CHAPTER 141: NUMB

I curled myself on the bed, my knees to my chest, my eyes to the ceiling. My entire body was chilly, and the corner of my cheeks drenched with icy tears.

All my life I wondered why...I wondered. Many times, I wondered a great deal until I stopped and just deemed it that maybe I wasn’t fit to exist. Maybe I was unfortunate enough to breathe the air or even hope for better days.

But it was never that. Nothing in my life made sense anymore, and I questioned everything. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I closed my eyes and, upon hearing cracks, I flicked them open and found the entire bed was covered in ice.

A soft knock came from the door.

"Eloise."

Silence followed, a very loud one, but I didn’t move an inch; I was numb.

"Please, my love, talk to me."

I’ve lost track of how long he had been there, maybe since the sunset.

A softer knock came again. "I know you’re angry with me and you have every reason to, but please, I don’t want you to be cold."

"Eloise...please."

I closed my eyes, wishing he could just go away, and for once, my wish came true; I heard his retreating footsteps.

~•~

First light came, the skies colouring with light. I watch from the couch near the window. I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t.

Drevon was at the door again. He asked how my night was and if I was cold, but after I didn’t reply, he left again.

It has been two hours since then.

"Your Grace, I brought you breakfast." Osha’s voice came from the door this time.

I turned away from the window, standing to my feet and walked to the door, unlocking it.

"Good morning, Your Grace," Osha said with a bright expression, holding onto a platter of my favorites.

I stepped away for her to come in and shut the door.

She dropped the food platter on the table, eyes veering to some of the furniture covered in ice, she shivered slightly, and it dawned on me that the room was too chilly for her.

I swallowed as I neared the hearth.

"I-I’ll do that, Your Grace, please, you must be tired."

I piled wood inside the hearth. "Are you scared?"

"No, Your Grace."

I straightened my spine and faced her. "Of me?"

"No!" she came closer, unafraid, but she halted as if not to inconvenience me.

"I’m a...Snowblood." Saying that out loud still made it hard to believe. "Do you know what I have read about them? I read their hair is silver, skin as pale as snow, and eyes blue like the ocean. Blood for appetite."

"Your hair isn’t silver, and your eyes are a beautiful olive green," Osha said with a soft smile on her lips. "And you don’t look blood frenzy to me."

Her words almost made me smile, but I was too heartbroken to do that. "Then what am I?"

Osha exhaled heavily as if the next thing she’d say would be too much to bear. "Ravyn briefed me."

"Ravyn? She kept this away from me, too?"

I don’t believe this!

"She kept it from me, too," Osha replied sadly. "I wish she had told me earlier. It’s heartbreaking that I don’t know much about you. I’m meant to know everything about so that I can care for you more. But I understand why she had to. This was a very risky discovery, Your Grace, and I’m sure they kept it for a good reason. The monarch, too."

I sobbed, using the back of my hand to dry my tears.

"What did she tell you?" I asked. "Tell me."

"Ravyn told me that you’re part snowblood and human, hence why you don’t have the physical appearance of one. You’re a hybrid."

A chill found my spine, and my bottom lip trembled. "Of course..." I nodded, sobbing loudly as my eyes stung more, but I was tired of crying. "That’s enough, I don’t want to hear about it anymore."

Osha nodded in understanding.

"I-I need you to help me pack. Just the essentials that I’d be needing."

"Pack?"

"I can’t stay here, Osha, not anymore."

"But—"

"I know this is too much, it is even for me, but the situation has changed drastically," I said, rummaging through the wardrobe.

"Your Grace—"

"What am I to do?" I twirled to her.

"You don’t need to worry about getting discovered by others. No one knows, except for the monarch’s Beta, Gamma, and Ravyn. They respect and love you, and they keep it a secret."

I should be relieved by this, but I’m not; it only worked my nerves harder than expected.

Osha walked to me and grabbed my shaky hand.

"Don’t Osha, I’m too cold," I said.

"Everything will be fine, Your Grace. The monarch will protect you."

I wanted to cry again. "How?" I broke as my voice cracked. "Lycans despise the snowbloods."

"You’re not like them." Her grip tightened on mine.

But the ice still runs through me. All my life I have been cold, and thought it was nothing more than the lingering ailment that had eaten away at my body since I was a baby.

Who could have known it was the complete opposite?

Everything was all messed up, but at the same time, it made a lot of sense and answered some questions.

"Your Grace..." she began in a heavy tone.

I sensed there was something else wrong that didn’t have to do with me being a snowblood and on every Lycan’s hunt list.

"What is it, Osha?"

"The torch in the Moonhall has stopped burning."

"D-Does that mean they are here?"

"In a few days time."

Was that why Drevon was called to court urgently?

This was the worst time of all for this to happen. The Fates were the spiritual elders of Valkanor, speakers of the goddess’s will.

I looked to the ice, covering a part of the room, and then to the bed.

What if they figure out what I was?