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    CATERINA

    I’m confused, and I’m sure Gianni can see that as I look between him and the doctor seeking an exnation. He can’t be thinking of the right patien. He’s an old man. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got his patients mixed up constantly.

    Then why does Gianni trust him if he can so easily get things mixed up?

    The puzzle pieces start to click into ce. The way Gianni res at him, like he’s envisioning murdering him a million different ways. I’ve seen that look before.

    Still, it doesn’t make sense…

    Fertility shot.

    I got pregnant while on the pill.

    Gianni didn’t seem surprised or shocked about the pregnancy.

    Slowly, I slide my hand out of his grip and fold my arms across my chest, looking at the screen instead of him.It’s not possible, is it?He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Not to me. Not when we were supposed to have turned over a new leaf together. We’re supposed to be honest with each other now. I’m supposed to be able to trust him.

    He wouldn’t go behind my back and try to get me pregnant on purpose, would he?

    The doctor seems unaware of Gianni’s shift in mood, too busy turning off the machine before wiping the gel from my stomach. “I’ll leave you alone so you can get dressed, and if you have any questions, I’m happy to answer them.”

    I mutter something–exactly what, I don’t know. I can’t hear myself think over the roaring emotions in my head. Here I was, ming myself. So sure that he would hate me for getting pregnant, like he’d think I was trying to trap him. When all this time, he was trying to trap me.

    I can’t move at first, even after the door closes, and we’re left alone again. I can’t bring myself to look at him, either. I stare at the ceiling with its white tiles, frozen in confusion and pain. Not physical pain, although it might as well be. It feels like a fist is tightening around my heart, squeezing the life out of it.

    The fact that Gianni hasn’t said anything, hasn’t denied any wrongdoing only confirms fears. I struggle to suck air into my lungs; each breathes heavier than the next. I was bubbling with excitement moments ago; now, all I feel is razor–hot pain. His gaze prates my skin right into the deep depths of my soul. He’s watching me, yet I refuse to look at him. I can’t.

    “I want you to tell me something,” My voice is a low whisper. “I want the truth. I don’t want an exnation. I don’t want a lie mixed with the truth. I want the fucking truth!” I release a breath and continue, “Did you tamper with my birth control so I would get pregnant?”

    Silenceb. /bIt drags on for what seems like an eternity. The longer he makes me wait, the worse it is. I don’t even need to hear him admit it, for his silence is the biggest answer. However, I want him to

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    say it Tears fill my eyes and spill over myshes while every second stretches like taffy, on and on.

    “Let me exin.”

    “I did not ask you for an exnation,” I whisper harshly. “I asked for the truth. Yes or no.”

    His defeated sigh says everything. “Yes.”

    “Get out of the room. I want to be alone.”

    “Caterina”

    “I do not want to be around you right now!! Respect me enough to give me a few moments alone since you couldn’t respect me enough to allow me to make a choice regarding my own body.i” /iI don’t care if it hurts him. In fact, I wouldn’t be upset if it did. Not after what he’s done.

    He hesitates, lingering like he’s waiting for me to change my mind. That’s not going to happen. It takes a slow count to ten, with me staring at the ceiling because I refuse to look at him right now, before he crosses the small room in a few steps and opens the door. He stays for a second longer, like he’s considering what to say, but when I turn my face toward the wall, he walks out.

    Immediately I cover my face with my hands and start to cry. He tricked me. Now, that word doesn’t begin to cover it.He lied. He manipted me.All so he could get what he wanted. It’s not like he didn’t tell me his ns to get me pregnant right away, but I didn’t believe he would go to these lengths. I couldn’t have made this up in my head if I tried.

    How could he?He’s supposed to love me. You don’t trick the person you love. You don’t tamper with their birth control to get what you want. That’s not love.

    But he got what he wanted. I’m pregnant with his child. What am I supposed to do now? That’s the worst question of all, the one that leaves me choking on my tears. I’m sure he’s out there, listening, and I don’t want him to hear. The idea of keeping a bit of my pride seems important. He’s already taken my choices from me, so I won’t let him take my pride away, too.

    What do I do?

    Lowering my hands, I sit up, then pull myself together. I have to think of the baby, first and foremost. What’s best for it? After that, what’s best for me? How do I live with this man, knowing what he’s willing to do to get what he wants? It didn’t matter to him that I had a life and goals of my

    own.

    Were they really goals?

    I shake my head at myself as I pull on my leggings. No, it’s true, I was only living the life I thought I had to live. Getting the degree, the job, all of it. Still, if I wanted to change things. That should have been my decision. I should have had a choice. I shake my head with frustration. He’s waiting for me out there, and soon enough, I will have to get in a car and go home with him. What happens, then? What’s my move?

    What’s best for the baby? Because, in the end, that’s what I have to focus on now.

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    On one hand, he’s not the man he used to be. That match, I believe. The Gianni I first fell in love with wasn’t the man capable of going behind my back, messing with my pills somehow, or even giving me a shot. When did it happen? I guess it doesn’t matter now.

    Yes, he’s changed since then, or he’s trying to, but that’s not an excuse for fucked up behavior. That’s not enough to get me to forgive him or even trust him again immediately.

    Do I still love him?That much I don’t need to think about. If anything, this wouldn’t hurt so much if Ididn’tlove him. I can’t imagine life without him. Even now.

    Which means I need to find a way to get through this and somehow find it in me to forgive him. That’s not going to happen today, however.

    In fact, nothing has to happen today. I need time. To think this over and figure out what to do next. How I’m supposed to live with this man–who I still love–and be able to look at myself in the mirror every day.

    First things first. Leaving this room and facing him.Mom, please, if you’re up there. Help me. Tell me what to do. I don’t expect an answer, obviously, but thinking of her is what gives me the strength to open the door and face the man waiting for me.

    At least he looks remorseful. Actually, he seems downright distraught, with his hair mussed like he’s been running his fingers through it, the pain hovering around his eyes, bracketing the corners of his mouth.

    Here I am, knowing he betrayed me, and my first impulse is tofort him.I must be out of my damn mind.The man tricked me into getting pregnant, and I want tofort him. It’s almost too twisted. I should want to scratch his eyes out, kick him in the balls, something that would make him regret even thinking about betraying me. But no, I want to smooth down his hair and cup the back of his neck while he rests his head against my shoulder. I want to tell him everything is going to be okay, when I don’t even know if that’s true.

    “Did you have any questions for the doctor?” he asks as I rush past him on the way to the front door. I notice Doctor Oscar is conveniently nowhere to be found. Did Gianni chew him out for letting their little secret slip? I can’t even bring myself to ask.

    “No,” I snap, and push my way through the ss door without bothering to hold it for Gianni, then walk straight to the car and climb inside before the driver has the chance to help me.

    I’m tired of waiting for people to help me. I’m tired of many things I’ve gone along with to keep from rocking the boat. All it took was knowing how much of my life has been outside my control to see things through different eyes. All this time, I’ve been grateful to be part of this world and part of Gianni’s life, but I didn’t realize this is my world, too. It’s my life, too.

    I need to start thinking about what’s best for me and the baby instead of acting like I’m so lucky to be worthy enough to ride in a car like this, or to go back to a mansion in a guardedpound. I’ve been looking at this all wrong for way too long.

    Gianni slides into the car a few momentster, his body stiff, his features tight. Things couldn’t be more different than they were on the way to the doctor’s office. Instead of sitting close to him,

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    we’re on opposite sides of the back seat by the time the car rolls away from the little building in the middle of nowhere. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a doctor who works for Gianni is willing to be hical.

    “Will you at least speak to me, please?”

    I’m almost stunned that he would ask me rather than demand I speak to him. It’s obvious he’s trying to do better, but better isn’t good enough if the secrets of your past are never revealed. Did he even n to tell me, or was he going to let me think it was an ident all along?I can’t let this change my mind, but I can at least notice it.

    “I have nothing to say to you right now.”

    “I only wanted-“I nce over at him and give him a re that causes him to snap his mouth shut. He doesn’t need to tell me. I know what he wanted. He wanted proof of what a virile man he is. He wants to see me pregnant–he’s practically counting down the days until I start to show.

    Either way, I’m not about to have this discussion in front of anyone else. Thankfully he takes the hint, and the rest of the ride passes in silence with me staring out the window the whole time bI /bgo through what my future could look like depending on the choice I make today. No more can I act impulsively, running away and hiding from him.

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