b125 /b

    We’re past that point of my having to find a way to handle the emotions and feelings I’m experiencing and learn to live with them.

    A sense of dread builds in me as we close in on the front gate. Justst night, we came back from dinner talking about the future. There I was, fantasizing about the beautiful Christmases we’ll have together. This morning is an entirely different reality, almost as if a bucket of ice water has now been dumped all over my dreams. How could I allow myself to forget that it’s not so simple being involved with Gianni Rossetti. There’s always a surprise waiting around the corner.

    Thistest surprise has me getting out of the car as soon as it stops in front of the house, heading straight inside, and walking up the stairs without so much as a backward nce. I’m not in any hurry–I’m not running, I’m not panicking, but I’m determined. He’s not going to change my mind or sweet talk me or even threaten me intopliance now.

    I’m his queen, the piece that stands beside him, his equal, and I’ll stand for nothing less than that treatment.

    “Please, Caterina. We need to talk about this.” At least he waits until we’re in the bedroom, alone, before he starts begging. “I can exin, and I will if you let me.”

    “I’m not interested in hearing your exnation, I already know what you’ll be saying.”

    “That’s not true.”

    My

    blood boils at his dismissal. “You told me you intended to get me pregnant as soon as possible. This isn’t advanced physics, Gianni. I know what you were doing and where you wereing from It’s as simple as one plus one.”

    When I go to the closet, grabbing a tote bag to throw a few things inside, he practically jumps on me. “You’re not leaving. I won’t let you. Not while you’re carrying my child, and there are still-”

    “You don’t need to tell me about the risks and dangers that are out there. I know all about the danger I’m putting myself in from my association with you.” He lets out a pained sound that both hurts and strengthens me as I throw clothes and toiletries into the bag.

    “Then what are you doing?”

    “I’m going to stay in another room away from you.” When he refuses to take a step back so I can leave the bathroom after packing my shampoo and such, I slide past him.

    “This isn’t like you, Caterina. At the very least, allow me to exin myself. We’vee so far, don’t let this break us.”

    “I don’t want to let you exin. Don’t you get that? You saw what you wanted and went behind my back to get it as soon as possible. You wanted a way to keep me here with you, right? You knew if I was pregnant, you would have me under your thumb. That I’d be trapped, forced to stay with you, without another alternative.”

    “It wasn’t as ugly as you’re making it sound. ”

    125

    “Yes, it was, but that doesn’t matter.” Besides, I don’t think bI’m /bexaggerating where his head was when he did this. “And until you understand that this is the ultimate betrayal, worse than anything you’ve ever done to me, there is no chance of us returning to where we were before. I can’t keep excusing your actions, because then you’ll never stop doing them. I’m not going to let you get away with this so easily. I can’t. I need to respect myself at least enough to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.”

    “That sounds a lot like a woman on the verge of walking out the door.”

    “You already said it yourself. I don’t have a choice except to stay. Even if I wanted to leave, I’d be risking everything. My life, the baby’s life. I have to think about my own safety.” A bitterugh slips out of me. “Congrattions. You managed to trap me the way you intended all along.”

    “Please don’t say it like that.”

    “Why? It’s the truth, isn’t it?” I growl. b“/bI’m sorry if it hurts you to hear it, although we both know it’s true. That’s what you wanted. You might not have known at the time how well it would work out, but I guess there’s always an upside, right?”

    “Caterina. I can’t lose you.”

    “I guess you should’ve thought about that. I’ve changed, or maybe you’ve changed me. Or maybe there’s only so far a person can be pushed before they start pushing back.” I zip up the bag and throw it over my shoulder, facing him from the opposite side of the bed. I don’t think I’ve ever se him look so distressed, except maybe when ites to Tatiana. If I didn’t know better, I would think he’s close to tears.

    Only men like Gianni Rossetti don’t cry. I know better than to expect that. They just find another way to manipte you, to make you think you’ve won when in reality you’ve gained nothing.

    “I love you. Do you hear me, Caterina? I love you.”

    “I know you do, but it’s going to take me a little time before I can trust you again. And until that happens, I’ll be staying in one of the spare rooms down the hall. Please respect my decision, Gianni.”

    I don’t bother waiting for a response which I know will only end up being more of the same. Thest thing I see before turning away and marching down the hall is Gianni, his pale skin, the frantic fear in his eyes, and his beautiful jaw tight with tension. I hate seeing him so upset, but I remind myself with each step how much he deserves this. Nobody has ever deserved this more than he does. He took what should’ve been a decision belonging to me and decided I didn’t get a say.

    For once, he’s going to understand the consequences of his impulse decisions.

    Even if it breaks my heart to teach him that lesson.

    126

    b126 /b