CHAPTER 84: CHAPTER 84: THE NAPPING NINJAS.

My final words echoed in the tense silence of the dungeon lobby: ’And what is less disturbing than a team of adventurers who are fast asleep?’

A new kind of silence fell over the room. It wasn’t the tense silence of before; it was a deep, profound silence of pure bafflement. Gilda’s frown deepened. Pip looked like he was trying to solve a very complicated math problem in his head.

But it was FaeLina’s reaction that was the most telling.

She froze mid-flight, her mouth slightly open. For a single, fleeting moment, a look of pure, horrified awe spread across her face—the dawning realization that her sleepy, lazy boss was, in fact, a rule-bending genius.

And then she realized just how insane and risky the plan was.

Her jaw snapped shut, and her worried aura erupted into a furious, bright pink.

"Are you KIDDING ME?!" she shrieked, her voice echoing through the dungeon. "That’s your grand strategy?! To lose on purpose?! We’ll be a laughingstock! Our ’Sanctuary’ status will be a joke! They’ll probably reclassify you as a ’Public Nuisance’! Our business will be ruined!"

’We’re not going to lose,’ I projected calmly, a quiet confidence flowing through my core as my Bureaucratic Judo skill began to hum in my mind.

FaeLina stopped her panicked zipping. ’What are you talking about?! Of course we’re going to lose! We’re forfeiting! That’s the definition of losing!’

’FaeLina,’ I projected calmly. ’You’re looking at the wrong part of the rule. Everyone is focused on the ’fastest time’. But what about the other part? The ’fewest disturbances’ part? What if we just... focused on that one instead?’

"’But what about the score?!’ she shot back, her psychic voice a jumble of panic. ’We won’t even have one point! They’ll write ’Did Not Finish’ on our official record! That’s an automatic zero! We’ll be at the bottom of the leaderboard forever!’"

’Correct,’ I confirmed, my mental voice perfectly calm. ’We will fail the ’time’ objective completely. But FaeLina, think about the other teams. The Sylvanheart Maze will send their best elven scouts. The Obsidian Forge will send their quietest dwarven rangers. They will be very, very good. But are they perfect?’

I let the question hang in the air for a moment.

’Someone will inevitably make a mistake,’ I continued. ’A piece of armor will clank. A floorboard will creak. Someone will sneeze. They will all finish with at least one disturbance point. It’s practically guaranteed.’

I could feel her mind working, the frantic panic slowly being replaced by a dawning, horrified realization.

’And our team?’ I asked gently. ’What will their disturbance score be?’

She was silent for a long moment.

’...Zero,’ she finally whispered.

’Exactly,’ I confirmed, delivering the final, beautiful piece of logic. ’And in this competition, a perfect zero beats a one.’

FaeLina hovered in the air, her mouth opening and closing silently as she processed the twisted, beautiful logic of it all. "But... a zero disturbance score doesn’t matter if you don’t finish the race!" she finally stammered.

’Doesn’t it?’ I asked calmly. ’In a competition of ’Stealth and Subtlety,’ what’s more impressive to a panel of grumpy judges? A team that sneaks through and makes one tiny mistake, or a team that is so perfectly, absolutely undisturbed by the enemy dungeon that they fall into a deep, peaceful sleep?’

I let the question hang in the air for a moment before delivering the final, simple truth.

’I’m betting on the sleep.’

Hearing this, a slow, devious grin spread across FaeLina’s face. "Oh, you magnificent, lazy, rule-bending genius," she whispered with a newfound reverence. "You’re not trying to win the event. You’re trying to win the argument."

With the logic of the plan settled, we now faced the next great challenge: choosing the five unlucky members of our "stealth napping" team.

"Well, I’m out," Gilda grunted immediately, tapping her heavy steel plate armor. "I make noise just by breathing. And I am not taking my armor off."

"I... I don’t think I can do it either," Pip squeaked, his face pale. "A library full of Shush-Wraiths? I’ll be so scared my teeth will chatter! That’s a noise violation right there!"

It was clear we couldn’t send our human members. We needed a team that was naturally quiet and good at doing absolutely nothing.

The final roster was the most ridiculous stealth team ever assembled.

First, Zazu, our Champion Napper. He was the only one who could achieve the necessary level of deep, non-snoring slumber under pressure.

Second, Kaelen. Her assassin’s training had given her an almost supernatural ability to remain perfectly still and silent for hours on end. She would not be sleeping; she would be "meditating."

Third, Sir Crumplebuns. As a plush knight, he was naturally silent and very, very good at not moving.

Fourth, Sir Wobble-a-lot. His inclusion was a calculated risk. While he was prone to tipping over, I theorized that his constant, gentle swaying could be interpreted as a form of meditative, rhythmic stillness. FaeLina just thought I was insane.

And for our fifth and final member, a single Dust Bunny, whose ability to go unnoticed was legendary.

The next morning, the golden portal shimmered into existence. Through it, we saw the entrance to the Whispering Library. It was a grand, intimidating archway of grey stone. It didn’t just look silent; it felt like a void, a place that actively consumed noise.

Our strange, five-member team stood ready.

Zazu took a final, meditative sip of his own ’Nightcap’ tea, his eyes closed in calm preparation. Kaelen stood beside him, her breathing so slow and shallow she might have been mistaken for a statue. Sir Crumplebuns struck a heroic, but completely silent, pose, his Spoonblade held high. Beside him, Sir Wobble-a-lot tried to copy the pose, but just ended up swaying gently from side to side. And at their feet, the Dust Bunny was busy cleaning a single, imaginary speck of lint off Zazu’s boot.

"Alright, team," FaeLina whispered, her voice full of a strange, nervous pride. "You know the mission. Get in there... and go to sleep. Make us proud."

And with that, the weirdest stealth team in the history of the world—the Napping Ninjas, as FaeLina had dubbed them—stepped through the portal into the heart of the enemy’s dungeon.

_______

Author’s Note:

The Napping Ninjas are officially a go! A sleepy elf, a silent assassin, a teddy bear, a pillow, and a dust bunny. This is, without a doubt, the weirdest stealth team in the history of fantasy.

Mochi’s plan is simple: win a stealth mission by taking a nap. It’s a flawless strategy with absolutely no possible downsides, I’m sure.

The team has just stepped into the enemy dungeon. What awaits them in the silent halls of the Whispering Library? And how will the judges react to this new level of competitive laziness? Thanks for reading!