CHAPTER 62: LE AN KNEW... THAT THEO LIKED HIM.

I... can’t possibly forget those days. T-that chilly feeling, what you’ve done, said to me, it still haunts me. To maintain this," Le An, with his trembling finger, pointed at himself and Theo, as if he meant ’us’.

"I need time and a little... dist-distance. Saying that you’re doing it all for my sake... does nothing but suffocate me. Do you understand? And as you keep changing..."

Don’t make me feel guilty because I can’t forgive you.

Le An drew a deep breath, as if he had spoken until the very last drop of air in his lungs, closing his eyes, and freed his mind for a moment from Theo’s frozen figure stuck in his vision. Darkness and silence.

He dropped his hand from his chest. A murmur slipped from his lips. "Please, Theo, understand me..."

"..."

At last, Le An opened his eyes and looked at him. The deep sorrow in Theo’s gaze shook him weakly to the core, and swallowing hard, Le An barely managed a smile at him.

That smile broke something else inside Theo, for the first time, Le An’s smile looked merciless to him.

He couldn’t say anything. He only shook his head; when he heard that Le An was disgusted by his pheromones, it was as if his bond to the world had been severed. Perhaps the most precious thing, the bond he shared with Le An and no one else, the thing Le An had once cherished, had been wasted by his own mistake.

This time, Le An hadn’t forgiven him.

Theo’s face twisted as he lowered his head. How, how could he not forgive? Even while punishing him with unforgiveness, how could Le An still smile, how could he think of turning to someone else’s pheromones?

"For this practice... I assume you will choose one of the household staff, dear Treasure," Tracker said after clearing his throat.

Le An turned to him, sniffed, and nodded. "Yes."

"Do you have someone in mind?"

Theo’s eyes fixed on Le An’s lips, clinging to the possibility that maybe, even at the last moment, he might change his mind. The oppressive pheromone of his filled the room, faint but heavy.

In that moment, Le An decided on his answer. "I thought of Gildas. He’s the only dominant alpha other than Theo."

Tracker nodded. "If your decision is certain... I will report it to the GAC."

Le An nodded. "My decision is certain. You may report it."

Tracker hesitated, glancing between the two of them, and bowed his head as if to remain invisible.

Meanwhile, Theo and Le An looked at each other one last time. Or rather, Le An looked at him again, Theo hadn’t taken his eyes off him all along.

Le An looked at him with pain and anger in his eyes, while Theo, unable to endure where things had come to, parted and closed his lips several times.

Nothing he could say would be enough.

He approached him again, looking down at Le An’s eyes gazing up at him, then, Theo cursed the day he had become Le An’s private guard.

If only, the first day Le An smiled at him like that, he had confessed that he liked him at that time... at least now he could have held him in his arms. He would not have let any of this happen. Or... Le An would have been too connected to him to push him away.

Theo’s eyes landed on Le An’s nape. If he had marked him, Le An wouldn’t even be able to resist him like this, he would have surrendered himself to his arms, to his pheromones. If only...

Theo swallowed hard. Was it already too late? If he confess...

Le An caught every expression, every meaning in those eyes. So he smiled again, as a sharp pain pierced his heart. "Theo..." His name escaped from his mouth.

Without waiting for him to say anything, even as if knowing he couldn’t say anything, Le An looked at him. He placed his hand on Theo’s and leaned his head on his shoulder, smiling.

In that moment, Theo felt like Le An was reading his mind, and his hair stood on end. "Le An, I..."

Le An tilted his head up and looked at him again. "No, I know," he said to Theo, to his very soul.

He knew... what? What did he mean? Theo gasped for air for a millisecond, his heart clenching. "What?"

"I know, but... It’s too late now. Theo, not... after what happened. But just know that once, I did too. I also did. O-okay?"

Le An slowly took his hand away from his. He rubbed his head against Theo’s tense shoulder, like it was the last time, and completely backed away.

The moment Theo understood what Le An meant, his whole body froze. "Y-you too?"

"Hm." Le An nodded as his eyes instantly filled with tears. "B-but not, hic, not... like that anymore, hic..."

"I’m sorry." As soon as he began to cry, Le An turned away and left the room.

The air was first filled with deathly silence, then with Theo’s telekinetic power and pheromones, burning the space as if he wanted to scorch it.

Tracker grimaced at the itching sensation Theo’s pheromones caused in his body, then stood to follow Le An.

As he passed, he patted Theo’s shoulder like a comrade. Did this esper really think Treasure didn’t notice the state he was in?

"Looks like... you’ve made a mess of things, Mr. Theo," Tracker said as he headed toward the door.

"But perhaps now you have a solid reason to fix it, hm?"

Left alone in the room, Theo stood rooted in place. Objects, curtains, and windows shook from the tremor radiating from his body.

The truth was right there in the open now. For... how long? Theo’s chin trembled.

Le An knew... that Theo liked him.

---

Hours later, inside the shower stall, Le An closed his eyes as the scalding water trickled down his chin and bangs, recalling that moment.

He was still thinking of Theo. That first year... Le An had liked him, perhaps for an entire year. It was the year he had been discovered. The same year he met Theo, and his dazzling, kind look. His warmth.

But that was it. A secret admiration, curiosity, and love. Never reciprocated romantically because... it had never been said out loud.

There had been a time they liked each other at the same time, but...

Like a flower that had withered within, surviving only a single year without ever blooming, Le An’s feelings had long since faded.

Now that flower... was completely withering away, perhaps. Le An turned off the water and put on his bathrobe.

Then, he heard footsteps approaching the door.

Le An’s heart tightened with a completely different feeling at that instant. As if pulling a curtain over everything else, his attention, his mind, and his heart... were captured.

It was him. A chill ran through Le An’s spine. It was Taras.

He could recognize him now, even from his footsteps. With a helpless expression, Le An covered his mouth with his hand. A warmth, spreading from the center of his chest throughout his whole body added another flush to his face within seconds.

He leaned his head against the door. He knew now. Thump, thump. His heart was going crazy.

There was... a new flower in his heart, growing secretly, again.

Le An clasped his robe, as if to shield his heart, to shield that flower from any danger.

This time, the one standing outside would pull out this new flower by its roots the moment he learned of its existence, right?

Le An’s heart tightened yet again. Accepting what he’d been feeling for a while, he wanted to open the door right away and surge toward him.

But he just couldn’t. He knew it was... impossible.

Why, why had his heart chosen him?

"Come out. Now."

When Taras’s voice reached him, Le An squeezed his eyes shut. That voice... maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but it almost sounded tired.

Before Le An’s hand could even reach for the doorknob, Taras called out again from the other side.

"I can hear your heartbeat. I know you’re inside. Come on."

This time, his tone carried impatience. Pressing his hand against his chest once more, Le An took a deep breath.

When he slowly opened the door, Taras was already right in front of him, as if his presence was collapsing over him.

From beneath the towel draped over his head and the damp strands clinging to his forehead, Le An lifted his gaze, little by little, until it met Taras’s.

In Le An’s eyes now lingered a fear- that something might slip through, that the feelings he’ was trying so hard to hide might be exposed at any moment.

It was as if Taras were looking straight into his soul.

Lowering his head, Le An swallowed hard in the doorway. His heart was of no help in keeping this secret. All the same, he wished with all his heart that Taras wouldn’t notice he was... glad to see him.

"H-hi."