CHAPTER 67: CAPTAIN CUDDLES AND TEDDY K

Chapter Sixty Seven

**OLIVER WEST**

I’d tried to distract myself with homework, with my phone, with anything that would stop me from hearing Mom’s muffled sobs coming from downstairs after dinner.

But I could still hear them, because despite trying to distract myself, I was listening too hard and each quiet sob made my chest tighten.

This was my mom, a woman who’d always been strong and unconquerable in my eyes.

I gripped my pillow tighter, wanting to go downstairs but just as I thought about it, the crying stopped, and I could hear the sound of approaching footsteps.

A soft knock sounded on my door about a minute later. "Oliver, are you still awake?"

"Come in," I called, quickly wiping my own eyes, and gathered my books in front of me instead.

It was already bad enough that she had been crying; if she found me depressed as well, she might get even sadder, which I didn’t want.

Mom peeked her head in first, her face blotchy and swollen. This was honestly the first time I was seeing her looking this weak, or maybe I’d not been paying more attention to her as I should.

She looked older today than she had in the past three years, as though carrying the burden of raising our family single-handedly had finally caught up with her.

I’d already made the decision this afternoon. I will reduce her burden of taking care of me, so I’ll get a part-time job.

I knew if I told her, she would never agree and would only tell me to focus more on studies, which was why I didn’t plan on letting her know.

Even if it was just the weekends that I worked, I hoped it would still count as something.

Mom walked inside my room and sat on the edge of my bed, smoothing down her pants.

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you holding up?" She pulled the blanket from my waist to my shoulders, tucking me in as though I were a kid.

She was barely holding herself together, she should care more about herself than a grown-up son like me.

I didn’t point this out, instead, I tried to force a smile.

"Well, I’m not planning to run away and join the circus, so I’d say pretty good."

A small laugh escaped her, but it sounded hollow and she kept wringing her hands, her eyes darting around the room like she couldn’t quite focus on anything.

"I’m sorry you and Pumpkin had to see that today. That’s not... that’s not how I wanted things to go."

"You were protecting me, you were superb back there, Mom, like always, your hands are faster than The Flash himself," I said, smiling and Holy Mary, Mom’s face heated up with a hint of red.

Was she embarrassed?

Should I congratulate or scorn myself for unlocking this new achievement?

"I just wanted to make sure his words didn’t get to you. You are great the way you are, and I’ve never once regretted your life choices, except when you are being totally unserious. And the times when you’re meant to be reading but you end up staying late to watch some movie which usually ends with you failing a subject or more..."

"Geez, Mom, are you comforting me or scolding me?" I grumbled under my breath.

"You know Oliver, I really just want you to have a good and stable future, but I’m already proud of you as you are right now,"

This time, her words made me smile, even though I knew I hadn’t done anything to deserve her pride in me.

"I should go check on Pumpkin. I’m going to sleep in her room tonight - I’m afraid she might have nightmares."

I gazed at her with my best puppy-eyed look

"You know, there’s no age limit for nightmares. Room for one more, please?"

For the first time since this morning, Mom’s smile looked real instead of forced. "Nice try. You’re old enough to know there are no monsters under the bed,"

Was I old enough to know this? Why wasn’t I aware?

After she left, the silence pressed down on me like a weight. Then, my gaze landed on the giant teddy bear Kieran had bought me, sitting in the corner with its crooked bow tie.

I walked over and picked it up, comforted by how solid it felt in my arms.

The soft fur eased some of the tension in my shoulders as I pressed it against my face briefly.

"Alright, big guy," I said, settling back on my bed. "From now on, I’ll call you K. And I’m Captain Cuddles. I’ll hold you while we sleep, okay? Don’t be scared. I promise to hug you till the nightmares go away.

I held the teddy tighter and, without really thinking about it, I started reciting the old song:

"Strong arms around me, safe and tight, My guardian stays with me all night. . . "

My lips froze on the next lyrics.

The memory crashed over me like ice water - Me shedding off my clothes, and clinging to Kieran, drunk and singing that stupid song at the top of my lungs while he lay beside me on the bed.

"NOOOOOOO!" I screamed into the teddy bear’s fur, my face burning so hot I thought I might spontaneously combust.

The shame hit me in waves. Not only had I sung our childhood song, but I’d made him my stuffed toy, hugging him without letting go.

And Kieran had just... left me to do as I pleased.

Let me make a complete fool of myself.

I buried my face deeper into the stuffed animal.

How was I ever going to face him again?

But why do I hear his part of our silly childhood poem in my head? Had he actually sung back to me or not?

If you twitch or try to flee,

I’ll pin you down beneath the sheets.

So hush, Sir Cuddles, don’t you whine. . .

You’re mine to guard, and I’m all spine.