CHAPTER 94: PUNCH FIRST, GRIEVE NEVER

Finn slammed the rock into the slime’s shoulder—and to his utter surprise, it worked.

Like, really worked.

With a wet SCHLOP, the monster’s entire right arm was knocked clean off, splattering across the ground like jello tossed out of a moving carriage.

Slime sprayed everywhere in the blast radius—directly onto Majestria.

Her entire body froze. Shoulders tensed. Eyes wide.

A glob of goo slid down her face, another across her chest and torso, soaking her once-pristine divine dress in something that looked like rejected jackelodeon fluid.

"Hh—hhhk—G-GROSS!!!" she gasped.

The disarmed slime monster stumbled forward, staring at its own severed limb, then slowly turned its head to look at Finn.

Finn, frozen behind it, gave a weak smile.

’...Not good.’

He began awkwardly sidestepping toward the rock again, reaching for it like it was his last scrap of hope.

But the slime wasn’t having it. It raised its remaining arm to strike.

Finn flinched. Covered his face.

And then—

"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS!"

The voice thundered through the chamber like a judgment from the heavens.

Finn peeked out from behind his arms.

Majestria stood there, trembling, goo-dripping, and livid.

A radiant golden flame burst to life on her fist. It burned with the fury of a divine sun having the worst day of its immortal life.

She charged.

Then—with a scream of divine wrath—unleashed a searing uppercut right into the slime monster’s chest.

BOOM.

A perfect, donut-shaped hole tore straight through its body. Slime splattered out like overfilled pastry cream. The monster sagged, wheezing through non-existent lungs.

And Majestria wasn’t done.

She launched herself at the monster, straddling its gelatinous hips, fists flying. A divine whirlwind of fists and fury.

She screamed with every punch. The kind of scream that made men fear gods and gods fear... women covered in goo.

Finn could only watch in awe as she tore into the creature like a starved beast at a jelly buffet. Slime splattered across the walls. Across the floors. Across Lickthorn, who was still crying on the ground for entirely different reasons.

Majestria kept going until there was nothing left to beat. Then, just for good measure, she punched its twitching leg one more time.

Silence.

The only thing left of the slime monster was its lower half. Just legs. No torso. No head. Just legs, sitting there like someone rage-quit halfway through sculpting it.

Finn stared, slack-jawed.

Majestria got to her feet, panting. She kicked the remaining leg one final time before turning away with a dramatic hair toss.

"No one dirties me and lives unharmed."

Finn blinked. Slowly stood. Looked at what remained.

Upper body? Obliterated. Soul? Never had one. Majestria? Absolutely terrifying.

And in that moment, Finn learned two very important things:

One: Majestria is absolutely a powerhouse when she’s pissed.

Two: Never piss her off.

He mentally chiseled that rule into his brain like it was ancient scripture.

Right next to: "Don’t goon in the morning" and "Avoid slime-based monsters at all costs."

Finn patted himself down, brushing off pebbles and grime—and, unfortunately, several stubborn slime fragments clinging to his clothes.

Yuck.

He grimaced, peeled one off his black pants with two fingers like it was radioactive, and flicked it away.

Then, with solemn dignity, he adjusted his cool white wizard hat.

He was ready.

...Or, well, physically maybe. Mentally? Absolutely not. Because now that the adrenaline was draining from his system and the slime monster was dead...

The realization hit him.

Chestelle.

His eyes darted toward the far side of the cave—toward the wall where the living mimic girl had been thrown like a chew toy.

’Oh god...’

There she was. Still lying motionless.

Unmoving. Unblinking. Folded like laundry.

Finn staggered toward her in horror.

It was bad. Like, real bad. Like "you need therapy just from looking at it" bad.

He stopped beside her, staring at what was surely her corpse. His throat tightened.

"She was so young," he whispered, voice trembling. "She’d only just gotten legs. Only just seen the sky again..."

His lip quivered. "And now she’s just... gone. Flattened. In a cursed underground slime cavern. Like a bootleg anime figurine."

He sniffled, wiping his face.

"We should bury her. Somewhere beautiful. Like... not here."

Suddenly, Majestria stepped up beside him.

Spotless. Clean. Radiating smugness.

Not a single drop of slime on her.

"...How the hell did you—"

KICK.

She casually punted Chestelle’s limp body with her foot.

It jiggled.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Finn shrieked, recoiling as her perfectly pedicured foot violated the sanctity of a corpse.

"She’s not dead, jackass," Majestria said flatly.

She leaned down and stared at Chestelle.

"She’s playing dead."

"What are you even—"

Chestelle’s eyes blinked open. Slowly, she sat up, leaning against the wall like nothing happened.

She looked up at Majestria with a pout. "Why’d you kick me...? Me and Finn were having a bonding moment..."

Finn stared in silence.

His soul left his body.

Then his stomach followed.

He doubled over and projectile vomited onto the ground.

Majestria wrinkled her nose and took a delicate step back. "Ugh. Disgusting."

Finn wiped his mouth, coughing and wheezing.

"...How is she alive?"

Majestria rolled her eyes. "She’s a Vaultari. Their bones and bodies are way stronger than yours. She just played dead."

"B-But—she was mangled!"

"She mangled herself. For drama."

Chestelle grinned, still sitting cross-legged like an innocent possum. "It was funny! And really sweet how you cried for me, Finn~"

Finn just stood there, utterly defeated. Reality crumbling around him.

"...What the fuck."

***

Finn sat on a nearby rock, staring at the ground in silence.

Chestelle scooted beside him like nothing happened. "Do I get points for emotional manipulation?"

Finn didn’t respond. His mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. All that came out was a dry croak.

Lickthorn approached, still sniffling and covered in slime and white liquid. "The slime ignored me... and then splattered all over me... I think?"

Majestria crossed her arms. "Can we please move on before the floor starts talking?"

Majestria crossed her arms. "Can we please move on before any more slime monsters come out again?"

Then the slime puddle, gurgled again.

Literally.

Finn’s eye twitched. "Funk this world."