(83): WAR OF THE MINDS

Argent led Nestra through the camp at a good speed. In a weird way, his scale pattern matched hers in the way they alternated dark and almost white colors, so the sibling allegations made sense to her. Many of the women watched Argent pass with… quiet consideration. They also gave her a curious glance although that faded once she did the lizard thing of walking single file as a group. It annoyed her a bit to be behind someone she’d punched in the face for a bag of heads but whatever. Her self-esteem could take it.

The pair left the quiet camp, leaving the drone of songs and the sounds of work behind to find the false quiet of the forest. Nestra’s hearing could pick up the groans of wood and the chirping and other calls of the smaller wildlife, the ones most raiders left alive because they weren’t worth the effort. Only after they’d left the orchards and the beaten path far behind did Argent Ephis cross ferns and wild growths to an eerily beautiful clearing hidden away, filled with flowers and remarkably calm. The light of the afternoon sun reminded Nestra of the good days of Threshold’s summer before the wet heat of the monsoon made it miserable. Back home, it was January but here she could almost hear the crickets. It was rather pleasant. Enough to want to lie down on the grass.

Another pleasant thing was how she could just walk bare-legged through the forest because she had scales. Back home it would be a contest between the ticks and the lantana to see who could most fuck up her calves. Being a lizard had its perks and now she would enjoy a pleasant setting for the following conversation.

At this stage, it could go either way.

Argent settled down on a stump. He turned his head around, then his tongue flicked out, tasting the air. Once he was confident they were alone, he spoke.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Is this place safe to talk?”

“Yes, but not to change,” he replied. “No outdoor place is safe to change here. The Elder watches.”

Nestra bobbed her head.

“I understand. Before we begin, I need to ask you a question. Are you loyal to your tribe?”

Argent’s eyes narrowed.

“The Bleak Spears, yes. They support me, and I support them in return. Why?”

“And what about the other tribes?” Nestra asked.

She was fairly confident about his answer. He didn’t disappoint.

“I have no loyalty to the others beyond the rules we all follow. I ask again, why? Be careful, little sister. I will not kill you but I can harm you.”

“I want to do something that will harm the tribes, but you can protect yours, and get ahead. Maybe.”

Nestra pretended not to see his fingers tighten on the spear shaft.

“You are a spy. No. A saboteur. You are here to destroy us.”

It sounded like an accusation. Nestra needed to reframe it in a way that would make sense in lizard mentality.

“I serve the cause of my tribe. You are serving the cause of yours. They are at war,” Nestra reminded him. “Do not be angry at me. We are talking because I want us to help each other. Our true tribe is the People. We are kin.”

“Hssss.”

“As a show of goodwill, I will tell you one thing about our kind. With no expectation of return.”

He recoiled in surprise.

“How could you know what I could not, little sister? You are younger.”

“I know that you will travel to our home world after you reach the third… step.”

“Third ascension.”

“Yes. You will return and leave this world for a while. We all do.”

He looked shocked.

“But… everything I built.”

“You will leave. You will feel the need to leave.”

“I… see.”

Nestra gave him a moment to digest this revelation. It appeared he appreciated Death Bloom more than Nestra expected.

“I will tell you something more if you help me get through the portal, and then find a place where I can hide for a hundred heartbeats.”

“Why? What would you want to do?”

“My people wish to see your world. They have prepared a contraption that will let them do just that.”

“A weapon?” Argent hissed, cautious.

Nestra waved her hand to signify dissent.

“They just want to see?” Argent scoffed. “Is that why they sent you?”

“This, you will find out if you accept this first offer. In return, I will inform you of something important.”

“How would you be certain about what is important?”

“Are Death Bloom and your child not important to you?”

Argent froze, then slowly, he stood up to tower over Nestra. He was agitated. Angry, but something was holding him back. Probably his instincts.

“If you are my sister, then why not tell me?”

“I wish for something in return. Remember, our interests align but the interests of our tribes do not. I have shown you my scales. Show yours, or I can also leave, and you will not find out what I know until it is too late.”

Nestra watched the curiosity and fear warring behind Argent’s steady gaze. She knew she had him. If this were any other entity, she would have made ready to fight him off if he decided to physically coerce her into talking. Argent was an Aszhii, however. His instincts would prevent that.

“Can I swear an oath, and you tell me now?”

“Yes. Promise to help me accomplish this task.”

“I promise. On my honor.”

Nestra bobbed her head. It was as strong a commitment as a lizardman could make.

“Your child will be like us… and your paramour will only ever be able to sire your children, or the children of another Aszhii. She is changed forever.”

Argent now sounded like a broken kettle. He deflated, falling to his knees in the empty meadow. His gaze glazed over.

Nestra decided to give him the five minutes he clearly needed. Eventually, he recovered enough.

“Are you certain?” he asked.

“I am. And I also believe that, should you be found out, they will kill your child.”

“Yessss. I thought it would be so.”

Argent kneeled. He grabbed a nearby root between his fingers. He pulled. The root exploded into splinters with a dull crack that spread over seconds as the Aszhii warrior twisted the innocent piece of wood into a shattered mass of pulp.

Nestra wondered if it would be tactless to ask him to get a move on. Probably.

“I suppose… you want to see our world? Quickly?” he finally asked.

“That would be best. Time is not on our side.”

“We cannot go right away,” Argent Ephis said with a voice of finality.

It was Nestra’s turn to narrow her eyes.

“First,” he explained. “You need your own spear. A proper one.”

***

“Spears are the mark of maturity for a hunter. If you do not carry a spear, then you are to be protected, but also, you are to obey. You are a hunter, sister, and a hunter needs a spear. I received mine when I was twelve.”

Without knowing how long years were in his world, it didn’t mean much to Nestra. Or how long it took for lizard children to grow up to be honest. Nevertheless, she bobbed her head like it meant something to her just to be polite.

“The spear tells your story and the story of your tribe. I will… allow you to be a Bleak Spear in my presence. You brought us a portal treasure so they would accept you if I asked.”

“You realize I don’t have the time to build the spear and go through all the rituals, right?”

Argent Ephis grew agitated again. Nestra had a feeling that he was getting her a spear partly so he could calm down, so she decided to cut him some slack.

“You never told me how much time you are willing to give before the war you mentioned reaches us,” he continued.

Nestra was now about to share highly confidential information to a known enemy. If she were not a triple agent herself, it would make her feel guilty.

“Promise me that you will not warn the other tribes.”

“I promise that I will warn no one, but that I will take the rest of my tribe away from the Gate of Illusion, should we not come to an agreement.”

“You have seven days. After that, it gets… difficult.”

He bobbed his head.

“It will be enough to tell you our way. Come, follow. It is not unusual for a warrior to lose their spear in times of war, but losing it in a hunt would be shameful. We must first find a suitable tree. The tribe’s shaman would help you find your first. Unfortunately, our shamans went home, so I will do it myself.”

Nestra followed him since he looked happier even though there was a rather important aspect of the conversation Argent seemed to be missing: she’d never asked him to be induced into lizard society. She had to admit, though, that curiosity needled her, and if it could help her mission then all the better. Argent Ephis led her farther into the forest, occasionally stopping to send a pulse of nature mana in the ground.

“Are you looking for something specific?” she asked.

“An old tree of this essence,” he said, pointing at a nearby trunk.

Nestra approached it. The wood looked unremarkable, barely different from what she would find on Earth. The leaves had an interesting star pattern, maybe. As for the quality of the wood, that was so outside her area of expertise she knew basically nothing. Precious little was made out of wood in Threshold because large-scale logging was impractical. She would trust Argent Ephis on this one. Lying on the ground, she used a small claw to draw a circle on the ground. She then used standard glyphs to form a nature-based search pattern.

“You know how to do advanced shaman magic…” Argent whispered.

“Yes. My mask kin have studied their way after finding a knowledge repository in one of our cities’ dungeons.”

“I didn’t know it was possible. But then, why don’t you use it in battle?”

Nestra huffed.

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“I am using it in this form. For the other forms I am a warrior, not a mage. It takes time to master a variety of spells and to add them to your fighting style. I was… very late to awaken, also.”

He accepted her explanation with another bob. Nestra pointed at a nearby leaf.

“Give me that.”

Argent complied, though she could tell he didn’t like being ordered. At all. She had to remind herself that the lizards were hierarchical. She would have to be very careful to avoid unnecessary conflict.

Once she was done with the spell, she sent nature mana through it. A pulse radiated out, stronger than what Argent had managed since her spell was far more stable. The search array returned the largest similar tree in the distance. It was about three hundred meters away, portal side. Slightly behind the aperture.

“Over there.”

“Ah. My sister is already a shaman. I am proud.”

“Maybe it’s better if your tribespeople don’t see the kind of magic I perform. They might wonder who taught me.”

“Oh, yes, you are correct.”

The tree was easy to find once she knew where it was: it was a gnarled and ancient titan, its boughs heavy with ripening fruits. Clan marking claiming them peppered its bark. As far as Nestra understood, they were not in agreement on who should get the fruits.

“Now what?” she asked.

“Now the shaman would help you pull a spear. It should be seven arms and three fingers tall.”

The lizards used an Imperial system? Riel dammit.

“Just show me how tall it should be.”

“It must also fit your hand.”

“I know how to make something fit my hand. All of my hands. Hands are very important to humans.”

Argent Ephis looked excited like she was sharing great wisdom or something. A part of Nestra’s mind took a step back so she could acknowledge how weird this all was. She was part of a spying mission to map a world using a base assault as distraction, but also she had found her brother who was speedrunning her through lizard coming of age with her ultimate goal being freeing prisoners while avoiding too much collateral damage. Why was she even doing all of this? She could just find an empty hut, move in, use her Aszhii skill to go through the bridge portal, hide, activate the machine, return the same way and then walk away as one happy lizard. What was she even looking for here? The Greater Good? For whom?

“Are you ready?” Argent Ephis asked.

Without replying, Nestra cast another spell. This one was much simpler. It was called shape wood and it was a basic staple of nature mana users, a foundational spell they later used in combat to move vegetation around. She couldn’t quite cast it in her sleep but it was rather easy. Reaching into the trunk, she moulded the spear according to her specifications. The old tree had a lot to work with. She just didn’t feel like savaging it for one spear so she was taking her time. Her fingers closed on a handle, then the rest of the spear was shaped tapering to a point. Once she was sure she had it correctly — which took a good five minutes — she took it out.

The result was an unremarkable light brown wooden javelin, its only merits being that it was perfectly straight and regular. Also, as a mana material, it would channel it better.

“Slow, but good. Very good,” Argent Ephis said with approval. “Now we must carve it with the bare minimum. You cannot be seen with a naked spear.”

“What do I need?”

Argent’s tongue flickered. Nestra found that she could not read his emotions, which made her suddenly uncomfortable. Argent quietly kneeled, then he drew a series of patterns on the ground. They were flat but Nestra understood from the way they were presented that she was supposed to have them wrap around the shaft.

“This goes two thirds of the way up, right before the enchantments. This is the Bleak Spear symbol. Then this is the first hunt symbol. What was the first creature you hunted alone?”

“After awakening?” she asked.

“You… killed a monster before your awakening?” he asked, very surprised.

“Yes. With human weapons.”

It took a minimum of magic before 10mm rounds stopped being a problem. A pretty high amount of magic if she had to be honest. Dokkaebi rarely stood a chance.

“The first you hunted properly, without your contraptions. Just your spear.”

“Sword.”

“Sword then.”

Nestra searched her memories, which wasn’t very hard since the first Aszhii hunt was literally less than a year ago. She remembered her first kill.

“It was a soldier ant. They look like… bipedal insects with claw arms.”

She drew a decent representation of it.

“It looks fearsome,” Argent said with some pride. “Then add it to the spear. Once this is carved, you will have the spear of a novice. The rest we can carve over the next few days. It is acceptable.”

Nestra had no objection. She fell into that obsessive trance lizardmen had when they focused on precise work. By the time she was done with the two simple designs, barely more than a handspan, night was falling and her eyes burnt.

Argent Ephis was sitting on the side, happily doing nothing like a complete psychopath. He hissed a chuckle.

“You are so much like a young one in many ways.”

“Now can we cross the portal?” Nestra asked.

“Yes,” Argent conceded. “Yes, we can. The guards will ask me why, however.”

“What’s immediately on the other side?” Nestra asked.

“There is a town, a mirror of this one.”

“Do they sell local fruits?”

Argent Ephis blinked.

“Why?”

“Because Death Bloom asked you to get fruit. You could go there to obtain the fruit she prefers, if they have it.”

The memory hit Argent like the shoe of an angry girlfriend.

“Oh yes, she did ask. There is a market where one can barter.”

“There it is. We are crossing to get good fruits for your heavily pregnant… wife?”

He waved his hand. That meant no.

“We are not joined in matrimony. Her clan opposes it.”

Nestra frowned.

“How bad a thing is it in lizard society?”

“How bad a thing is it for the humans?” he retorted.

Nestra shrugged.

“You will be cut off. At worst.”

“Not banished from your tribe?”

He was now clearly interested in human customs.

“It is not against our laws not to listen to our parents on who to pick as a mate. It is also forbidden for the tribe to assign mates.”

“Fascinating.”

“As much as I enjoy the conversation, Argent, I think we should be on the way.”

He agreed, but not before hissing with annoyance.

“You humans. So driven. Never take your time. Always run, build, hunt, kill, eat, take, burn. You never stop.”

They moved. Nestra wasn’t impressed with Argent’s jab and she let him know.

“We’ve had a rough fifty years, Argent. Mission first, discussion later. I am sure you do the same, no?”

“Ah, you are completing a task. I understand. I also apologize for calling you a human, and then insulting them.”

“No harm done. I also criticize humans all the time. Humans criticize humans all the time. We are being distracted. You were going to tell me how bad it was that her clan opposed your union.”

“It is normally bad. The clans may decide to kill the partners. Our clans are not at war so it is not so terrible. Also, Death Bloom does as she pleases. She is a great huntress. She killed a human, last year. Blb…”

Argent finished his sentence with a noise of embarrassment. Nestra decided to ignore that. The two species remained at war.

“I see. Good, I suppose.”

Well, except for Death Bloom who had been rendered virtually sterile. Just like Nestra’s mom.

She chased that thought away before it could take root and ruin her day. The rest of the walk was quiet. Back in the camp, cooking pots had started to heat and the fragrance of food made Nestra salivate. It tasted of stews and smoky things with hints of spices her human memory couldn’t quite pin. Argent Ephis hastened his steps.

In front of the portal, a lizardwoman stood. Nestra could tell she was important because her spear was black and white and absolutely gorged with power. It wasn’t just the enchantments either, which were near the top and shining like magma, but also the rest of it. It was as if the weapon had been coated so long and so much that power had suffused it over the years, turning it into the closest thing to an artifact that she had ever seen. The lizardwoman herself was white with black patterns, an opposite of Argent, and she was scarred. Nestra had met many scarred gleams. Most of them were old and extremely dangerous.

This was the A-class. This time, she didn’t wait to imitate the bowing guards. As was common with Shinran and Ragnarok, there was no mana to be felt unless the A-class wanted you to feel it, so Nestra only realized she was gone when Argent started moving. He didn’t speak of the Elder so Nestra didn’t ask.

The guard near the gate hailed Argent, asking him if his clan was preparing to leave rather than really conducting a check. He also hissed in hilarity when Argent shared the reason for crossing.

“Many young scales take more time learning to listen to their mates. Is this your sister?”

“... yes.”

“She must be the one who gave you the idea to get Death Bloom’s preferred fruits.”

“... yes.”

“You were wise to listen, Argent Ephis. Hurry now. Many families are making ready to eat on the other side.”

They crossed. Once again, Nestra inhaled the strange energies emanating from the massive portal with pleasure, then they were through into the bright light of midday. It was hot here, and wet. Lush green and blue vegetation spread over white stones and in the distance, the relaxing sounds of the surf announced the presence of a sea. The scent of cooking was strong here too. She blinked to accustom herself to the bright light, a slightly redder tinge than she was used to. The settlement wasn’t very big, and it was made of the same kind of circular huts favored bridge-side, but white this time. The streets were not bustling as it looked like they were in the middle of lunch. Nestra gauged that there were around three to four hundred dwellings clustered over the valley spreading before her. This made the lizardmen’s bridge portal settlement the size of a single Threshold city block.

Stone age civilizations just didn’t have the logistics or technology to support larger population centers.

Argent Ephis urged her on while she just kept looking. He whispered in her ear while they walked alongside the main thoroughfare which was littered with dry bits of food.

“This was deception. It makes me uncomfortable.”

Huh? What was he on about?

“You only told the truth,” she softly retorted.

“Which makes it subtle deception. Even those who pretend to detect truth would have found nothing amiss. You humans with your words and your stories… I apologize. I am doing it again.”

“Also you shouldn’t do it where people can hear us,” Nestra chastised.

Properly disciplined, Argent Ephis walked through what felt like a main road since it was quite wide. It was also littered with broken potteries and bits of sun-dried food wastes: shells, skins, bones and the likes. The dusty ground had been beaten by thousands of people over years. Thankfully it didn’t stink as much as Nestra feared. It looked like mammals had reptiles beat in that department. The two of them moved towards a place that was halfway between a dwelling and a stall. An old-looking lizardman rose from a mat where he was sitting with his family to serve them. There was a moment of tension between him and Argent but eventually, the merchant relinquished. Nestra had a feeling they were not equals.

“How may I serve you, warrior?”

“We want Giant’s Eye fruits.”

Argent picked something from his side bag. It was a core, a small one but still. The merchant’s eyes widened. He hurried and gave Argent two crates of fruits with great ceremony. Nestra pointed out that at least one of the fruits was visibly rotten, and the sheepish merchant replaced it. Argent Ephis bobbed his head to acknowledge Nestra’s efforts when they left.

“I should bring you with me more often,” he admitted.

“A core for two crates of fruits? How much are they usually worth?” Nestra asked, pretty shocked since that would place each fruit at a few hundred creds. At least!

Argent Ephis clearly didn’t get her. A few questions led Nestra to a peculiar conclusion.

The lizardmen hadn’t invented money yet.

And they hadn’t invented money because they already had a convenient barter token in the form of cores, though they were obviously an imperfect tool. And also because you kind of needed to have developed city states, at least, before it started making sense. If she remembered properly. It was interesting how many things she was taking for granted.

“Now what?” Argent asked her while they were still moving.

Nestra looked around. A distant part of the city didn’t look inhabited from the lack of smoke.

“What’s there?” she asked.

“This used to be an expanded dwelling for tribes who came to fight… your kind in the previous attack, about fifteen years ago. They have been abandoned now that many tribes have given up, preferring to return to their lands.”

“They are empty?”

“They should be.”

Nestra moved in that direction. The scents of food vanished to be replaced by that of old garbage. The beating sun made her sleepy. She wanted to lay down in the shadows to take a nap and cool down until temperatures returned to a reasonable level. And drink. She was getting thirsty.

“Can we get water after that?” she asked.

“Back in my hut, yes.”

As the pair moved, Nestra turned left towards a larger stone hut with a cracked dome. A burst of uncontrolled mana warned her that she had company before two raiders emerged from hiding spots. They were low C-class though the way their auras flickered made it hard to judge. She noticed that their scales were cracked and dirty. They were also too thin, hungry mouths half open. The gazes they gave Nestra and her crate of fruit made her want to reach for a pepper spray. Sadly, she didn’t have one. But she had better.

Argent Ephis stepped forward. After a second of hesitation, the two would-be robbers lowered their heads. He backhanded the both of them, one after the other, drawing blood both times.

They left. The entire confrontation had lasted all of seven seconds and not a single word had been uttered. In a way, it made Nestra jealous because it was efficient but… where was the shit talking? Where were the interesting new threats? The absolute lack of brawl decorum made her a little sad, even as Mlemra.

It was mercifully cold inside the empty hut. Nestra made sure she couldn’t feel anything strange, then she changed back into her true form.

Colors returned to the world, as did mana. She was now so tall she had to bow or risk scraping her horns. It felt amazing getting out after a few days, like stretching a sore limb. She had little time, however, so she rushed to the center where the ceiling had collapsed and quickly cleared a spot for the probe. The setup was fast. She ended up with a black metal base and something that looked hilariously like a rocket. A detachable remote with basic controls allowed her to start the launch sequence. All of those components were compact, heavy, ugly, and built like they were supposed to stand a nuclear blast. The countdown brought a sense of excitement.

Argent Ephis, also in his true form, came to stand by her side. Nestra allowed him to see the ancient display. A part of her was having fun: here were two aliens from the same species but vastly different culture watching the most advanced piece of technology ever to have graced this planet.

3… 2… 1…

With a loud thump, the rocket was launched up from the smoking base. The remote blinked, showing the probe’s altitude from the launch point. It started at 60 meters then climbed like, well, like a rocket. 200 meters. 300 meters. 400. A basic display of the land around them was formed while lines of data on anything from air composition to density rolled down. The display showed a shore, then that shore turned into a peninsula.

“That… that’s the land all around us,” Argent whispered in Aszhii.

As the seconds turned into minutes, the peninsula became a country-sized mass and eventually, a continent with an ocean and then far in the distance, a white mass that had to be a pole.

“By the ancestors… is that the White-Without-End?”

Nestra didn’t know. With great care, Argent Ephis touched the display which didn’t react to his short claws. Large letters soon replaced the map.

“I need to bring this back to the Bridge World,” Nestra replied.

“That is… this map. How can it be so detailed? And why is the sky curved?”

Oh that one was going to take a while.

“I can explain later. For now, we should return before your paramour decides to turn you into new furniture.”

Argent nodded, then put his Mask on. It was weird like… he was there and then he wasn’t. There was basically no transition.

“You are wise beyond your years,” he admitted.

Nestra followed him back to the portal, carrying the crates in silence with her spear attached to her back with a strap. The guards let them through without comment, except for those on the bridge side who chuckled a bit, which they could only afford to do because Argent was just a powerful C-class. Argent’s hut ended up being part of a small cluster of dwellings showing a sigil that resembled a spear. A B-class warrior guarded its entrance. Her eyes widened when she spotted Nestra, and for good reasons. There was a vague resemblance between the three of them right to the light and dark scale patterns.

“Do not ask,” Argent Ephis warned her.

“Your father is certainly a man of abundance.”

Argent gently hissed at her, though it was still short of being disrespectful and caused her to chuckle. She still took one of their fruits as levy, maybe? Then they were inside the hut. It was comfy and clean, with a well of water and a cooking corner leading up to a covered hole in the ceiling that let the smoke escape. Death Bloom was humming and stirring a meaty stew, her knees on a comfortable beast skin. Her eyes widened when she spotted the two newcomers.

“Giant’s Eyes fruits? My favorite! Argent, how did you find this prize?”

The big lug cast Nestra a helpless glance. That was all you, big guy, she wanted to say.

“We crossed over to the real world.”

“That is very considerate of you! I am very pleased that you would bring me this gift, sire of my spawn.”

She grabbed the crate. The fruits were round and green with interesting lines that could look like serpentine pupils under a certain light. She cracked one open, revealing ruby-colored flesh. A sweet, fresh scent contested that of the stew in their hut.

“This one is almost too ripe. And there are two crates. Did you sacrifice a core? You did! Why?” she asked, busying herself placing most of the fruits in a cold recess hidden under a trapdoor.

Argent leaned towards Nestra. He whispered barely low enough for her to pick up.

“What do I say? What do I say?”

“That you did it for her,” she hissed back.

“I only want the best for you, Death Bloom,” Argent declared.

“And your kid,” Nestra hissed.

“And our growing family.”

The huntress looked up, giving Argent a look Nestra couldn’t decipher, but when she sashayed up to him, even Nestra’s oblivious ass knew what was going to follow. She stole a bowl of stew, gulped down water, and then made herself scarce. The B-class huntress guarding the compound directed her to an empty hut with amusement. Once there, Nestra took out the remote from her pocket dimension, as well as her communicator. The two blocky things interfaced without prompt. The upload began a moment later.

It took maybe two minutes before it was completed. Nestra half expected a ‘good job’ notification since she’d finished her objective a week in advance and without distraction, but the answer was laconic, if immediate.

Writing with lizard claws turned into a slow and frustrating exercise. She still managed it.

A part of her realized she hadn’t even spared them a glance during her trip back. They were being fed at the time, even though it wasn’t much. The memory of their stench made her snout twitch. The reply followed quickly.

Nestra sighed with relief. And then she wondered why. Why was she not extracting? What did she really want to happen? Wait, a better one… which part of her wanted what?

Because human Nestra used to not give a shit about the lizardmen roasting under a fluffy carpet of napalm. Now Mlemra saw them, especially Argent, as kin she didn’t want to suffer and die. Even the thought of the children of other tribes dying left a gnawing cold in her heart. It would be wrong to do so, even as collateral damage. Except, was this really the lizard talking or human Nestra’s empathy and bonding seeping through the dimensional cracks? So far, human Nestra and true Nestra’s goals had always aligned with the only differences being in executions… or priorities maybe. Both of them wanted a den and safety. Both of them wanted to get stronger. Both of them loved food and battle, had always loved food and battle. Both of them wanted to love and be loved by humans and Aszhii. Both of them thought Sashimi was an opportunistic floating handbag whose secondary worth was emergency ration and main worth was Helena’s emotional support… void thing. Human Nestra was more calculating, better at focusing and seeing the big pictures. Aszhii Nestra was less fatalistic and depressive, more aggressive, too confident, too focused on the hunt. Until now, both forms had aligned and one of the things they’d aligned on was that hostile lizardmen ought to die for what they’d done to Earth and, later, to Camp Riel — with the caveat that friendly lizardmen tribes ought to be given a chance.

Now Mlemra had thrown a half-made spear into the gears. She had done the unthinkable in times of war: she’d turned enemies into people in Nestra’s mind. In order for war to be waged, foes couldn’t be people. Otherwise Nestra couldn’t just kill them without thought. Unless something happened, Argent Ephis and his baby mama might get pureed by Shinran. And the young ones too. Either of the two old A-class monsters would see a room full of lizardmen young and congratulate themselves on a nice target concentration. Nestra wasn’t ok with that anymore even though she had been before. It was maddening. She had to do something. There had to be a way to complete the mission, rescue the human captives, and avoid a bloodbath that would inflame the hatred between both species.

Here she was, getting distracted again. Which part of her wanted what?

She just didn’t know anymore.