I slowly opened my eyes to the gentle hand brushing my hair.?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon was sitting with his back against the bright lights. He gave me a harsh look when our eyes met.?

    ?

    “Isn’t there a misunderstanding we need to clear up? You can’t wait for that and fall asleep?”?

    ?

    “It seems I have dozed off for a while… “?

    ?

    “It is now past one o’clock in the afternoon.”?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon expressed his dissatisfaction.?

    ?

    No… If a person was too relieved, he might fall asleep… About twelve hours…?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon gently wrapped his hands around my cheeks as I pouted my lips in embarrassment.?

    ?

    “It’s just a joke. I would have been more worried if you couldn’t sleep. Let’s eat first.”?

    ?

    Before we started talking, Choi Sung-hoon filled my stomach first. After we had a full meal, he folded his arms as if to begin. And twisting his cast feet.?

    ?

    “So, it’s all a misunderstanding?”?

    ?

    Weren’t you the only one who misunderstood??

    ?

    I crossed my legs as if I wasn’t going to lose. While exposing the bruise marks on the wrists made by Choi Sung-hoon.?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon raised one of his eyebrows at me. I pretended I didn’t know and spoke up.?

    ?

    “I don’t know where the misunderstanding came from, but it wasn’t saying goodbye to Choi Sung-hoon ssi, it was just saying goodbye to my various pasts. You would not have been misunderstood if you had thought of me normally.”?

    ?

    “You mean you said goodbye to your past, not to me.”?

    ?

    “Yes. Have you returned home? I left something for Choi Sung-hoon ssi to see there. You’re going to believe that I didn’t manipulate it because I’ve been with you since then, right?”?

    ?

    “Why were you taking your shoes off?”?

    ?

    “I dropped it in the river. In the sense of saying goodbye.”?

    ?

    “Why did you leave your phone behind?”?

    ?

    “Why can’t you trust people? I didn’t want to die. Do you think I’m a crazy person who is obsessed to die?”?

    ?

    “It’s hard to believe because you have a record.”?

    ?

    “Well. I can’t open my heart and show you, so what should I do?”?

    ?

    “You really want to live?”?

    ?

    “Yes, I want to live now. I want to live my life to the fullest. I’m going crazy.”?

    ?

    It was an incredible situation in which I had to explain that I really wanted to live.?

    ?

    I never imagined that there would be a situation where I had to appeal to my desire to live. As I said that I wanted to continue living in frustration, I suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu. Looks like something similar happened before…?

    ?

    … Ah…?

    ?

    That’s right. I couldn’t believe I tried to commit suicide last year, so that was why he kept asking. I burst out laughing when I remembered that time.?

    ?

    “…Why are you laughing?”?

    ?

    When I suddenly laughed out loud, Choi Sung-hoon asked. Choi Sung-hoon’s face was showing much more emotion than then. Not long ago, he was someone who didn’t even understand the feeling of wanting to die, but now he…?

    ?

    He was worried I’d die… So he stomps on the gas pedal as hard as he can and rushes with his legs.?

    ?

    Risking his own life.?

    ?

    “Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”?

    ?

    I put my hand on the back of his big hand.?

    ?

    “Come to that bridge with me. I have something to tell you.”?

    ?

    * * *?

    ?

    It was a warm spring day as if it had never rained. Even though I wanted to be depressed, a warm spring breeze gently swept through my hair.?

    ?

    Only traces of tire slip and white paint remained on the road after the crushed guardrail was replaced. It would disappear in a matter of days…?

    ?

    It was a close call accident, but many cars continued on their way as if nothing had happened.?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon had sprained his ankle, so we walked slowly.?

    ?

    “It is said that because there were so many accidents at Mapo Bridge, the railing was repaired to be stronger.”?

    ?

    “I see.”?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon grabbed my hand gently.?

    ?

    “This wasn’t always a double guardrail. It was only about knee-high, and the screw was missing due to its age.”?

    ?

    “…”?

    ?

    “Because of a family car crash 11 years ago, they installed a double guardrail on the sidewalk side.”?

    ?

    We walked slowly until we arrived at the location.?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon stopped when I did. He held my hand tightly.?

    ?

    “It was a moment.”?

    ?

    I spoke up slowly.?

    ?

    The sight of that day… I remembered how it was even when I closed my eyes.?

    ?

    The night when the rain was pouring. I was drooling and dozing off as I returned from eating out with my family.?

    ?

    It was a moment when I could hear my father’s voice and my mother’s sharp scream. The car slammed into the river. In the dark, where I couldn’t see anything, my parents and older brother called out my name.?

    ?

    “When the car was submerged in the black river and I couldn’t do anything but hang on to my older brother, he broke the rear glass. And he pushed me out first.”?

    ?

    “…”?

    ?

    “My brother pushed me away with all his might, desperately enough to bruise my back… After some time had passed, I got out. Maybe he was late to get out because he was trying to save our parents.”?

    ?

    The car drowned endlessly, and my parents left the world. My older brother barely escaped and did not regain consciousness until the very end.?

    ?

    So I survived alone.?

    ?

    The feeling of the hand pushing my back was still fresh in my mind.?

    ?

    “My parents and older brother were cremated and placed in an ossuary, but I keep thinking they’re still in that river. It’s strange.”?

    ?

    “It’s not strange.”?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon denied it right away. He was looking in the same direction as I was.?

    ?

    “I have to greet them. Your older brother and parents who saved you.”?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon’s profile, looking at the Han River seriously, was very human and revealed the most vivid emotions in the world.?

    ?

    It was the first time I wasn’t crying when I talked about my family.?

    ?

    To the point where it was not scary even though I was on the Han River bridge… It was cozy and light.?

    ?

    “Last year, I said that Sung-hyun saved me to cover up the accident he caused while driving without a license, but he really saved me.”?

    ?

    “When we first met-.”?

    ?

    As I talked about my past, Choi Sung-hoon looked at me. The warm gaze that seemed to affirm anything I said made me courageous.?

    ?

    “I was about to jump that day, but I saw a high school student getting out of a car that had hit the guardrail while swearing… When I saw the accident that killed my parents and saved your brother, I went insane. I attempted suicide…”?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon listened to me seriously.?

    ?

    “I see.”?

    ?

    “Do you know what I’m saying?”?

    ?

    “Yes, I think I know. And the guardrail saved my life yesterday.”?

    ?

    “Yes, that’s right.”?

    ?

    That was what I wanted to say.?

    ?

    I felt complicated. It was complicated and overwhelming. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. A relationship formed as a result of death was…?

    ?

    “I’m so glad that I met Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”?

    ?

    “…”?

    ?

    His expression changed as a result of what I said. The expression, which appeared to shed tears quickly and resembled a smile, clearly revealed the feeling of being overwhelmed.?

    ?

    “I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet you.”?

    ?

    My heart was filled with joy when I heard his response.?

    ?

    Choi Sung-hoon came up to me and hugged me. His embrace was comfortable and warm.?

    ?

    I was glad I fell in love with Choi Sung-hoon.?

    ?

    I really have the opportunity to love… That was a relief.?

    ?

    This feeling, which I would never have felt if I hadn’t chosen my life that day, was so beautiful that I decided I wanted to remember it in the future.?

    ?

    When a person was unexpectedly surprised, they become flustered and withdrawn. If you hear a loud noise, something falls right in front of you, or something unexpected happens, you would freeze in place.?

    ?

    My family suddenly left at once, and I spent the next 11 years in a dazed and withdrawn state.?

    ?

    I was going to slowly stretch my shoulders. And I would live.?

    ?

    Along with Choi Sung-hoon. With this beautiful feeling.?

    ?

    Saying goodbye to everything and moving on to a new life.