since 10 or 11 years ago, but I think this was the first time this winter.?

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    The source of the vibration that woke me up was the chat room of Choi Sung-hoon’s family. I did not enter it so that the ‘unread’ mark does not disappear.?

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    I left the house with a sore back. I brought the owner’s grandfather a holiday gift, the house was buzzing with the arrival of his grandchildren, and the grandfather had a bright smile on his face.?

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    The owner’s grandfather then gave me a Korean beef set.?

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    I was going to grill the Korean beef, but I got nauseated and decided to put it away.?

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    The fruits brought from Choi Sung-hoon’s home were edible. I ate five apples bigger than my fist in one sitting. Then I got an upset stomach and couldn’t sleep properly.?

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    On the last day of the holiday, I felt even more down.?

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    I’d been feeling uncomfortable since the morning and there was some blood coming out from my bottom. I found a nearby hospital, made a reservation, and then left the house.?

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    I got a call from Choi Sung-hoon, but I didn’t answer it.?

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    I haven’t received it for the seventh time since last night.?

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    Shit, I should’ve told him to contact the Omega, who will marry him instead. They said you had a child.?

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    I can chew on Choi Sung-hoon.?

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    Because I was broken hearted.?

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    The broken heart wasn’t as miserable and sad as I thought. All the breakup songs that just flow out were like my story. It seemed like the sky was crying, all of a sudden my body began to ache here and there. I could see a black river or hear the sound of the river’s ripples, and I just lose the will to live.?

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    I became so helpless that it was hard to believe that it had only been two days.?

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    I got on the bus to the hospital and looked out the window blankly. The phone kept vibrating. Choi Sung-hoon kept sending messages when I didn’t answer the phone.?

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    Ha… I told you to call your Omega. I should change the saved name as well. Because it would be rude to his spouse.?

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    My lower stomach continued to hurt, so I wrapped my arms around it. When I picked up my phone to turn off the annoying vibration, there was a message from Won-jo on it.?

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    Won-jo [It’s good today for alcohol, go? My treat]?

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    There was nothing good about today. It was so gloomy.?

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    [I broke up…]?

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    Won-jo [Hahahaha]?

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    Won-jo [It went pretty long]?

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    Won-jo [Hahaha]?

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    Won-jo [Let’s have a drink]?

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    Fuck you bastard… Won-jo laughed and giggled looked like he was in a good mood, but when I reject his invitation, he got sulky and cursed me.?

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    The ○○ psychiatric clinic was quite far from the bus stop. The first place I went to was convenient because it was close to the subway station, but it was closed since it was a holiday.?

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    The parking lot near the building’s entrance was completely full. This was due to a lack of psychiatric clinics open during the Lunar New Year holiday. Despite the fact that my arrival was delayed, I arrived earlier than expected. I intended to go to internal medicine after receiving sleeping pills, but I should have gone to internal medicine first.?

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    I walked on a nearby well-kept walkway because I had nothing better to do. But my back began to hurt so badly that I had to stop. My stomach ached so badly that my hands trembled and I couldn’t catch my breath. While trying to sit on the ground, I managed to sit on the bench and take a deep breath.?

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    I rubbed my stomach and took out my phone. Ex-boyfriends’ holiday messages sparkled. Seeing a lot of red lights at a time when my heart was empty, I’m glad I didn’t block them. I also responded one by one, wishing them a Happy New Year.?

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    Choi Sung-hoon’s family chat room was also on fire. The last message was [Meatball].?

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    “…” ?

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    I suddenly wanted to eat a meatball, so I immediately started walking. There was a market near the hospital, but only one stand opened. I sat at the inner table and ordered meatballs and a variety of pancakes.?

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    “A bottle of soju, please.”?

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    “Oh, my. Student. Do you drink in the middle of the day?”?

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    “I’m craving for a little drink today.”?

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    The boss brought me makgeolli. It was the first time I went to the stand in broad daylight on the last day of the Lunar New Year holiday to drink makgeolli and eat meatballs as a snack.?

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    It was doable to break up with a heart. Except for the constant tingling pain in my lower abdomen.?

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    I thought, tearing the pancake into pieces.?

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    But why am I here today??

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    I was doing something and all of a sudden came to buy meatballs.?

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    “…”?

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    Ah, I’m finally crazy… Hospital.?

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    I sighed and called the hospital. When the staff learned that I was canceling the reservation, they were delighted and quickly hung up. I stared blankly at the disconnected screen.?

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    Can I still go to the doctor if I drank alcohol? I can go, right?