Chapter 226: The Boss We Deserve

    With a wave of the Elder Lich’s hand, the six remaining collectors exploded. Tons of frozen debris rained down, but another swipe of the hand swept it all aside to land clear of the soldiers. Spiritual energy funneled from the wrecked devices, flowing into the General’s palm.

    With a few gestures, an Undead soldier floated up from the ground, the energy invaded its body, and the creature reshaped itself into the form of the Lich Commander we’d just slain. The woman gasped as she was resurrected, then looked around and tensed for battle. When she caught sight of the General, she hastily flew down to kneel with the rest of the army.

    The General looked up at Xim and Varrin, then turned to face a dark corner near the ceiling. It made a come hither gesture, and the world stuttered. Etja and I, along with the rest of the party, appeared at the crater''s edge.

    The Lich looked down at us with hollowed eye sockets. The creature pointed at one of the Serpents, and its body dissolved into sand. Spectral energy flowed to the General, and the flesh visible beneath its torn robes inflated, growing full and healthy. Silvery eyes formed in its skull, and the man closed them while taking a deep breath. He let it out long and slow, then floated down toward us.

    He released his staff, which hovered at his side as he touched down only a few feet away. The Lich ran his eyes over us, and I felt foreign mana invade every cell of my being. He lingered on me, looking my body over, then spoke with a deep, commanding voice.

    “Tell me,” said the Lich. “For how many generations have we slept?”

    After taking a brief moment to absorb our new circumstances, the party vigorously conferred on psychic comms. Xim in particular was very vocal about how it was bullshit that all our adventures ended with us dealing with something way more powerful than we should rightfully be expected to deal with and to point out–emphatically–that this wasn’t technically a god and so I couldn’t be expected to wrangle it.

    We took note of her guidance and decided to answer the Lich’s question.

    “One generation, so far as we know,” I said in Zng.

    “Oh, good,” said the Lich. He placed his hands on his lower back and stretched. There were several cracks and pops. “What phase are we in?”

    “System phase?” I asked. He nodded. “We’re in phase two.”

    His eyes widened. “Wonderful! And how long has phase two been active?”

    “Uh, two weeks or so? Something like that.”

    “Wow,” said the Lich, leaning back. There was a final loud pop and he sighed in satisfaction. “That’s quite fast. I thought it would take much longer than that.”

    “We aim to please,” I said, uncertain. “You sound like you were expecting this to happen.”

    “Yes,” the Lich said absently. “Yes, I was.” He turned toward the kneeling soldiers, hesitated, then turned back to us. He pointed a thin finger up and down at me. “As one professional to another, I like the modifications you’ve made to your organism.”

    I glanced down at myself. “Thanks?”

    “You''re welcome, young man. Now, we must be off.”

    “Wait. You aren’t going to try and conquer the world or anything, are you?”

    “Hmm? No, I doubt we could.” He waved at the soldiers. “It seems like your group alone destroyed nearly 3% of my army. The weakest 3%, but regardless. We’re not trying to conquer the world, just dishing out some justice.”

    “Justice against who?”

    “The filthy avatars, of course.”

    “Aha. Well, if that’s your plan, good luck I guess.”

    “Thank you,” said the Lich.

    “Actually, one more thing,” I said. The Lich eyed me curiously and waited for my question. “Since you’re a Lich of considerable power, I assume you have expertise with Spiritual magicks.”

    “A common misconception,” said General Diathemon. “My attunement is Mystical, in fact. The necromantic capabilities I use to affect the soul are derived from the Divine school. Most Liches in my day were attuned to a school in the Spiritual triad, but Divine was a common enough secondary.”

    “Ah, well, that might even be better. We’re having some trouble with a lingering mental effect. It started with–”

    The Lich held up a hand. “While I appreciate the help you’ve provided, there are many matters I must attend to. Give it to me in twenty words or less.”

    I pursed my lips, a little peeved at being shut down, but I was probably lucky the Lich was engaging with me at all.

    “Do you know a master of mental magicks powerful enough to manipulate souls at a deific or near-deific level?”

    “Gods, no,” said the Lich. “My business is mainly concerned with breathing new life into those who willingly commit themselves to my service. None of my soldiers are bound against their will. Slavery is not a practice that was looked kindly upon within the Zng Republic, and mental slavery was abhorred above virtually any other criminal act. If I even knew of such an entity within a thousand miles of me I would hunt it down and rid the world of its repugnant existence.”

    “I see,” I said.

    “Indeed. If that is all...” He turned back to the kneeling soldiers, took his staff in his hand, and then slammed it down into the ground. A wave of Dimensional mana flooded the room, and the soldiers teleported off in droves. The Demilich we’d temporarily killed scowled at us before she blinked away.

    The Elder Lich looked back over his shoulder at me. “Speaking of violators of free will, 9963 was a handful to work with, but she’s a dedicated sort. She took charge of the place under our agreement with the System, although she wasn’t aware of it. Either way, I am giving her a pass. Still, she could use a firm hand to guide her, lest she stray too far into corruption.”

    With that, the man disappeared along with all the rest of the Undead. The floating boulders crashed back to the ground, and we were left in a massive, empty chamber filled with rubble and ice.

    “What a friendly lich!” said Etja. She looked around, making sure he was really gone, then whispered, “I thought he’d be mean.”

    “A prejudice, to be sure,” said Nuralie. Pause. “But not an unreasonable one.”

    “The fuck just happened?” I asked. The System, in its infinite generosity, delivered half of an answer.

    Your party has defeated Delve Core 9963: Delve Core, Grade Stupid!

    Your party receives the following reward!

    “Grotto,” I said, “did the System insert us into the middle of a workplace dispute?”

    [It was surprisingly forthcoming with the location of this Expansion Delve, so I believe it directed us here with the intention that we deal with 9963– Excuse me, that we deal with Hubris on its behalf.]

    “Eh, okay. Hubris it is!” I said.

    {No! That’s terrible! I hate it!}

    “Really?” I said. “I can’t imagine why.”

    “That sort of sounds like an avatar name,” said Etja.

    “True, true.”

    “The name also feels unnecessarily scathing,” said Nuralie. “It is a Delve Core.” Pause. “It did Delve Core things.” She shrugged.

    {I refuse to be called Hubris. Call me something else!}

    I raised an eyebrow at the Core. “You’re in no position to be making demands.” I held up a finger to interrupt the Core’s next protest. “We can consider a different name, but only if you use the magic words.”

    {I don’t know Celestial.}

    “‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are the magic words,” I said.

    {Those phrases have no inherent power to bend the universe to my will.}

    “That’s not true. When you are in an inferior bargaining position, being polite is often more effective for getting what you want than making demands and generally being an ass. What’s more magical than convincing another intelligent being who owes you nothing to go out and do things for you that you can’t do on your own?”

    The Core considered that for a half-second, which was a long time for a Delve Core. {Please do not call me Hubris. I would be thankful if you called me something else.}

    I nodded appreciatively. “Very well. Throne is still in the name of the Delve. Does Throne work for you?”

    {I think... yes. It’s regal. It’s royal. It implies that I am the seat of power for a mighty kingdom. Highly appropriate for a Core of my caliber.}

    “Good. Now that we have that settled, Throne, where’s the obelisk?”

    {Up your butthole, meatwad!}

    I sighed as all the progress between us was lost. Fortunately, the System was still on our side.

    Prepare for teleportation to the obelisk chamber.

    Teleporting in 3...

    2...

    1...

    The world stuttered, and we found ourselves in a much smaller chamber. It was hexagonal, filled with delicate rosy lighting, and pleasantly free of ice. Pink flowers grew along the walls. Paintings of Undead were placed between the flowers, although rather than being menacing shamblers of sinister origins, the figures had small bodies, large heads, and big, glistening eyes. A forty-foot-tall obelisk dominated the space, its runes glimmering as it powered up. It was wrapped in a spiraling strand of small glowstones, gently sparkling in a rhythmic pattern.

    “Are those chibi zombies?” I asked, looking at the paintings.

    “Why is it so–” Pause. “–pleasant?”

    “I like it!” said Etja. She reached over and patted the Core. “Very nice interior design, Throne.”

    {Don’t touch me. Sweaty Hands here is touching me enough.}

    Xim ran her fingers over the strand of glowstones. “The Lich mentioned that he had a deal with the System,” she said. “I guess getting released was part of that, but why go through all these hoops?”

    [This sort of action goes beyond the bounds of the System’s dictates. I presume this was done as a workaround to its governing principles.]

    {I don’t understand where I went wrong.}

    [I believe I can provide you with some feedback. The concept for your Delve was interesting, although it felt like you were trying to railroad your Delvers. When your initial design was subverted, rather than accepting it with grace, you doubled down on punishing the Delvers for their atypical tactical approach.]

    {But I worked so hard on it all! And even when I threw everything I could at these dummies, it still wasn’t enough!}

    [Yes, that was primarily an absence of strategic execution, rather than insufficient resources. For example, when creating a kill box using ranged units, it is important to provide them with sufficient elevation to take advantage of their numbers. The large chamber housing those legions was relatively flat, which allowed the party to avoid most of your soldiers by breaking their sight lines. If you’d created elevated platforms that ringed the space, that would have been more difficult. The ceiling was also outside of the most common unit’s rifle range, which was another error. As far as the Serpents...]

    Grotto rattled off a litany of improvements Throne could have made to her Delve, including everyone else in the psychic exchange for some reason. I relegated the conversation to my secondary thread of focus, then walked up to the obelisk and gave it a knock.

    “Ready for that Level now,” I said, tuning out Throne’s vigorous defense of her design choices.

    The obelisk blazed with mana and injected it into our souls. Then, we were hit with a fresh wave of notifications. I scanned over them and grinned.

    “Well, well, well,” I said. “Looks like I have a new evolution to pick.”