CHAPTER 316: CHAPTER 316: THINKING WITH SELF-BLAME

Song Chengguang slept deeply that night, but even in sleep, he maintained his protective stance over his little brother and sister. As dawn approached, he was awoken by the cries of Little Moon and Little Baby, who were hungry.

"Don’t cry, little brother and sister, brother will make you some milk," Song Chengguang said, rubbing his eyes with his small, chubby hands. He hurriedly slid down from the wooden bed and, wearing oversized slippers that were too big for him, pattered off to the kitchen.

It was still early, and Mrs. Song hadn’t yet gotten out of bed. She was tired from staying up all night due to Wang Qinghua’s childbirth and thus got up later than usual.

Song Chengguang entered the kitchen, his eyes catching sight of the powdered milk that Xu Xiuxiu often used for the boy and girl twins. The powdered milk was kept in a bamboo basket, hanging from a beam—a common practice in the countryside, meant to save space and keep the contents safe from cats and rats.

Hesitating for a moment, Song Chengguang first grabbed the baby bottles on the table, then brought over a small stool. Using a water dipper from the countryside, he scooped water from the large water vat in the yard and furiously filled the milk bottles. By the time the bottles were full, his shirt was soaked through. Normally fastidious about cleanliness, eager to change his clothes with the slightest bit of wetness or dirt, Song Chengguang now gave no thought to his usual habits. He held the milk bottles carefully and ran happily back into the kitchen, energized by the idea that his brother and sister’s cries would cease once they had their milk.

The real challenge now was figuring out how to get the bamboo basket down from the beam.

Song Chengguang furrowed his brow and thought for a moment before running to the hearth where firewood was stored. He grabbed a long firewood stick, then, standing on tiptoes, he started to jab at the basket hanging from the beam.

With a thump and a clatter, the basket wobbled and was knocked to the floor by Song Chengguang. The can of powdered milk and some dried pumpkin seeds scattered on the floor. Overjoyed, Song Chengguang embraced the canister; after struggling to open it, he began to scoop out the milk powder into the bottles. Although powder spilled all over him, he finally managed to get some inside the bottles. He screwed the lids on tight and shook them. Seeing that the color matched the milk Xiuxiu usually made for the twins, he joyfully went back inside.

"Little brother and sister, time for milk, take turns with each sip!" The twins, who had woken up crying just moments ago, calmed down after Song Chengguang’s reassurance. Now, as Song Chengguang entered the room with the milk, the siblings lay obediently, taking turns drinking the milk he prepared. After finishing the cold water-mixed milk, perhaps because their bellies were full, the three children huddled together and drifted back to sleep.

By the time Mrs. Song awoke, the day was already bright outside. She was concerned about the three children and went to check on them first, only to find Song Chengguang covered in milk stains, and the twins stained as well.

"My goodness! What happened here?" exclaimed Mrs. Song as she saw the children. After her surprise, she went up and awakened Song Chengguang, "Chengguang, tell Grandma, what happened to you? What’s all this on you?" Mrs. Song asked, reaching out to touch Song Chengguang, only to be startled by the dampness of his clothing. Instinctively, she touched his forehead, "Oh my, why is your forehead so hot?" she cried out in alarm.

"Grandma, Chengguang is sleepy," murmured Song Chengguang, half-awake.

"Good boy, Chengguang, don’t sleep now; you have a fever. Grandma will take you to see the doctor," Mrs. Song said anxiously as she scooped up Song Chengguang and then shouted to awaken Father Song, "Old man, get up quickly."

Mrs. Song’s shout suddenly woke Father Song. Having returned to Song Family Village just last night, Father Song was sleeping in a bit later than usual, but the moment he heard Mrs. Song’s cries, he immediately wrapped himself in a green garment and hurried out.

"What’s wrong!" Father Song, with a darkened face, asked as he approached.

"Chengguang has a high fever. I’m taking him to see Old Song. You get up and watch the twins. They’ve slept through the night and should be waking up soon. They’ll get anxious if they don’t see anyone."

"How did he get a fever? How are you looking after the children? Xu Xiuxiu manages them fine on her own, yet in just two days of you helping out, he’s sick. How am I supposed to speak well of you?" Father Song touched Song Chengguang’s burning forehead, helplessly scolding Mrs. Song. His daughter-in-law cared for the children so meticulously; who knows what she would think hearing the child was sick!

"The child is still so young, and you felt comfortable enough to go back and sleep? I don’t understand how your heart can be so big!" As Father Song murmured a few more words, he remembered seeing Mrs. Song sleeping in the house when he came back at night. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time. Used to being rather careless, he went to bed and fell asleep, never considering the welfare of the child.

"But the eldest daughter-in-law gave birth last night! I had Niuniu watch her brother and sister. After the eldest gave birth, I came back. Seeing that the children were sleeping soundly, and being extremely tired from the back-and-forth trips to the county hospital, it was nearly dawn before I had a chance to rest in the house. When I woke up, I came right away to check on the children, didn’t I? But I have no idea where Chengguang got himself all wet. His clothes are still damp!" Mrs. Song was also a little panicked, looking at Song Chengguang’s fever-flushed face. Her heart felt as if it was being clawed at, consumed by guilt.

"Alright, hurry and take Chengguang to see Old Song." Father Song frowned, reminding Mrs. Song.

"I’m on it. Little Baby and Little Moon are still inside! You keep an eye on them for now." With that, Mrs. Song turned and, flustered, carried Song Chengguang out the door.

Father Song watched Mrs. Song rush out, feeling weary himself, having only gotten home and dozed off for less than two hours at dawn. The mother-in-law had passed away, the eldest daughter-in-law had given birth, and now one of the children was unwell - everything seemed to be happening all at once.

Mrs. Song took Song Chengguang to the village’s barefoot doctor, came back with two packs of traditional medicine, swiftly changed Song Chengguang’s clothes, and promptly brewed the medicine to feed him. All that was left to do was to wait for the medicine to work and for the fever to subside.

Mrs. Song deduced the likely reason for Song Chengguang’s soaked clothes while decocting the medicine. After all, the chaotic state of the kitchen and the dirt on Chengguang’s body essentially aligned the pieces of the puzzle.

It was all her fault! Mrs. Song thought reproachfully, raising her hand to silently slap herself on the mouth.

...

Xu Xiuxiu found out about Wang Qinghua’s childbirth the afternoon of the next day. The previous night happened to be the seventh day since Mrs. Xu had passed away. While childbirth was always a joyous event, Mrs. Xu had only been deceased for seven days. As a sister-in-law, even though Xu Xiuxiu had the intention to visit Qinghua, she feared her visit wouldn’t be welcome, considering it might be seen as inauspicious. So, naturally, she suppressed the urge to pay a visit.