Hey, author here. Thought I’d have the voices in my head cast of Everybody Loves Large Chests join me in wishing everyone a happy new year, so I asked many of them to write a few words!

    Hello, delicious morsel. Would you like your new year to be tasty and/or shiny? If so, feel free to jump into my mouth. It’s a magical portal to a happy place, I promise.

    -Boxxy T. Morningwood

    I like to think the new year replaces the old one by whipping it until it passes out. I know it’s not like that, I just like to think about it.

    -Master’s Best Snack

    You go out there and you punch that new year in the face! Teach the motherfucker who’s boss from the get go!

    -Koralenteprix Khusuuszun Caonthioxxaa

    Tktktktkt… I hope your next year has exactly as many stabbings in it as you want it to have.

    -Drea

    If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep a close eye on me in the coming year.

    -Fizzy

    Happy new year everyone! Lots of happiness and success!

    -Plus

    Great, another shitty year of playing backup dancer to a fucking box.

    -Minus

    A singular year is meaningless in the ceaseless march of time.

    -Null

    A few words.

    -Jen

    Good fortune to all, and to all a good year.

    -Ambrosia

    What do you mean a new year? Is the old one, like, broken or something?

    -Lavender

    Happy new year, and stay safe out there!

    -Keira

    I wish everyone out there much love and happiness in the coming year.

    -Rowana

    Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!

    -Minic

    Snek. Sneksnek, snkekek. Snek.

    -Snek

    [Your advertisement here.]

    -Sandman Assassinations Inc.

    Feeling lonely on this New Year’s Eve? Come to Bitterhold, and you’ll never be lonely again!

    -The Slimetatorship of Stain

    Here’s hoping this year’s office party will be a bit more lively.

    -Carl

    NAGNAMOR WILL CRUSH YOUR PUNY CELEBRATIONS INTO DUST! NOT EVEN ASHES WILL REMAIN OF YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS!

    -OVERLORD NAGNAMOR OF THE FLAMING LEGION

    Like, have a great year, everyone! Remember to vote for me in the next popularity contest!

    -Ultra????Magical?Princess????Lulu?????

    This next year shall fall within predicted parameters.

    -Overlord Weaxohn the All-Knowing

    What do you mean ‘a few words?’ I haven’t even gotten a single line so far! Like, at all! … Ugh, fine! I hope you pathetic losers die while fellating a flamingo or something for all I fucking care! Also, Naggy-Pants is such a giant pussy he gives my own a run for its money!

    -Overlord Shridiaphrial the Queen Bitch

    Well, I know someone who’s not getting a raise next year. Well, it’s not like I pay them or anything, but still. Anyway, have a good one, folks, and may you have lots of surprises!

    -Larry, the God of Happenstance

    Happy new year, mortals! And remember - if you’re not having fun, you’re probably not doing it right.

    -Solus, God of Life and Light

    May all your hopes and dreams bear fruit in this coming year.

    -Nyrie, Goddess of Nature and Fertility

    This year, you will strive to be better than you were the year before. You owe it to yourself.

    -Axel, God of War and Combat

    Everything is possible if you put the effort in.

    -Goroth, God of Artisans and Artists

    I hope you get the chance to visit all those lovely places you couldn’t go to last year.

    -Zephyra, Goddess of Rain and Travel

    This next year will be one to remember, I’m sure of it!

    -Lunar, Goddess of Magic and Learning

    Don’t forget to pay your taxes.

    -Mortimer, God of Death and Commerce

    I hope those of you who are lost will find yourselves in the coming year.

    -Teresa, Goddess of Truth and Justice

    Uh… Grab the new year by the balls and… make lemonade from them? Was that how that saying went? Eh, close enough.

    -Robin

    I hope everyone has an orgasmically fantastic new year!

    -Hugs and kisses, Madeline

    Be excellent to one another, and good things will come.

    -Lydia

    This year as well, let’s each of us strive to do what’s right.

    -Sigmund Law, Hero of the Hammer

    Gux wishes to declare this the Year of the Worm. Gux is not sure why he wishes this, but he does.

    -Gux, Hero of Rain

    I wish all of you an orc-free year.

    -Hesk, former Hero of the Sword

    Be careful when visiting relatives for the holidays. Accidents happen, and all that.

    -Kaede, Hero of Death

    This year is gonna be a good one! I feel it in my bones!

    -Orrin, Hero of the Sun

    Here’s hoping we all learn something new this year. For me, it’ll be whether Sigmund rips my balls off when he finds out I got all three of his girls pregnant, haha!

    -Nao, Hero of Magic

    It’s actually a serious concern that keeps him up at night. So yeah, look before you leap, is all I’m saying.

    -Kuro

    This is bullshit.

    -Edward Allen, former Spymaster of the Lodrak Empire

    What he said.

    -Aleister, former Blight Lord of Velos

    Ditto.

    -Eren, Old God of Destruction