CHAPTER 36: ROYAL DUTIES & EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

"So... you get the royal suite," Ayame deadpanned, arms crossed as she stood outside the ornate guest wing.

"I didn’t ask for it!" I hissed. "I got assigned!"

"Assigned?" Rin raised an eyebrow. "As in, ’Congratulations, please go share a royal mattress with the elf princess you allegedly came to marry?’ That kind of assignment?"

Mei elbowed her playfully. "Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Or maybe it’s just fate."

Akane, ever the composed one, simply stared at me and said, "Don’t snore."

They were all ushered to their individual rooms—each luxurious enough to make noblewomen cry—but none of them looked satisfied.

Especially not when Elira turned to me and said, "You’ll stay with me, of course."

"Of course?" I echoed weakly.

She leaned in close enough to smell like starlight and trouble. "We have to sell the story, don’t we... future consort?"

My system pinged as we walked away.

[SYSTEM WARNING: ENVIRONMENT INDUCED HEART RATE SPIKE.]

[SYSTEM SUGGESTION: You may want to sleep with one eye open.]

---

Later That Night...

"You think they’re doing it?" Mei whispered, crouched behind a ridiculously carved column with Ayame, Rin, and Akane beside her.

"Doing what?" Ayame snapped.

"You know." Mei waggled her eyebrows.

"No, and I don’t want to," Rin muttered.

"I do," Ayame and Akane said at the same time.

The four of them shuffled forward in synchronized stealth, creeping along the moonlit corridor until they reached the Princess’s door. It was guarded, naturally, by two bored-looking elven sentries.

Fortunately, Rin had already "accidentally" left a cake outside one of their rooms earlier, and both guards were mysteriously gone.

Ayame leaned against the door, pressing her ear to it.

Silence.

She waved the others closer.

Inside, I was standing stiffly near the edge of the bed while Elira nonchalantly brushed her long silver hair.

"This bed is massive," I said, eyes glued to the ceiling.

"It’s made for royalty," she replied with a smirk. "You can take the left half. Or the floor. But if you snore, I’m kicking you into next week."

My system buzzed again.

[SYSTEM NOTE: Room temperature... rising.]

---

Outside, Ayame whispered, "I can’t hear anything!"

"Maybe they’re just staring at each other," Mei whispered.

"Or he’s passed out," Rin said. "You know how he gets."

Akane crossed her arms. "If she touches him, I swear—"

The door creaked open slightly.

All four girls collapsed on top of each other in a panic pile, scrambling to hide behind a statue of some elven war god whose face looked equally confused.

Elira poked her head out. "Next time, just knock. Or better yet—go to sleep."

She shut the door again.

Inside, I stared at her. "Were they really out there?"

"Oh, absolutely." She grinned. "You’re popular."

I sighed and flopped onto the bed.

"I’m gonna die here. In silk sheets."

She laughed. "Then at least die like royalty."

---

By morning, the act was in full swing.

And by act, I mean the Elira Is Madly In Love With Me traveling performance—starring me as the reluctant, flustered co-star and her as the dangerously convincing lead.

Everywhere we went, she held my hand.

Correction: she clung to it like it was forged from divine moonlight.

At breakfast?

She fed me grapes. Grapes. One. At. A. Time.

When I tried to pick up my own spoon, she slapped my hand away like I was misbehaving royalty.

"Let me take care of you, love," she cooed, loud enough for the entire royal court to hear.

I choked on an olive.

[SYSTEM UPDATE: CRINGE LEVEL—UNSUSTAINABLE.]

[SUGGESTION: Initiate Emergency Cool Mode. STATUS: Unavailable.]

---

The others?

Yeah, they were not okay.

Mei dropped her fork for the third time watching Elira tuck my hair behind my ear.

Ayame drank her juice so violently she spilled on herself.

Rin glared at me like I’d committed high treason.

Akane... Akane smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. It was the smile of a woman mentally flipping a table.

And Elira? She was thriving.

I think she actually liked it. Not just the acting—no. Even the chaos.

She leaned in close while we strolled the palace gardens (arms linked, of course), and whispered, "Do you think they’re enjoying the show?"

"I think they’re considering murder."

She beamed. "Excellent."

---

By the time we sat down in the royal audience chamber, I was ready to fake a coma.

The King sat upon his golden throne, draped in ceremonial gold, staring us down with all the fatherly menace of a man who’d once personally executed twelve suitors for bad table manners.

"Your Majest—" I began.

He raised a hand. "Silence."

I shut up.

He stroked his beard, then looked between Elira and me with narrowed eyes.

"You are... affectionate," he said, suspicious.

"Yes, Father," Elira answered smoothly, squeezing my hand for show.

"Mm," he grunted. "You eat together. Walk together. Sleep together?"

I choked on my tongue. Elira just blinked innocently.

"...We share a room," I managed to croak. "That’s—technically sleeping together."

The King stood slowly, voice deep and solemn.

"I am a father. My daughter is the crown jewel of this empire. If you are to be her suitor... I must be certain you can satisfy her."

My soul left my body.

Elira blinked once. I think she actually stopped breathing.

The King continued, unbothered. "You eat together. Walk together. Now it is time you seal the bond. Physically."

I coughed violently. "Physi—what now?"

"To be plain," the King said, "I expect you two to get intimate. Before the next moonrise. I shall send the royal physician to confirm the deed."

The room spun. I looked at Elira. She looked delighted.

Of course she did.

[SYSTEM STATUS: DEAD INSIDE.]

[MISSION OBJECTIVE: LOSE VIRGINITY UNDER ROYAL DEADLINE.]

The King sat back, completely serious.

"I await good news."

Elira’s hand trembled against mine—but not from fear. From the sheer effort of not bursting into laughter.

"Thank you, Father," she said sweetly. "We’ll make sure... he passes inspection."

She gave me a sly look as we turned to leave.

Me?

I was praying the dungeon had a vacancy.

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