CHAPTER 198: THE EARTH FRIEND PROBLEM

"Well, let’s try it now. What did you come here to think about?"

"Earth Friend is getting increasingly agitated that we won’t sign a new Planetary Protection Pact to replace the one we convinced him to nullify on the pretense of handing over total control of the Jupiter Refueling Base and the ruse of our insistence on Earth getting "Preferred Status" with the Galactic Union."

"Oh, well," I replied glibly to myself, "He was perfectly willing to take advantage of us for his own benefit, even knowing the way the GU ends up gutting new civilizations like ours in the end. Let him get as upset as he wants."

My second self sighed, "I’m actually worried about him. I think the reason that’s he getting so upset is that the Galactic Union, whoever there regulates explorers like him, is blaming him for screwing it up. We had a perfectly good protection pact, with Earth on the hook for payments while they exploited our products. Sure, we were being slow in releasing a lot of our potential products to the GU licensing, but they have a plan for that, just turn up the cost of the protection so we have to give up more to pay for it."

"Yeah, standard practice, but if you think their upset now, wait until we start an Earth licensing authority of our own and begin signing up new worlds. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when that news hits ’em." I grinned- no I mean it, it was me, the original me, who grinned.

"I think they’re going to take action before that, judging from the way Earth Friend is behaving. I mean, I’m not an expert in alien body language, but if I had to guess, I’d say he’s scared."

"Don’t tell me he’s suddenly worried about Earth’s safety."

"No, I think he’s worried about his own safety. I the Galactic Union is threatening him if he doesn’t fix his mistake. Joe says if they called it gross negligence in performing his duties, which I mean it really was, then he could face forfeiture of his assets gained from his years of work as an explorer. He’s quite rich, even from Earth alone he’s made a bundle."

I shrugged, "I’m kind of OK, with that. I mean, he was negligent in letting us get away with that, he should’ve seen what we were up to instead of focusing on his personal acquisition of the extra half of the refueling station. I mean, he couldn’t have known we wouldn’t resign a protection pact, but still..."

"Maybe, but Joe says if they say his actions endangered the state, then he gets direct implant therapy to make sure he doesn’t take foolish risks like that again."

I shrugged again, "I’m still ok with that. Reducing his tendencies to take big risks for profit doesn’t seem like a terrible price to pay for what he was going to do to Earth."

"Joe agrees, but I’m wondering why someone in power at the Galactic Union, someone willing to crush and destroy planets for profit, would let him off so easy. I mean, yeah, they get his percentage of the GU licensed Earth products, and full control of the Jupiter Refueling Base, but that’s not a tiny fraction of what his mistake cost them. Plus, they’re in a bind now with Earth. If they do nothing, one of the other empires just swoops in and takes the planet from them. If they attack us militarily, they’re tipping off every other planet who their protection pact really protects them from. If they make it that obvious that it’s just a simple extortion scheme, civilizations are going to look at other options. Maybe a couple of the other empires decide to offer better guarantees or start pointing to Earth and saying if you sign up with the GU, that’s what’s going to happen to you."

"Except, nothing’s going to happen to us, because Joe can stop it."

"But the Galactic Union doesn’t know that. So, they’re operating on the assumption they can destroy us or conquer us anytime they want, or that any other empire can, too. Whatever they decide, they have to do it before anyone else moves in. But let’s get back to Earth Friend. I don’t think the GU leadership would be content to let him off so easily. It sets a bad example for other explorers."

"But that’s the law, by treaty around the Galaxy, mostly. Oh..." I suddenly realized, where my other self was going with this. "If they say that he is unsuitable for therapy, or it didn’t take, then..."

"He would be executed."

Professor Wagner was watching the back-and-forth exchange between two versions of Timothy Bailey with fascination. "Wait a minute," he interrupted me and me. "This Earth Friend is the one who originally contacted you and made you the Super High King of the Whole Kit and Kaboodle, or whatever? Now, you tricked him into breaking the original contract because its terms were exploitive. You expect the Galactic Union to declare war on Earth or at a minimum stand by while somebody else does? Do I have that right?"

Both of me, nodded, and replied in perfect unison, "Basically, yeah. - Jinx." We both grinned at each other.

I continued, "but now we have Joe’s agreement to bend the forces of the universe to defend us."

"I’m not actually bending them, they work they way they work, I’m just using them to your advantage," Joe corrected. "I just wanted to point that out since Doctor Wagner is a quantum physicist..."

"Ha! Thank you, Joe. Though it’s a small distinction if you’re hiding the real math behind false results..." He gave Joe’s android a look like father asking a three-year-old if he ate the missing cookies.

"This Earth Friend is an explorer? He finds new worlds and signs them up to these protection and trading contracts for the Galactic Union?" Wagner asked.

"Yes."

Wagner slapped his hands together with a sound like a small thunderclap in the observation deck with its hemispherical glass ceiling. "So, just hire him to work for Earth! You want to add new worlds to your new Earth licensing consortium or whatever, and that’s his primary skill set. Joe, can protect him from this Galactic Union as well as he can protect us, I assume."

"The easiest way to do that would just make him disappear from their view. I could intercept and block all sensor data that revealed his location or even his presence in the galaxy. He would effectively disappear forever, as far as they were concerned."

"But doesn’t he have a family or ties back in the Galactic Union?" I asked, "He’d be a pariah. He could never go back. Especially if they ever found out he had switched sides."

My other self chimed in, "Would he even be willing to switch sides?"

"He has no family to speak of," Joe answered, "Explorers tend to be loners. The job takes them away from their home worlds for decades or centuries at a time, subjecting them to time dilation issues as well. It’s not conducive to family life or close personal ties."

"So, if he’s getting antsy because he thinks the GU is really pissed off at him and they’re getting ready to take action against him..."

"He might be willing to sign up with Earth," I finished for me- that is the duplicate me finished for the original me. I don’t think pronouns are really set up for this sort of situation, I thought as an aside.

I looked at each other... (see what I mean? Let me try that again...) I and my duplicate self looked at each other with raised eyebrows. I tilted my head. He shrugged. Sounds like a good Idea. Joe, you could just pop him around from planet to planet so he doesn’t have to use the old GU tech that requires him to accelerate to near lightspeed before he makes an interdimensional jump, right?"

"Yes."

"So, if he’s any good, he could sign up a new world like every day," both of my selves said in excited unison.

"Unless," Joe’s android said with a mischievous grin, "he gets delayed by requests to build Super-Secret Treehouses in exchange for the right to negotiate..."

"Well, there’s that, I suppose," I grinned back, as did my other self. "But can you imagine how cool alien treehouses would be? Designed by bug-men, or four-armed green aliens with giant pet lizards or something?"

"I’m definitely going to personally visit any alien leaders who make him build treehouses..." my duplicate said.

"Yeah, or undersea glass fortresses," I added as he nodded enthusiastically.

Wagner looked askance at Joe, "Are you sure it’s wise to let eight-year-olds run the galaxy?"

Joe smiled and nodded, "Actually, Doctor Wagner, I am. It seems to be working out quite well, at least from the initial planning stages."

Wagner shrugged his acceptance of Joe’s statement, "Ha! I suppose it does, doesn’t it?"