CHAPTER 399: CRUEL WINTER

Why was she angry?

Internally, the knight felt helpless because she didn’t know the answer to her own question, but externally, she managed to break away from the Commander’s block and keep up a confident facade. Even if she was doubting her mind and heart, she knew that, at least physically, she was capable enough to take care of herself.

"Do you need to speak to wield a sword?" she retorted.

The Commander’s expression faltered, and his momentary lapse allowed Irene a moment to swing her sword again. She put less strength into this one, wanting to knock him out of his head and back into this match that she had started instead.

It gave him clarity in the worst way.

They circled, not allowing the other to get a weak point as their swords were held out in front of them, ready for whatever came next. However, Irene noticed that her Commander’s eyes were not on her weapon but on her face as he sought an answer for why she was so upset. Since she wouldn’t tell him, it seemed that he had no other choice but to try to read between the lines.

That in itself made her angrier, but she wasn’t angry at him. All her frustration was in herself and how mentally weak she had allowed this man to make her. She was once an expert at brushing things off and could push things that bothered her to the side as long as she took her duties seriously and had time in the day to swing a sword.

But she could never tell him that her biggest issue was the fact that she liked him so much it was hard to be around him, because she didn’t know how unpredictable she would become. She didn’t want to ruin her chance at being in the knighthood by ruining everything with their commander. The only other option was Hydrogia or becoming one of Earl Auden’s meat shields since he was the only other noble in Chemois who had a private order.

Commander Henry’s offer to allow her to go home for a while once her parents had returned north was going to be good for her. She just needed to hold on until then.

This realization caused her to push herself harder. She sprang off of one of her boots and raised her sword, using the downward momentum to deal a particularly harsh blow, but the Commander dodged out of the way, and all she was met with was the earth that her sword tipped into. The impact sent a jolt up her arms and into her shoulders.

Admittedly, she was already a bit taxed from this match. It wasn’t wise to go into a battle she wasn’t sure she could come out on top of with her full strength immediately. It wasn’t as if she was fighting something as straightforward as a dire wolf or a goblin.

But she was going to make an impression on him one way or another. If she couldn’t impress him as a woman, at least he would know her as an impressive sword fighter who dared face the strongest man in their order. He very much deserved the position he held based on his amazing feats in battle.

Unfortunately, her sword hitting the ground was detrimental for the match, because as Irene righted herself and whipped around, she was met with the ready Commander who lurched forward with his elbow to her chest and his blade twisting, meeting the handle of her sword, effectively sending her to the ground and separating her from her weapon entirely.

As the blade went flying despite how heavy it was, she knew the match was over. Her ego felt worse than her body as she fell to the ground so aggressively.

For her disrespect, he could so very easily make a point of hurting her as well, and she would have to accept his decision to reprimand her in front of the apprentices she was meant to preside over. Despite his raising his sword, the blow never came.

Her jaw was clamped tightly shut, and her body was tense in preparation, but she felt herself relax as his words washed over her. All she could do was lower her head.

"Anyone else interested in doubting me this morning?" the Commander asked the others.

They had all been watching the short but intense fight with looks of disbelief exchanged between them. Already, they knew that Irene was a vicious opponent who had put them in their place many times before, but for her to be taken down by their Commander meant he must have been as incredible as the rumors said.

Even Felix was a bit blown away at Irene’s confidence to say something to their Commander that suggested he had gotten sloppy. The second in command had noticed that the two had been talking to one another more, but he didn’t realize they had some sort of falling out. Perhaps he would have to pry a bit further, but Irene normally came to him whenever something was bothering her.

The apprentices responded with their own variations of "No, Commander," and he seemed satisfied with their responses as he turned his attention back to the fallen knight before him, who had quietly sheathed her sword in shame.

"Regardless of the outcome..."

His voice caused her to lift her eyes once more, and she was surprised to see his gloved hand outstretched towards her, a silent offering of peace in the form of helping her to her feet.

However, his voice lowered for his next words, and she knew that they were only meant for her to hear as he continued, "I’m always impressed by your skill. You have my admiration, but don’t make it a habit to disrespect me in front of the others."

Irene wanted to be happy that he was finally drawing a boundary and honoring himself, but she hated that it was because she was the one who stepped out of line.

When she was on her feet, she quickly took her hand back and apologized.

"I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking and allowing my personal feelings outside of the knighthood to dictate my actions. If I’m having a bad day, I don’t need to take it out on others."

Since the conversation had quieted down and the others couldn’t hear what the two were talking about, Felix directed them elsewhere, deciding to finish off their morning practices with a spar.

It seemed that her words weren’t enough for Henry as he gazed at her. He was peering into her, and it felt like he could see right through her. It was making her feel unbelievably emotional, but rather than the anger she had before, it was sadness.

This amazing man that she could never have... Why did it have to be him to awaken her heart? She vowed to put it back in its place.

"You can talk to me," he reminded her.

"I can’t," she responded, her voice devoid of any strength.

The Commander seemed further concerned, wanting to say something more to refute the fact that he had apparently become someone she couldn’t trust. She didn’t give him the opportunity as she straightened herself out and rushed towards the others, quickly pairing up with one of the apprentices.

She needed to focus on something else. Anything else would do.

Getting back to who she was before she couldn’t trust her emotions was her utmost goal since the winter had been cruel.