CHAPTER 50: SEEING HER

We walked away from the school, and I was still holding her hand. My palm felt hot and clumsy, I didn’t know if I was supposed to squeeze back or just let my fingers be limp. I had no idea how to do this.

I just focused on the cracks in the sidewalk, counting them as we walked. One, two, three. The silence felt loud, but the warmth of her hand was louder.

She was the one who was supposed to be the pillar, but I was the one who had just grabbed her and pulled her away. I didn’t know where that came from.

"Hey," I said finally, because the silence was getting to be too much. My voice sounded a little rough.

She looked over at me, but her eyes weren’t on my face. They were on our hands, linked together between us.

"Are you okay?"

She was quiet for another block. I thought maybe she was angry that I’d just grabbed her, that I’d made a scene.

"He looked afraid of you," she said, her voice soft and full of a weird kind of wonder.

I just shrugged, because I didn’t know what to say to that. "He’s not as tough as he looks."

"No," she said, stopping and turning to face me. "That wasn’t it. He was really, truly afraid of you, Kofi. What did you do?"

I looked down at our hands. I couldn’t tell her about the blackmail. It would just drag her into something ugly, something she didn’t need to know about.

"I just talked to him."

It wasn’t a lie, not really.

Her fingers tightened around mine, just a little. "You’re a bad liar," she said, but she was smiling a little. "But it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me."

We started walking again. The weight of her question hung in the air, but her answer made my chest feel lighter. She trusted me.

"So," she said, her tone shifting to something more teasing. "Holding my hand now, are we? Pretty bold move for the guy who was scared to talk to me just a few days ago."

My face got hot. "I just... you looked like you were going to stay there. I didn’t want you to."

"So you just decided to grab me and run?" she asked, and I could hear the laugh in her voice.

"It seemed like a good plan at the time," I mumbled.

A few more minutes passed.

"You’re walking way faster today," she said, bumping my shoulder. "What’s the deal? Did your new haircut give you a speed boost?"

"It’s a passive buff," I said, not missing a beat. "Plus five to agility. It was in the patch notes."

She let out a laugh, that bright sound that still felt new to me. "Okay, nerd. So what’s my buff for being your pillar? I better get something good for having to deal with your terrible jokes."

"You get to bask in my newfound glory," I said. "It’s an honor."

"Wow, thanks. I feel so blessed." She rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling.

We kept walking. This was our new routine. It was easy. We’d just talk about whatever—school, manga, and so on. It felt normal.

Then we passed them. A group of girls from one of the other classes. They didn’t say anything out loud, but I saw the looks. The quick up-and-down glances at me, then the whispers to each other as they stared at Nina.

I felt her tense up next to me. The easy, playful energy she had just a second ago was gone. She went quiet, her smile disappearing completely. She just stared straight ahead, walking a little faster.

"Hey," I said quietly. "You good?"

She didn’t answer for a whole block. We just walked, the only sound being our footsteps on the sidewalk. I knew it was those girls. I knew exactly what they were thinking, what they were probably saying.

Finally, she stopped. We were almost at the corner where we usually split up.

She was looking at the ground, her hands shoved in her pockets.

"Kofi," she said, her voice so low I almost didn’t hear it. She finally looked up at me, and her eyes looked... tired. All the light was gone from them. "Be honest with me."

I just waited.

"Do you think I’m for the streets?"

The question hit me right in the chest. Not because it was a shock—I knew the rumors—but because of the way she asked it. Like she was genuinely asking. Like my answer actually mattered.

My first thought was to just say no. ’No, of course not, don’t be stupid.’ That’s what you’re supposed to say, right? The easy answer. The nice answer.

But she didn’t need nice. She needed honest.

I took a breath. "Look at me," I said.

She hesitated, then met my eyes.

"I know what people say," I started, my voice even. "I hear the rumors. Jake told me about them the first day he talked to me. ’She moves on fast’, that kind of crap."

I saw her flinch, but I kept going. I had to.

"I’m not gonna lie and say no one thinks that," I said. "They do. Those girls back there were probably saying it. People are just stupid like that. They see a popular girl who’s dated a few guys and they just assume things."

I took a small step closer, not letting her look away. "But that’s them. That’s not what I see."

She just looked at me, her expression unreadable.

"You want to know what I see?" I asked. "I see the girl who sat next to my hospital bed for two days straight when she barely even knew me. I see the girl who brought me food she made herself, and whose face lit up when I said it was good."

I kept my voice low and steady. "I see the girl who cried in the hallway because she hated her reputation so much. The one who told me she’d never even kissed anyone because her friends kept pushing her into dating guys she didn’t even like."

Her breath hitched. A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, but she didn’t wipe it away.

"I see the girl who stood up to her best friend in front of the whole class because that friend was being a jerk to me. I see my friend, the one who promised she wouldn’t disappear. The one who calls herself my pillar."

I looked her dead in the eye.

"So, no. I don’t think you’re ’for the streets’. I think you’re a good person who’s been stuck with shitty friends and a bunch of asshole guys. And I think anyone who can’t see that is a blind idiot."

I finished, my chest feeling tight. I’d said everything. All of it. I just stood there, waiting.

She didn’t say anything. She just let out this shaky breath, and then another tear rolled down her other cheek. She wiped them both away with the back of her hand, but a small, watery smile was on her face.

"You really are a dumbass," she whispered, her voice choked up.

"I’ve been told," I said.

She laughed, a wet, hiccupping sound. "Thank you," she said, her voice still a mess. "For... for seeing me."

"Always," I said.

And that was it. We just stood there on the corner for a minute, the world just moving around us. Then, she took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders. The tired look was gone. She looked... lighter.

"Alright," she said, her voice almost back to normal. "My turn. Your favorite ice cream. Go."

I just smiled. "Mint chocolate chip."

"Ugh, gross," she said, making a face. "It tastes like toothpaste. Your opinions are still invalid."

"You’re wrong," I said, starting to walk again. "And you still haven’t answered."

"Strawberry cheesecake," she said, falling into step beside me. "Obviously. It’s the superior choice."

We argued about it all the way to her street. It was the best conversation we’d ever had.