CHAPTER 79: REAL FEELINGS

The sickening lump that had formed in my throat made it harder for me to breathe, and I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes. I raised my hand to cover my mouth as I tried to blink away my tears. A few people gave me confused and funny looks as I quickly marched past them towards the exit of the mansion.

I didn’t know where I was going, but I felt very relieved when I made it out into the gardens. After navigating my way deeper into the garden to the side of the mansion where I was sure I was alone and away from prying eyes, I managed to breathe a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and concentrated on taking deep breaths while telling myself that this was no place and time for me to get emotional. I hated the fact that I could not bear to see Raphael together with Rosabella anymore because it just hurt too much.

The wind that blew through my hair felt harsh against the bare skin of my arms and made me shiver. Once again, I couldn’t help but think that Raphael was just marrying Rosabella out of necessity to please his father and for the benefit of his family business. I narrowed my eyes when I recalled what Rosabella had said about the nature of Raphael’s family business. Funny enough, at that moment, I did not care about the truth behind his family business. All I could think about was the possibility that perhaps Raphael wasn’t in love with Rosabella and that, to him, this was purely a duty he had to fulfill. Just thinking about that gave me hope and made me realize what I was secretly hoping for.

"It’s impossible," I mumbled to myself before I got even more caught up in a hopeless illusion that could never be. I bit down hard on my lower lip until I felt enough pain to remind myself that I should not have such shameless and irresponsible thoughts. I was very disappointed in myself for hoping against hope that Raphael did not have feelings for Rosabella and that he might care for me, even if it was in the slightest. Although I hated to admit it, I had fully realized that I didn’t want to lose Raphael to anyone. I let out a scoff at the ridiculousness of what I was thinking. I couldn’t believe that, despite knowing that what I wished for was twisted and wrong, I still dared to hope that Raphael would love me.

...

"Oh, you’re back. Are you feeling better? I was very worried when you suddenly ran off," my mother said, her brows drawing together in a frown.

I hoped that it didn’t look like I ran off, although I had to admit that I was walking pretty fast to make my escape.

“I’m fine now. I was just a little dizzy and, you know, I needed some fresh air outside. I’m completely fine now, so there’s nothing for you to worry about," I said while waving my hand dismissively.

"That’s great. We were waiting for you to take a family photo together. I’ll call Bennett, and can you meet us over there with Rosabella?" my mother suggested before quickly making her way to call Bennett. Just thinking about posing as his stepsister in our family photo to welcome the latest addition to our family made me feel even more conflicted inside.

I could feel Raphael staring at me, but I didn’t dare meet his eyes when I approached him and Rosabella. I tried my best to smile while concentrating on Rosabella. Thankfully, our parents joined us soon for the family photo. I tried my best to smile while hoping that my eyes didn’t look red. After snapping more than enough photos, we were free to mingle with the small group of guests invited to the engagement celebration. All I wanted was to get away, but I found myself performing the duty of a perfect daughter by standing by my mother’s side. That was until Rosabella came to find me with a beautiful smile on her lips and invited me to have a small talk with her.

"If it’s all right with you, can I borrow your daughter for a bit?" Rosabella asked my mother with a polite smile.

"Of course. I’m sure that you two girls have so much to chat about. Have a good time," my mother replied smoothly.

"I saw you head out earlier. Are you feeling all right?" Rosabella asked with concern.

"I was just feeling a little dizzy. I’m all better now. Congratulations on your engagement; I should have said this sooner," I said before plastering a smile on my lips. Rosabella looked even more stunning than ever on her engagement day, and I could tell that she was glowing with happiness.

"Thank you so much. I guess we’re finally sisters now," she said before winking at me.

"Absolutely," I replied, trying my best to sound friendly. I couldn’t stop my eyes from darting around the room in search of Raphael, but he was nowhere in sight.

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me out with planning our engagement," Rosabella said with a bright smile.

"Oh, no. Honestly, I felt like I did too little and wasn’t that helpful. I’m sorry," I said, expressing what I honestly felt. I didn’t think I offered Rosabella any kind of concrete help with her organization of the engagement event. If I did anything, it was reporting to her about Raphael’s whereabouts at work, to the extent that I could still remain professional. Of course, I didn’t think I should voice my thoughts regarding that matter out loud.

"That’s not true at all; you’ve been such a big help. So, I was thinking of inviting you to a very exclusive party," she said before winking at me.

"A party?" I asked blankly.

–To be continued...