CHAPTER 132: ME OR OTHERS

Justin Pov:

My vision tunneled.

I wanted to jump up. To crush his skull against the wall until nothing but pulp was left.

But June was trembling harder, curling into me, burying her face in my chest as if she could disappear inside me.

And I realized: if I exploded now, if I turned into the monster they always said I was, it would only confirm her worst fears.

I’d be no different to her than the ones in white.

The man tapped his clipboard, voice light, like he was asking me to sign a fucking form. "Well? What will it be, Number Nine? Will you help your beloved... or let someone else try?"

I couldn’t speak.

My mouth tasted like ash.

June’s fingers clutched my shirt, knuckles white, nails biting into my chest.

"Fuck you," I rasped finally. My voice came out low, hoarse, broken. "Fuck all of you."

But my arms stayed around her.

They knew.

They fucking knew.

June was my weakness.

My ruin.

And they were going to use her until there was nothing left of either of us.

The man in the coat just smiled faintly, like he’d won something, and turned to leave.

"Think on it, Number Nine. We’ll be back for your answer."

The door slammed shut behind them.

Leaving me alone.

Holding the only person who could break me — and the only person I couldn’t let go.

**********

What the fuck was I supposed to do?

The weight of their words, like a thousand tons of bricks, pressed down on me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I was stuck in the worst kind of limbo.

The man in the white coat had been so calm. So clinical. He spoke to me like I was just another part of the experiment, like I was another variable to be tested. And I—fuck—I felt it. I could feel myself slipping, losing the grip on the sanity I had been fighting so hard to keep.

I had seen June in that corner, lost to herself. Her eyes vacant. Hollow. Just a shell. I had been holding her, trying to keep her anchored in whatever little part of the world hadn’t betrayed her. But in that moment, I felt myself tearing in half.

Would she be okay if I did do what they wanted? Would it bring her back if I did help them with their sick, twisted tests? Or would I be condemning her to the same nightmare she had just started to crawl out of?

I didn’t know. I didn’t know anymore.

But I did know one thing:

I wasn’t going to let anyone else touch her.

I could feel the edge of my self-control breaking. Their words echoed in my head. "You can refuse, but there are others who will volunteer." My chest tightened, and my teeth ground together so hard I thought I might snap them.

I knew the threat. I had seen their faces. Those men in white were used to breaking people. Breaking us. I could almost hear them now, laughing in my mind. The man in the coat had been smiling when he left. He thought he’d won, but he had no fucking idea what he was dealing with.

Would I give in? Would I do it for June? Would I do it to get her back? Or would I lose her, just like I had lost her the first time?

I gripped my fists so tightly my nails dug into the palms of my hands. I didn’t want to die. I couldn’t leave her here.

Not like this. Not to them. Not to those sick monsters.

But the thought of them taking her—of them forcing someone else to touch her, to use her like a fucking test subject...

My breath hitched. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought it might break through my ribs. I had to control it. I had to keep it in. I had to stay sane.

But I couldn’t help the voice in my head screaming: What if it’s the only way to get her back?

I looked at June.

Her eyes, once bright and full of defiance, were now lost in the void. She was still trembling against me, her body shaking like a leaf in a storm, but there was something else. Something colder. Something broken.

What the fuck happened to you, baby?

I tried to keep my voice steady, to keep her from feeling the panic swirling inside me. "June..." I whispered, brushing a hand through her tangled hair. "I’m not going to let them do this to you. You hear me?"

She didn’t respond.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to break every fucking thing in this goddamn room.

I wanted to tear apart the whole facility and burn it to the ground. Make them feel what I was feeling. Make them bleed for every goddamn thing they had done to her. To all of us.

I breathed in deeply, willing the anger to settle, to simmer down enough to think straight.

You can’t lose it, Justin. You can’t lose it now.

The problem was, I didn’t know what to do.

I couldn’t keep playing their game. But if I fought back too hard, if I didn’t give them what they wanted, I didn’t know if June would survive. I didn’t know if she would ever look at me the same way again.

Fuck. I wasn’t strong enough to fix this.

She wasn’t the girl she used to be. She wasn’t the one I knew. The one I fought for. That June—my June—was slipping away, and I couldn’t reach her. Not like this.

The clock was ticking. I could feel it in my gut. Every second felt like an hour. Every breath felt like the last one I’d take before I made the worst fucking choice of my life.

She sat there, trembling on my lap, the weight of her body a familiar comfort, but right now, it felt like the heaviest thing in the world. The way she shook against me—like I wasn’t the person she needed. Like I was just another threat, another reminder of what they had done to her.

Her body was so small against mine, so fragile. The way she shook, the way her eyes darted around, lost, confused. It gutted me. I needed her to come back to me. I needed her to know that I hadn’t abandoned her, that I would never leave her. But I was losing her all over again.

I knew I had to make a choice. Right then. Right there.

Would I let her go? Would I let her slip into this new kind of hell? Let them use her as they pleased, just to keep her alive?

Or would I destroy them? Risk everything, even if it meant I’d never see her again.

I wasn’t sure I could live with myself if I did choose the first. I wasn’t sure I could live with the idea of them breaking her even more. But I couldn’t just hand her over to them.

I couldn’t let anyone else—anyone—touch her.

I couldn’t keep playing their game. But if I fought back too hard, if I didn’t give them what they wanted, I didn’t know if June would survive. I didn’t know if she would ever look at me the same way again.

I knew the voices in my head were getting louder, darker. I knew I was losing the fight. But I couldn’t lose her. Not like this.

I closed my eyes and held her tighter, trying to block out the noise, the cold, the hopelessness creeping in. I could feel her shivering, her body pressed close to mine, and I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but I didn’t know if I believed it.

Her eyes were glassy, unfocused, and I knew, in that moment, that I wasn’t going to walk out of here the same way I walked in. She needed me, and no matter how much it fucked me up, I wasn’t going to let her go.

"June..." I whispered, brushing her hair back from her face. Her breath hitched slightly, and for a second, I thought she might respond, but then the trembling returned, worse than before.

I felt my heart breaking.

"I’m not going to let them hurt you anymore. I’m not going to let them make you do anything you don’t want to do."

I wished I could believe those words. I wished I could believe that if I made the right choice, everything would be okay.

But the reality was darker than that. The reality was that I didn’t know what to do.

I pressed my forehead against hers.

"I’ll find a way to get us out of here. I promise you, June. I’ll do whatever it takes."

But would she still be the woman I loved when I did?

I couldn’t let the voices win. I couldn’t let them control me. Not when June needed me. But I was getting closer to the edge, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on before I lost myself completely.

"Fuck," I muttered, voice cracking. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

June’s trembling fingers brushed against my chest, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt like she was still with me. Still there.

I had to hold it together. For her. For both of us.

And in that moment, I didn’t know if I was going to save her or destroy her.

But I knew one thing for sure:

I was going to let any other man touch her.