CHAPTER 88: CHAPTER 88: THE PET SPA.

The victory in the Whispering Library was, by far, our most ridiculous one yet. We had won a stealth mission by being so lazy that our opponents simply disqualified themselves around us. The team returned to the dungeon through the portal, not weary from battle, but looking like they had just woken up from a very satisfying, if slightly stressful, nap.

FaeLina was ecstatic. ’We’re in the quarter-finals, Mochi! The quarter-finals! Do you know how much prize money that is?! We can afford to gold-plate the teacups! We can hire a second, even fancier slime waiter!’

Her celebration was cut short by the final notification from the last match, the one that had sent her into a panic.

[The Group Stage has concluded!]

[The eight victorious dungeons from the group stages will now advance to the Quarter-Finals.]

[Your next challenge is a test of will and power: The ’Beast Taming’ Trial!]

The notification announcing the ’Beast Taming’ trial landed in the cheerful atmosphere of the lobby like a lead weight. The triumphant mood from our last victory instantly evaporated, replaced by a tense, worried silence.

"Beast Taming?" Gilda grunted, her hand instinctively going to the pommel of her axe. A slow, eager grin spread across her face. "So, a proper fight, then. Good. I was getting tired of all this sneaking around."

FaeLina zipped over to the chalkboard, her face a mask of pure, managerial stress. "Not exactly," she said, her voice low and serious. "The rules for this are...very specific."

She took a deep breath. "The eight quarter-finalist dungeons will compete one by one. The Royal Mages will open a portal from the main arena directly into a designated chamber within each of our dungeons. Then," she paused, her voice dropping to a horrified whisper, "they are going to release a captured, very angry, wild Manticore through the portal."

Pip let out a small squeak of terror.

"The goal," FaeLina continued, "is to ’subdue’ the Manticore in the fastest time, inside our own dungeon. It’s not a monster fight in an arena. It’s a home invasion. By a Manticore."

The team looked at each other, a shared sense of dread dawning on them. Then, as one, all eyes slowly turned to the corner of the room where Cinder, our most dangerous beast, was engaged in a fierce and very serious game of tug-of-war with a single Dust Bunny over a crumpled-up napkin.

And the Dust Bunny was winning.

’Our champion beast,’ I thought with a deep, internal sigh, ’is a dog-sized rock that smells like cinnamon. And he’s currently being outsmarted by a ball of lint.’

FaeLina, seeing the same pathetic display, threw her tiny hands up in the air, her voice a high-pitched wail of pure despair that echoed in the quiet lobby.

"We’re doomed! Don’t you see?!" she cried, zipping back and forth in front of the team. "A wild Manticore is coming here! Into our home! And what’s our first line of defense?! A rock that smells like a candle!"

She was right. We couldn’t possibly win a fight. Cinder’s only attack was a puff of pleasant-smelling smoke. We would be humiliated.

Unless, of course, we refused to fight at all.

’FaeLina,’ I projected, as a new, wonderfully lazy idea beginning to form in my core. ’You are looking at this all wrong. The goal is to ’subdue’ the Manticore. The rules don’t say you have to subdue it with violence.’

Suddenly, a slow dawning light of understanding spread across FaeLina’s face. "Oh, you magnificent, rule-bending rock," she whispered with a newfound reverence. "You’re going to do it again, aren’t you?"

I presented my new, brilliant, and utterly absurd plan to the team. We were not going to enter a monster fight. We were going to open a luxury pet spa.

The team just stared at me. The silence in the room was so thick you could have spread it on toast. Pip’s eye started twitching.

"A... a pet spa?" Gilda asked, her voice dangerously low. "For a Manticore? A creature with the body of a lion, the wings of a dragon, and the tail of a scorpion?"

’Precisely,’ I confirmed. ’It is a deeply misunderstood and high-stress creature. It doesn’t need a fight. It needs a good grooming and a nice, long nap.’

"And I," Gilda grunted, her hand tightening on her axe, "am supposed to do what, exactly? Give it a belly rub?"

’That is an excellent idea, Gilda,’ I projected, making a mental note. ’You are on belly rub duty.’

The next two days were a whirlwind of the strangest preparations the dungeon had ever seen. I took a huge chunk of our prize money from the last two events and poured it into my new project using the Royal Seal of Approval, which allowed me to create one room that was completely exempt from all the DLRB’s boring rules about safety and lethality.

[-1000 DP. Item Used: ’Royal Seal of Approval’.]

[New Room Created: ’The Creature Comfort Corner’.]

I didn’t build a combat arena. I built the world’s most comfortable and inviting monster habitat. I carved out a large, airy cavern with a high, domed ceiling. In the center, I placed a massive, magically warmed napping rock that was enchanted to be the perfect temperature for a large, scaly creature.

In one corner, a small waterfall flowed with purified, nutrient-rich water that I had magically enchanted to taste slightly of chicken. And scattered around the room were a series of enchanted scratching posts, made from the bark of ancient, magical trees that sharpened claws while also giving off a calming, catnip-like aroma. As a final, practical touch, I added a small, self-cleaning litter box the size of a small carriage.

FaeLina, her panic from moments before completely gone, now radiated an aura of pure, terrifying efficiency. She zipped in front of the team, her tiny clipboard held like a general’s baton. "Alright, team! The plan is set! Now for assignments!"

She zipped right up to Kaelen, her eyes gleaming with a manic, strategic light. "Kaelen! You have the steadiest hands and the most precision. You are now our ’Head Groomer.’ Your mission: acquire a set of the softest, most luxurious brushes and combs known to man or fairy. I want brushes that can soothe a dragon."

Kaelen just gave a single, sharp nod, her expression as serious as if she had just been asked to assassinate a king, not brush a giant cat.

"Zazu," FaeLina continued, turning to the elf. "You are on ’Gourmet Treat Duty.’ The Manticore will be stressed and angry. I need a snack that is so magically delicious and calming it will make him forget he’s a ferocious beast."

"Pip, Clank," she said, "you two are on ’Entertainment Duty.’ Your job is to provide a selection of fun, non-threatening toys. Think giant balls of yarn, squeaky mice... anything to distract a giant, magical cat."

"Gilda, Sir Crumplebuns," she finished, turning to her heavy hitters. "You two are on ’Belly Rubs and Emotional Support.’ This is the most important job of all. You are the last line of defense against a bad mood."

Gilda just sighed, the long, weary sigh of a warrior who had finally, truly accepted her strange new life as a spa attendant.

Finally, the day of the quarter-finals arrived. The portal would open soon. My team stood ready in their new "Creature Comfort Corner" room, dressed in the simple, beige tunics FaeLina had designed, with a logo of a smiling, happy monster on the front. They weren’t a team of warriors; they were the staff of the world’s first five-star monster spa.

FaeLina gave them one final, frantic pep talk.

"Okay, team, remember your training!" she whispered loudly, zipping back and forth in front of them. "Kaelen, brush gently but firmly! Pip, do not let the Manticore eat the squeaky toy! And Gilda..." she paused, her eyes pleading with the giant warrior, "...for the love of all that is holy, please be gentle with the belly rubs."

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Author’s Note:

That’s right. Mochi’s solution to a monster fight is to open a luxury pet spa. I am so proud of him.

The team has their new jobs! Gilda is on ’Belly Rub Duty’, and Kaelen is the ’Head Groomer’. This is the best team ever.

But can they really tame a Manticore with snacks and a good brushing? This is either going to be a work of genius or a complete and total disaster. I can’t wait to find out! Thanks for reading!