CHAPTER 162: TROUBLED DESIRE

While traversing the wooden bridge of a garden lake at night, Ellie turned to Averie.

"Should we play a game?"

She wore an amused expression as she said it.

There was a certain naughtiness to it. She was having fun.

"What sort of game?" the actor asked, his gaze trapped in the reflection of the moon.

"A game of questions. I’ll ask you a question, and you must answer. Then, you’ll ask me a question, and I must answer."

Averie wasn’t sure if he should accept such a deal. Although he had forgotten it in recent months, he had many things to hide.

He could lie about it to many others, but it didn’t seem appropriate to lie to one of his closest friends.

Yet, he was curious about the questions she had in mind.

’If it’s something dirty, that would be entertaining.’

"Sure, ask me anything."

"Well," — She stopped and leaned against the handrail — "it could end up being unpleasant. Are you sure?"

"I like unpleasant things."

What was unpleasant to society, the diabolical actor always found pleasant.

"The first question then is: Why did you want to see me naked?"

"Aside from wanting to admire you?"

The girl smirked. "You saw it while we were filming. What role is it? That’s what I wanted to ask."

Averie breathed out a puff of hot air.

"It’s a lady. I am playing the role of a woman."

Ellie looked stunned.

"I wondered if that was it, but— It’s not a play, is it?"

"No, it’s a film."

"That is interesting, to say the least. I have so many questions about it; it’s simply mind-numbing."

Averie reached into his coat pocket and retrieved a handkerchief.

He handed it to the woman. "This got mixed into my clothing somehow last time."

"Oh, did it?"

She squeezed it after placing it in her coat pocket.

"Thank you for returning it."

"Well, that was your intention."

"Sorry?"

"You placed it there, so I would have to return it. Min-Ha saw it, but kept her mouth shut. You should be glad Hyerin didn’t notice. She would have cried about scandals while planning our marriage."

The girl burst out laughing.

"You two are hilarious. But don’t say such things if you start dating. Women don’t like it when you talk about other women when you’re alone with them."

"I know all that." He sighed. "How many chicks do you think I have dated?"

She raised an eyebrow and inched closer. "How many?"

"Did you forget it’s a game? You must answer my question first."

He cleared his throat.

"Why did you place your handkerchief in my clothes?"

She stared at the moon while her friend stared at its reflection.

"Because I wanted to see you again."

There was no coyness to her statement. She was as truthful and honest as a person could be.

Averie liked that. He didn’t believe in all those useless emotions. What was so difficult about honesty?

And even though he liked the way she replied, there was a certain evasive attitude to it.

"Answer properly. You could’ve just called me if you wanted to see me again. Why go around like this?"

The lotus leaves floating on the lake carried droplets that shone like precious gems. It attracted her gaze.

How beautiful they were, yet so isolated.

"I wondered if you wouldn’t want to see me again."

"Why wouldn’t I?"

"I don’t know. It was just a thought. I couldn’t think of a reason why you would want to see me again."

Looking at her clear eyes, Averie had a thought.

’She seems troubled.’

"I thought I ruined a friendship in my..."

"Desperation?"

"Yes. It’s funny, isn’t it? There are so many aspiring actresses in the industry who would give away anything to be where I am today. But here I am, doubting myself."

Averie noticed a leaf that had a pair of droplets so delicately arranged that they could patronize it without mixing into a singular form.

"It’s fine," he said. "You didn’t ruin anything."

"I’m glad to hear that."

The tension relieved from her shoulders testified to that.

"Then, my question is: Have you been in a lot of relationships?"

It didn’t take the man a single second to come up with an answer.

"More physical ones than emotional ones." He perched on the railing, ignoring the cries of his buttocks. "I didn’t date too many women."

"Doesn’t that make you a playboy?"

"Maybe. I have never lied about anything while trying to bed a lady. And in most cases, they would find me than I would find them."

She whistled at him. "So popular even before you became famous? If I am ever reborn, I would like to be a man like you."

Averie scoffed. "There is no one ’like me.’ You’ll literally need to be me."

After a bit of back and forth, Ellie passed the baton.

"Ask away."

The debaucherous actor contemplated a little.

"Why did you feel the need to sleep with me?"

She looked at him, her eyes a sea of glimmering stars.

"Is it odd? Odd for an actress? Odd for me?"

"No." He shook his head. "It’s only natural to desire me, especially since we worked together."

"It’s always funny when you say something like this."

"Am I wrong?"

"No. It’s funny because you are absolutely right." She warmed her hands with a puff of her breath. "If you were to ask me which man I wanted to sleep with, since the first time we acted together, it’s always been you."

"Well, thank you."

Indeed, he preferred honesty to the shy nonsense.

’If you want it, ask for it.’

It was this sort of thought that had made him into who he was.

"But you know," he said to her, his amber eyes a fiery shade of grace, "that’s not the answer I am looking for."

He watched as the lady rubbed her hands for warmth. No matter how much she did it, it never felt enough.

"You never acted on your impulses until now, so why such a sudden change in attitude?"

"I wanted to let it all go. For once, I wanted to be free, like you."

"And why is that?"

The girl did not answer. Or rather, she could not answer.

She had no proper explanation for why she did what she did.

Averie sighed.

He knew it was complicated. He had seen it that night—the tension in her body, the desperation in her movements, the relief in her rested eyes.

"Ask then," he said.

Ellie pretended to think up a question, but the one that mattered was already on her lips.

"Did you ever love someone?"

Memories of his past life came flooding back. But in all that chaos, there was something he had forgotten.

"If I have forgotten about it, then I believe it never happened."

"Really? Not once did you want to marry someone? Spend the rest of your life with them?"

"Never. I have lived my life being aware of my abilities and limitations. And although I have sought to break past a limitation, I did not feel the need to break the limitations placed on my psychotic mind."

"Answer normally like a human being, would you?"

"I believe I cannot be tied down, and I don’t want to give the notion even a try. I like being a free spirit. It resonates with me."

Ellie stared at him. He had given it surprisingly more thought than she had expected.

"You can ask now."

"What is bothering you?"

Her head naturally lowered. "People, popularity, so much lust, gazes, shame, and a lot of things."

"Have you done something to be ashamed of?"

"I was naked on the TV, Averie. What’s there to be not ashamed of?"

"No." He wagged his finger in her face. "You were fantastically naked on the TV. You were a brilliant Sarah, and no one is prouder of you than I."

In that moment, as she admired him, she felt a sense of warmth.

She took a step closer.

He was warm like a flame, and in the cold night, she naturally wished to engulf herself in it, even though it may not be the most gentle of flames.

"Thank you, but I want to take on good roles, and I want to be known for them; I don’t want to be known for my cleavage, my moans, and my bare skin."

’Is that how they see you?’ the actor wondered.

"I don’t believe that is how everyone sees you. In the end, we are our characters. Perhaps, they don’t crave you. Perhaps, they crave Sarah."

His gaze turned to the nearest lotus bud. It was pinkish and mostly white, but would it remain that way? Or would bloom bring new colors?

"In that sense, hasn’t your wish already been granted? They know you for your role, not for your body."

He stared deep into her eyes, gauging her level of understanding.

"You have made Sarah eternal. Why not just accept all that comes with it? If they consider you someone to lust after, why not let them? Is it so wrong to be wanted?"

Reflected in her eyes was a promiscuous man whispering devilish chants.

"You can either be the object of their desires. Or you can be the object of their obsession."

She had trouble looking away from those amber eyes that both appreciated yet did not care for her.

The man was more complex than she had previously thought.

"You know," she said. "I am glad you were the one I had those sex scenes with and no one else."

He covered his lips coyly. "My, be careful now; you’ll make me feel special."

"You are special, for me and millions of others."