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    GIANNI

    “It’s time we talk about this, and you’re not going to shut me out anymore.“1 gesture for Tatiana to enter my office, which she does before 1 follow bet and close the door. I don’t know whether or not Caterina followed us. She’s perceptive enough to know this needs to be a one–on–one discussion

    “Oh wowe, now you want to talk to me about the baggy day? All of a sudden, it matters what I want?” She barks out augh, crossing the room and standing at the window with her back to me. “You care what I think now

    “bIt /bwas never about not caring what you think “I pause, and when she says nothing, I decide to take bmy /blife in bmy /bhands. “What do you think?”

    That earns me a filthy look thrown over her shoulder. If I didn’t know better, I’d think was in the middle of a fight with her mother. Somehow, she manages to project the same disdain. “You can’t be asking me that question right now. It’s a littlete either way.”

    “Did you think this was all a joke? Caterina and me being together? We’re having a baby: What dick you think was going to happen next?”

    “I don’t know what bI /bthought.” She looks downright defensive when she wraps her arms around herself, and the way her bchin /bjuts out tells me this isn’t going to be an easy, straight–line

    conversation

    “You bthought /bbthis /bwas some crazy, bmidlife /bcrisis thing, didn’t you?” When she looks at the floor, 1 know I’m bright/bb. /b“I hate to disappoint you, bbut /bbthis /bis the real deal. I know what I want. And I am so terribly bsorry /bbif /bbit /bbhurts /byou, sweetheart.”

    “That’s easy to say bwhen /byou’re not on the receiving end.”

    The amount of bitterness in her voice leaves me recoiling, “It’s the truth.”

    “Well, it does hurt.”

    “Then let’s talk about it, for God’s sake. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to have an honest conversation with you about this?” She scoffs, turn her gaze toward the window again. I’d throw something through the fucking window if I thought it would help. Anything to break through this wall she built between us. It wasn’t always this way, but it’s not like I’ve done anything to improve it, especially not in the past couple of months.

    I lean against the desk, shoving my hands into my pockets while I fight to find the right words. No matter what I say, it’ll be a mistake. There’s no way of getting through this without shedding blood, figuratively or otherwise. “Tatiana, it’s clear you’re suffering. No amount of pretending you’re fine will fix things. I don’t want to hurt you, but I won’t know what does or doesn’t hurt you if you don’t talk to me.”

    “This hurts me,” she whispers, hunching her shoulders. “We grew up together. We’re the same age, and now you want to marry her?”

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    “She’s having my baby, sweetheart.”

    “I know, but that’s one thing. I could live with that. These things happen, but deciding to get married? That’s so much more. And I have to say, I really wish you would havee to me and let me know what you were thinking about before all of this.”

    “To be fair, I didn’t n on asking her this soon. It sort of… happened.”

    Her head tips to the side before she turns slowly and hits me with a very knowing look. The sort of look that cuts through me and might as well be delivered with a de to y my skin. “Dad. Nothing just sort of happens with you. You n out every step. You deliberate over every choice. This isn’t the kind of decision you make on the fly. Especially not a man like you.”

    At first, all I can do is chuckle. “Sometimes I forget how perceptive you are. It’s been just the two of us for so long.”

    “Don’t do that. Don’t make it sound like we were the two musketeers or whatever. That’s not how it was, and you can’t rewrite history.”

    “I can ept that,” I murmur. She’s seemed like an unsolvable riddle for so long, but now I see she’s an onion. Eachyer I peel back reveals moreyers beneath, and thoseyers are marinated in grief, anger, resentment, and betrayal.

    “I’m not saying you weren’t a good father. You did your best, and I always felt safe with you. I felt like you wanted me around. Most of the time,” she’s quick to add while her lips tighten in disapproval. “When you weren’t consumed by work”

    “Which I was a lot of the time. I know.”

    “But at least you wanted me around, unlike my mother.” My heart aches when her voice trembles on the word. My poor, wounded child. I wish I could take the pain she feels away.

    “I want you around now, too.”

    “Are you sure about that?”

    “Loving Caterina doesn’t mean I love you any less. I don’t feel like I should have to say that out loud, but I will in case it helps.” How much have I failed her if she truly needs me to exin that? “I know you love me. But it’s just weird, Dad. I can’t pretend it isn’t. You used toin that we made too much noise when she slept over. And there was that one time when we were kids, and 1 had the pool party for my birthday. Do you remember that? She changed into a two–piece once she got here because she knew Charles wouldn’t let her wear it, and you gave her so much shit over it. Do you remember that?”

    I do, and I can see where her difort ising from. “She’s not that little girl anymore, and neither are you. You’re both grown women.”

    Her hip pops out to the side, telling me I walked into a trap with my eyes wide open. “So you would be okay if I started dating Charles? The two of you are pretty close in age.”

    “That’s a different story.”

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    “How so? Exin it to me. How is there any difference in me, a grown woman, deciding I want to be in a rtionship with a grown man? Why is it so different for you two? It sounds a lot like a double

    standard.”

    “Come here.” I have to pretend it doesn’t hurt when she shrugs away from me when I reach for her. Does she resent me that much? I force myself to push down the anger that instantly res to life when she tries to avoid me. “Tatiana. I just want to sit down with you.”

    She sits on the leather sofa against the wall opposite my desk, her arms still folded, her walls still intact. I perch carefully beside her, giving her space when I really want to gather her in my arms. It was so much easier to do that when she was little. So much easier to make everything right back then, so much simpler. Even her wildest tantrums and God knows she went through them–were easily calmedpared to the vast chasm of pain between us.

    It isn’t easy, going against my natural paternal instinct and pointing out how she’s clearly not taking care of herself. Her hoodie and yoga pants are more like sails swallowing her thin frame. Her golden curls are frizzy, lifeless, and pulled back in a scrunchy while thick chunks hang around her face and the back of her neck. She looks like she just rolled out of bed even though it’s early afternoon. She’s nothing like the girl she used to be even if she looks the same on the outside.

    “Honey. Look at me.” Tension appears in her jawline, but she slowly turns her head. My God, she’s haunted. I’ve seen photos of refugees fleeing war that nowe to mind when I find the pain in her eyes. There’s no light anymore, not the way there used to be. “Why won’t you let me in? Why won’t you let me help you? You have me at a loss. I’m not used to standing on the outside, hoping and wishing for a chance to make a difference. I normally barge in and do what I think is best.”

    “Yeah. I know.”

    “I can’t do that now. All I want is to help you, and I don’t know how. I need you to let me in. Tell me what you need. You know I would do anything in my power for you. But I’m iling around in the dark. Please, give me a clue. Let me help you through this.”

    At first, I’m sure my words have fallen on deaf ears. I watch as she chews her lip, her eyes darting over my face before finally looking away. My heart sinks with certainty that something has broken between us, something that can never be fixed. Not if she refuses to take the first step.

    Finally, though, she releases a long sigh. “It’s so sudden.”

    “The marriage?”

    “Yeah. I don’t want you to rush into this and get hurt.”

    “Do you know something about Caterina that I don? Because-”

    “No, no. I didn’t mean it that way. There’s a reason she’s my best friend and probably one of the only people I trust.”

    “I thought so.”

    “But she’s already run off on you a couple of times now, and I’m not saying she didn’t have a reason to. She had a really good reason to; you’re a bit unhinged at best. What happens if you guys

    3.4

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    fall apart again? What’s that going to do to you and her? This is a huge step, and I know you love her, I do. I know she loves you, too. But are you sure this is the right step? I mean, it’s almost like…”

    When her brow creases, I know I have to tread lightly. “Go on. You can say it. I’m listening. You don’t have to be afraid.”

    “Like you were waiting for Mom to die.”

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