CHAPTER 117: STUDY TIME II

**OLIVER WEST**

The anxiety I felt wasn’t entirely because I was worried about failing the exam, but what if we end up in different colleges?

His family was very wealthy, I was certain they would aim higher for him, probably more than what Mom could afford for me.

Is it even normal that I’m more worried about our relationship than our final exams?

I didn’t try to explain this fear. Instead, I forced a smile across my lips.

"Have you decided on an institution yet?" The words left my mouth and I stopped breathing. I stared at him like a criminal waiting to be sentenced.

His gaze bore into mine for what felt like an eternity, but in reality could have been no more than a few seconds.

"I haven’t decided which one yet, but it has to be somewhere far away from here," he murmured with a casual shrug.

Silence fell between us, and dismay crushed me. Even though I’d expected he would never go to a nearby university, hearing him say it shattered my heart into a million pieces.

The corners of my eyes stung as I swallowed back tears. I inhaled sharply and crossed my arms.

Don’t be such a crybaby, Oliver.

Even as I told myself this, it didn’t ease the heaviness in my heart. I already felt like he was breaking up with me - he didn’t need to spell it out any more clearly.

I faced the math book, not willing for him to see my expression.

But he hasn’t entirely decided yet, a small part of me that wasn’t ready to lose all hope thought.

"What about you? Have you decided yet? Your c-college?"

Was that hesitation I heard in his voice?

I toyed with my fingers and tried to speak in a casual tone. "Um... me neither. I still haven’t decided."

I almost laughed at my response. Only people who had choices got to decide, but not someone like me. My fate was already sealed in this little town. It wasn’t something I’d discovered today - I’d known it for a long time. But it had never disturbed me before because I’d had nothing to lose.

And now... I felt like I’d already lost everything, even though he was standing right in front of me.

I stifled a breath when he cupped my face in his palms, his touch gentle and warm.

He was about to say something, but I beat him to it, my nervousness at its peak.

"Is it because of them? Your parents, I mean - are they the reason you want to go far away?" I fumbled out the words.

The palms on my face went still, and I swallowed tightly. He didn’t say anything, but his silence was answer enough. He still felt resentment toward them.

A loud sigh escaped my mouth as I covered the palms on my cheeks with my fingers.

"Kieran, can’t you let it go now? Your mother - I think she’s really suffering. Even your dad is already..." I trailed off, realizing what I was about to let slip from my mouth.

I heard his quick intake of breath as he abruptly removed his hands from mine and took a step away from me. The action stabbed my heart with hurt.

I could almost feel the bitterness radiating off him in waves. Maybe I was becoming selfish, I was asking him to forgive his parents just so he could stay.

With me.

"Kieran, I—"

"You know nothing about them! So save your sympathy. Did you meet my Mom and she played the victim, all pitiful to you?" He gritted through clenched teeth, grasping my shoulders hard.

I squirmed where I sat. I didn’t think his mother was playing victim. She was really regretting, it would take only a glance to know.

Perhaps Kieran intentionally didn’t want to see her pain and suffering.He was acting like they don’t exist and honestly, I couldn’t blame him, but still...

"How are you so sure she’s pretending? What happened years ago hurt all of us, scarred all of us, but you can’t continue to carry this burden with you. You’ll never be truly happy. If you can forgive me, why can’t you let go of this deep pain as well?" I cupped his chin, trying to bring his attention to me, but once again he pulled away.

"I can’t! I just can’t!" The sound tore from his throat and his eyes were deep with warning... And something else.

We stared at each other silently for some seconds with my heartbeat too fast for me to be comfortable. Kieran broke the silence again.

"With you it’s different. You were never to blame - I was just carried away by anger, hatred, and bitterness. I resented you because I saved you while I couldn’t save Ginny, but then I realized that was more reason why I should cherish you." His voice broke slightly. "With them, it’s different. They never cared. They just fucking never cared, so why should I?"

He breathed out agitatedly, but I could also feel the pain radiating from him. It was dense and thick, clouding the atmosphere between us.

This time, I couldn’t stop a tear from escaping my stinging eyes. How would I ever be able to help him? He was scarred too deep. Now I was afraid he might never heal.

"I’m really sorry, Kieran," I whispered.

Short of words to comfort him, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. I could hear the wild thumping of his heart as he fought to regain his breath. It took a few seconds before his arms curled around my shoulders.

He exhaled raggedly, burying his face in the crook of my neck, engulfing me with his warmth.

"I don’t want to talk about them, not now, okay?" he murmured, rocking my back gently with his palms.

I nodded against his chest, making no move to pull away.

They say that time heals everything. I just hoped that it would soothe away all of Kieran’s wounds and scars forever.