Chapter 87 – What Changed?

    I just lay there on the bed, staring at the key I had left on the side table.

    ...

    Nothing happened.

    ...

    I didn’t think about it in the moment, but when I came into the inn and Daleia saw me, nothing happened to me. She just... spoke for a bit and then gave me the key to the room. I didn’t even tell her that I wasn’t able to get into the room; she just did it for me.

    ...

    The more I thought about it, the more I started to realise that ever since leaving Casgolau, nobody had really done anything to me. I met Joran, Elwyn, Daleia, and Elenia, and none of them did anything more than try to talk. I even showed Elenia my hair, and all she did was compliment me... Even Cattleya, who showed up out of nowhere, did nothing more than talk.

    ...

    I don’t understand...

    These were all things that had already happened. There weren’t any questions left to ask, yet I still just couldn’t understand what made them different. But there must have been something that had changed. It didn’t make sense otherwise.

    ...

    “I... really don’t know anything,” I muttered to myself as I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.

    I immediately thought back to two years ago when I first saw a wooden ceiling above my head. The sheer panic that overwhelmed me, the fear that I wouldn’t be able to escape. Yet now, even though I was looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling, I didn’t feel anything at all. No panic, no fear, no sadness... no happiness... no relief... just... nothing.

    ‘Kierra?’ Ovia’s voice peeled me away from my thoughts as it echoed inside my mind.

    ‘Ovia?’ I replied.

    ‘You know... If you don’t know something... you can always ask me. I might not know the answer to everything, but I’ll definitely try! I’m sure it would be easier if you had more than one person thinking about it.’

    ...

    I know you would.

    But I also know you can’t answer all of my questions...

    ...

    ‘Kierra?’ Her voice once again pulled me out of my own thoughts.

    ‘Mm.’@@@@

    ‘So... um... if there is something you want to know about right now... maybe I can help? It doesn’t even need to be your wish.’

    All my questions from before rushed through my mind, but I knew that no matter what, I couldn’t ask her most of them. Even ignoring the question of my past, she wouldn’t be able to tell me what I like or who I am. But I really didn’t want to turn her down, not when she was reaching out to me like that. There was just something about her voice that made me want to give in, even if I couldn’t say exactly what that thing was.

    ...

    ‘Then... what happened with Cattleya’s teeth?’ I eventually asked after trying to come up with a question for far too long.

    ‘Cattleya?’ She repeated, ‘Oh, I remember her... I think she’s a... um... vampire? At least, I think that’s what they were called...’

    ‘You think?’

    ‘I... don’t know much about them. I know they have fangs and need to drink blood, but that’s all... They only appeared recently. I think Ellaria might know more about them!... But she left already...’

    Something a Goddess doesn’t know about?

    But... vampire...

    Why do I know that word?

    It was a strange feeling. I just knew that I had heard the word before, but not where. It didn’t make any sense; how could I know about something that even a Goddess doesn’t know much about?

    ‘Can you send her a message?’ I already knew that it probably wasn’t possible, but if there was even a chance.

    ‘No... I can’t...’ Ovia admitted.

    ‘That’s... alright... At least I know she’s safe... that she’s still out there... somewhere.’

    Umbra cuddled up under my arm as I looked over the picture once again, this time focusing on the other two people. Ava and... myself.

    “What changed?”

    It was the only question that left my lips. I knew that things were different now, that the way I was acting was different, that the things I was thinking about were different, that my surroundings were different, that the people were different, but I couldn’t point to what caused it.

    Right at that moment, I heard the lock on the door click open and shot up onto my feet. I barely had the time to slip the painting into my cloak before the door flew open, quickly followed by a bundle of black feathers hurtling my way.

    “Kierra!” Ava shouted as she lifted me up in a clumsy hug, “You- You’re still- No. No, that’s not what I want to say. Are you okay? I know what you said, but I still just-”

    “Ava,” I struggled to speak with how tightly she was holding me, “I’m fine... I think.”

    “That’s just not good enough. I need to know that you’re okay, not that you just think you’re okay. The last time you... I just want to make sure,” She said, taking a deep breath every few words, “When you ran away like that, my body just didn’t know what to do. But now that I’m here, I can say something. It doesn’t matter what you don’t know; it just means you have something to learn, alright? Just, please don’t run away like that. I know you have that pendant on you, but I just... I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore.”

    “It’s okay,” I somehow managed to free myself from her grip and landed back down on the floor, “And... I’m sorry... I don’t know why I did that...”

    “You don’t need to say sorry for something like that. I know I was the one who pushed you too hard. I just got a little worked up and ended up taking it out on you. If anything, I should be the one apologising. If not for that, then for letting you run through the streets by yourself like that... The only reason I was even able to find you was because of- Ahh! I’m doing it again! Kierra, please stop me if I start being too much. Be that now or anytime in the future, you need to tell me so that I know when to stop.”

    But that isn’t what it was.

    I just... I had too much on my mind.

    It’s my fault. It can only be my fault.

    “Is there anything I can do to help right at this moment?” She asked, “Even if it doesn’t answer any of your questions. For example, I could help you sort out your tail. I haven’t done that for a long time now.”

    ...

    It was true that Ava hadn’t brushed my tail for a long time now. At some point, I had just started taking care of it by myself and never really gave it any more thought than that.

    “I... wouldn’t mind,” I said as I climbed back onto my bed.

    “Then what are we waiting for?” She looked over at Umbra, “Umbra, for now, I’ll just need a brush, but keep everything else on hand... or... paw?”

    “*Yip!*”

    With that, Umbra dived into my shadow and brought out a brush as Ava quickly made herself comfortable on my bed.

    “I’m sure you remember how this works. Just lay your tail out in my lap, and I’ll work my magic,” She said.

    I didn’t say anything and just did as I was told. Almost immediately, I felt Ava drag the brush through my tail, pulling at the hairs just a little more than was comfortable.

    “Ow,” I let out a small yelp as I felt the brush catch on a small knot.

    “It’s been a while since you sat down and really took care of yourself,” She said as she brought the brush through again, “It really has been quite hectic since we got here, but that doesn’t mean you can neglect the small things like this.”

    “Mm... it has,” I replied.

    Ava simply continued to brush my tail, slowly bringing it back to its former glory. As she did, I couldn’t help but think back to when she first brushed my tail and then bragged to Mom all about it.

    Without thinking, I brought the picture out from my cloak and finally found myself able to put some of my thoughts into words.

    “I miss Mom...” I muttered.

    “And you aren’t the only one,” Ava replied.

    She didn’t say anything else, but she didn’t need to. Just being able to say that and then knowing that I wasn’t alone in that feeling... that was more than enough for me.

    We didn’t do much else the rest of the day; instead, we decided just to have a lazy day and relax. And I must say, we really needed it after everything that had happened since setting out for Haelmor.