CHAPTER 88: I DO NOT WANT YOUR SLIME KEBAB!

Chestelle and Finn now stood over the still-sleeping Lickthorn. She was curled tightly in the nest, clinging to fragments of half-dissolved slime like a stuffed animal from hell.

Every slight movement came with a disgusting wet bloob sound, like someone fist-fighting Jell-O in slow motion.

Finn glanced at Chestelle, who stared down at Lickthorn with an unsettling amount of joy.

"...Why are you smiling?" Finn asked.

"She looks cozy."

Finn turned back to the nightmare cuddle pile. "Lickthorn."

Nothing.

"I already tried calling her," Chestelle said. "She didn’t move."

"Is everyone in this world a deep sleeper?" Finn muttered. "Seriously, what is wrong with you people?"

"I can stomp on her again," Chestelle offered brightly.

"What?! No! Why would you even—why did you do that in the first place?"

"To wake her up, duh. It’s foot therapy. But I think she might be in a coma."

Finn blinked. "That is not what foot therapy is. What kind of things were you taught as a kid?!"

He looked back at Lickthorn, watching the slime glisten as she gently twitched. The bloobing sound somehow made everything worse.

"Lickthorn!"

Still nothing.

With a sigh, Finn cautiously stepped into the weird nest. The moss squelched beneath his feet.

Lickthorn shifted slightly, but didn’t wake.

Finn leaned down and gently tapped her shoulder.

Instantly, Lickthorn gasped like someone had just unplugged her from a dream. Finn recoiled with a startled jolt.

She blinked up at them—Chestelle peering over cheerfully, Finn crouched in the nest like he was about to perform a ritual.

And then came that smile.

That familiar, dangerous, perverted smile.

"I see," Lickthorn purred, voice groggy and sultry. "You were trying to take advantage of me while I slept. And you even brought Chestelle to watch. You naughty, naughty boy..."

Finn’s expression dropped into flat horror. "Absolutely not."

She stretched with a groan, back arching and legs parting suggestively. "Don’t be shy~ There’s room in the cuddle nest for two... or three~"

Finn nearly tripped scrambling out of the nest. "No I’m good!"

Lickthorn reached out dramatically. "Wait! Where are you going?!"

"To get ready. And to stay a safe, slime-free distance from you, you insane mentally gone woman!"

And with that, Finn took off—putting as much distance between himself and the mentally deranged slime goblin woman as much as possible. Lickthorn could prep on her own. He wasn’t risking round two of unsolicited slime spooning.

When he returned back to the rock, Majestria was busy inspecting her torn dress again, brushing at invisible particles like her life depended on it.

Finn sighed. "Do you do anything besides obsess over your dress or your body?"

Majestria didn’t even glance at him, now turning her attention to her fingernails. "I am a literal Goddess. I must ensure I look flawless at all times."

Finn squinted. "You sure you’re not just trying to impress someone?"

"No," she replied flatly. "Why would I waste time trying to appeal to anything beneath me? I take care of myself because hygiene and appearance are everything."

"But... you don’t have to constantly stress over it. You look fine."

"Oh?" Her eyes lifted slightly as she switched to her other hand. "Says the man who’s been wearing the same sweaty outfit for three days and smells like boiled sweat sock water."

Finn winced.

’I was about to say she still looks good even after all this chaos... But okay. Asshole.’

"What do you expect me to do?" Finn argued. "We’re camping in the woods. There’s no shower—no soap—no seven-step skincare routine!"

Majestria finally finished inspecting her nails and looked at him with divine disappointment. "Have you even bothered to look for one?"

"Well... no, but that’s because we’ve been busy not dying! And I don’t have the money for luxury spa visits!"

"It’s not about luxury," she said matter-of-factly. "It’s about effort. If you actually cared, you’d find a way. Time is made, not found."

That hit Finn like an accidental motivational quote.

"...Damn. Alright, Majestria. I’ll try to shower. When I get the chance."

She gave him the faintest approving smile. "Good. Then maybe you won’t smell like a walking dungeon room. You’re lucky I’ve been magically suppressing your stench. If not for me, people would’ve either passed out or tried to exorcise you."

She turned and walked off toward the girls, her beautiful hair glistening in the sunlight.

Finn stared at her, stunned. "Wait—what?! You’ve been doing what?!"

Majestria didn’t respond. She simply raised her hand like royalty, dismissing his concern without a word.

"...That explains a lot, actually."

***

Majestria and Finn approached Chestelle and Lickthorn—only to freeze in immediate horror.

The girls were casually... eating slime fragments.

Disgusting.

Chestelle had lined her long fingernails with bits of slime like some deranged, off-brand kebab skewer. She chewed away with a smile, slime goo trailing down her chin.

Finn squinted, jaw hanging open. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"It’s good!" Lickthorn said cheerfully, popping another slime chunk in her mouth like it was popcorn. "Surprisingly nutritious if you’re willing to open your mind."

"Mhm!" Chestelle chimed in with her mouth full. "It’s like gummy worms, but way more intimate."

Finn recoiled. "Intimate? What the hell does that even mean?!"

Majestria looked genuinely conflicted—torn between smiting them on the spot or floating to a safe distance and then smiting them from above. Preferably with divine lightning.

"But... didn’t Lickthorn sleep on that stuff?" Finn asked, eyes wide in disbelief.

Chestelle beamed. "Yep! You can really taste her bodily flavors in it too."

Finn gagged. He wanted to be disgusted—but part of his brain whispered, If it were literally anyone else but Lickthorn...

"Besides, we were hungry," Lickthorn added, licking her fingers clean.

’Oh... right,’ Finn realized. We haven’t eaten anything since Moistvile. Not unless you count Chestelle chewing random leaves at the Midwife’s place like a feral goat... He grimaced. And I never fed them at the guild either. Damn, I really am a terrible provider.

Just then, Finn’s stomach betrayed him—growling loud enough to startle a nearby fly out of the air.

The girls all turned to look at him.

And Finn froze.

Oh no.

He could already see it in their eyes—the unspoken slime offer.

No. No, no, no.

NO!