Konoha: The Thirty-Year-Old Uchiha Can’t Be Bothered
Chapter 282 - 282 - Black Zetsu, Your Mom’s Belly Got Knocked Up
In the end, after getting big cousin's approval, Uchiha Izuna happily left first, stuffing the lemon in his hand into Uchiha Gin's palm.
"Big cousin, as long as Meihiko and I can be together, lemons for life are on me!"
Gin calmly accepted the bribe, but frowned at his little cousin's flashy "spiritual boy" outfit.
"Go back and change your style. If you keep looking like this, you'll stay single for life."
Izuna looked down suspiciously at his shiny loafers. He thought he looked cool as hell—walking down the street, his turn-back rate was 200%.
"Really? I think Meihiko actually likes this set."
"When I tell you to change, you change. Stop with the nonsense."
Gin gave his little cousin a sharp flick on the forehead, scolding coldly.
"Alright, alright, I'll change right away~"
Rubbing his aching head, Izuna chose to yield under his big cousin's iron fist. After all, if big cousin ever said the words "I don't approve of this marriage," then he and Meihiko would never become official.
Watching his brother's back disappearing, Uchiha Madara, who had been frowning on the side, finally loosened up a little. He coldly snorted:
"Hmph! That brat Izuna, he just wants her body. How cheap!"
"I think you're jealous~"
Gin turned his head, looking at his big cousin with a mischievous smile.
"Hah? Jealous of him?"
Madara rolled his eyes immediately. His face stayed cold, but hidden deep in his eyes was a faint, unnoticeable trace of relief and joy.
"Heh."
Gin was long used to his big cousin's sharp-tongued but soft-hearted nature. He smiled and reminded him:
"I already got you leave approved. Rest for a few days, handle some clan affairs, and give little cousin some private space."
"But I—"
Hearing this arrangement, Madara instantly got annoyed. This was the critical moment for competing over the Second Hokage position. If he disappeared for even a few days, that white-haired Tobirama might seize the chance and steal it all, turning his hard work into nothing.
"Hmph! If you dare secretly go to work, I'll dump all your blackmail material to that white-hair."
Gin saw through Madara's thoughts and wasn't polite about it. He pulled out the ultimate trump card. After all, the blackmail he'd stored up could bury his big cousin for life.
(Tobirama: …Wait, I get this for free?)
"Fine… I got it."
Madara nearly fainted in rage, but seeing Gin's serious face that clearly wasn't joking, he deflated like a balloon and could only nod in defeat.
"Alright, I'll go walk around some more. You go rest."
Carrying the lemon, Gin waved at Madara and headed toward the village gate.
When visiting widows and orphans, he couldn't show up empty-handed.
…
Meanwhile, after being threatened by Gin, Madara returned alone to the clan leader's mansion. He pushed open the long-unentered office, only to find the wide desk piled high with thick documents.
And Izuna—who had just left earlier—was now sitting there seriously working, looking nothing like that flashy street punk from before.
"Just put it there, I'll look at it later~"
Without raising his head, Izuna assumed it was a clansman delivering papers.
…
But Madara stayed silent. He looked at his younger brother's face, already etched with faint lines of exhaustion, and felt a pang of bitterness.
"You're not leaving?"
Sensing someone in front of him but hearing no reply, Izuna frowned.
"So busy right now?"
Madara's eyes shifted to the cold plate of food on the side table. Clearly, Izuna had been working without eating or resting. Madara's voice dropped:
"…Brother? You—why are you here? Weren't you—"
Startled, Izuna raised his head, only to see Madara standing there, face full of guilt. He quickly stood up, surprised.
"Don't say anything. Sorry, Izuna. For the things I said to you earlier—I'm such an idiot."
Thinking of the sharp words he'd used before against Izuna, Madara wished he could slap himself.
"Huh?"
Izuna was stunned, scratching his head in confusion. What the hell kind of drama was his brother playing?
"You go rest, Izuna. From now on, I'll handle the work."
Madara stepped forward, pulled his confused brother aside, and sat down in the clan leader's chair, grabbing the documents himself.
"Brother, aren't you supposed to be working in the Hokage's office? Why come back here?"
Izuna carefully asked, watching Madara scribbling away.
"If I don't come back, how will you ever have time to do the real stuff?"
Madara chuckled faintly at his brother.
"The real stuff?"
"Don't play dumb. I know. I've already agreed. As long as you don't cross the line, you can go chase that fruit-shop girl."
"…You said what??"
Izuna's reaction was explosive.
Madara froze, baffled at his brother's sudden heat. "You okay? Happy is fine, but don't overheat."
A long silence passed. Izuna's face darkened like a storm, eyes brimming with murderous intent. From between clenched teeth, he hissed:
"He dared deceive me!"
Just then—
Bang!
The office door slammed open. Another Izuna rushed in, sweating, clothes disheveled, looking exhausted.
"Man, I'm dead tired! This 'outside research trip' isn't easy. I really envy you, clone, getting to sit in this cool office~"
The newcomer babbled before realizing—the one sitting at the desk had changed. His eyes went wide.
"Eh? Brother? Why are you here? Weren't you out shopping with big cousin?"
Madara stared at the two brothers standing before him, utterly speechless.
The Izuna at the desk finally looked up, cold gaze locking on the newcomer with rising killing intent.
"So, main body. Tough trip outside?"
"N-not tough! Not tough! Way tougher for you, clone~"
Feeling the chill, the newcomer shook his head like a rattle drum.
"No, no, you're the one who worked hard. By the way… Meihiko okay?"
"She—her braids today were super cute!"
…
Thud!
The "main body" Izuna's face froze. Knees buckling, he dropped in a kowtow, wailing:
"Sorry! I'm the undercover!"
"You made me work here night and day like a slave, while you went out under the name of 'research' to flirt with girls. Truly, you're the best 'main body' in the shinobi world."
Only then did Madara understand. His eyes on Izuna grew sharp.
So this brat wasn't actually hardworking—he'd dumped the paperwork on a clone and snuck off to woo girls.
And the worst part—why hadn't I thought of that trick earlier?
Thinking back to all those days of personally slogging through paperwork, Madara felt worse than losing a fortune.
"Eat shit, you!"
The furious clone lunged at the kneeling main body, roaring for justice.
"Release!"
But the real Izuna was prepared. With a quick seal, the clone vanished in smoke.
"Ughhh—"
But the flood of memories slammed into him anyway. Clutching his head, sweating, he rolled on the ground groaning in pain.
Only after a long struggle did he finally quiet down, gasping.
"Thought I was gonna die."
As he staggered up, wiping sweat, Madara's icy voice came from beside him:
"You think it's over?"
Izuna instantly stood straight.
"Brother, I was just reasonably using ninjutsu."
Seeing Madara's sharp glare, Izuna scrambled to explain.
"You really balance work and flirting well."
"Ahh, it's nothing~"
Izuna scratched his head shyly. His brother rarely praised anyone.
"You think that was praise? Get to work!"
Madara rose, pointing at the clan leader's chair.
"Ah! But big cousin just told me to chase Meihiko!"
Terrified, Izuna tried to pull Gin's name as a shield. But Madara's sharp eyes cut straight through him, his aura pressing down like a mountain.
"I'll do it, I'll do it! But… Meihiko—"
Izuna's face crumpled. He'd only just made progress with her. Missing this chance might mean losing everything.
"Send your clone to her. You stay here."
Let him taste clone-life himself.
…Izuna nearly fainted.
Wait—wasn't that basically greening himself?!
Madara, satisfied, left the office for Nanga Shrine.
"Only here can I truly focus."
Inside the silent shrine, lit faintly by candles, Madara sat cross-legged before the clan's ancient stone tablet. His scarlet eyes spun, staring hard at the strange, tadpole-like script.
But even as his Eternal Mangekyou spun wildly, he still couldn't make out the final lines.
"Why can't I see it…? My eyes are supposed to be at the pinnacle of the Sharingan!"
He pushed harder with his eyes until smoke practically poured out, but the last secrets refused to appear.
"Could it be… the Eternal Mangekyou isn't the true limit?"
He closed his eyes, frowning deeply. Then a thought struck him.
"Shinra Banshou (All Things of Creation)…?"
The stone said that Senju and Uchiha power combined would give rise to that force. Perhaps that was the key to deciphering the final content.
While he pondered, in the shadows nearby a black figure emerged. Black Zetsu peeked out, eyes gleaming.
Yes… this Indra reincarnation is wavering. Should I fan the flames, push him further?
The final content could only be read by Rinnegan eyes—it contained instructions for the Infinite Tsukuyomi, summoning the Gedo Mazo, using the Bijuu, and more.
"First I'll make him clash with that Asura reincarnation. Once he's abandoned, I'll slip in and take control. Soon, mother… you'll be free."
…
Meanwhile, Gin, carrying lemons, reached the closed cold-drink shop at the village entrance. The "Closed" sign nearly broke his heart. Thankfully, Madam Yongmi had once told him where the spare key was.
Unlocking it quickly, Gin strolled inside. His dry lips craved a drink, but he couldn't be bothered to move himself.
As a man with underlings, his scarlet eye flashed—
"Wangliang-chan!"
From the Shadow Realm appeared the black-skinned girl, but this time… with white rabbit ears sprouting on her head.
Gin's eyes bulged. "The hell kind of look is this?!"
Kaguya, sipping tea in the Shadow Realm earlier, had sensed the summon. She had already noticed the odd mutation after her last fusion-transformation with Gin.
Even as an Otsutsuki "rabbit goddess," she'd never grown actual rabbit ears before.
…
Gin stared, then grinned. "Since you can't talk, whatever. Wangliang-chan, make me a hand-squeezed lemonade, extra sugar!"
Kaguya's temple throbbed. This brat dared order her like a servant?!
Seeing no action, Gin cheerfully demonstrated. His expert smashing and mixing stunned her—
This descendant actually had skill. Perhaps… when I rule the world, I'll keep him as my chef.
The drink was perfect—sweet, sour, refreshing.
When Gin asked if she wanted to try, Kaguya instinctively nodded. She panicked, but Gin didn't suspect a thing. He happily handed it over.
"Ton ton ton~"
She drank it down greedily. The taste shocked her to the core.
This descendant… has the qualifications to enter my harem.
Cup after cup, she downed them. Soon, her once-flat belly began to swell visibly.
Word will spread: Uchiha Gin knocked up Kaguya's belly.
"Delicious!"
Hiccupping, tipsy, she finally blurted out loud.
Gin froze. His eyes went wide—then tears of joy streamed down.
"She spoke…! Wangliang-chan finally evolved!"
To him, it was proof his tireless "training" had paid off.
Kaguya blinked, realizing she'd slipped, but Gin's joyful sobbing made him seem utterly clueless.
"Wangliang-chan! Do you know who I am?"
"…Curly hair?"
"…No! I'm your master!" Gin thumped his chest in an X.
"…Okay, Curly Hair."
Kaguya's cold face hid a faint smile.
"Not like that! Say it: Master!"
She tilted her head, amused, and repeated: "You're the master?"
"Yes, yes! I'm the master!"
Gin's eyes lit up. He truly believed he was a born teacher.
Kaguya gave a very serious nod.
Hah. This descendant isn't very bright. No need to worry.
(End of Chapter)
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