CHAPTER 57: AN EXCUSE TO BE WITH HER

Julian’s POV

Catherine didn’t open the door but I told myself I’d give it five minutes.

When I glanced at my phone again, ten minutes had passed.

At some point, I leaned forward, resting my elbows against the door. "I didn’t mean what I said earlier," I muttered under my breath. "About you being the problem."

I stared at the floor. "I am sorry for using those hurtful words. Please open the door."

The floorboard creaked faintly from inside her room. I knew... no, I felt—she was listening. "Stop ignoring me, I know you’re listening. Just open the door, let’s talk."

Still nothing from her.

After a few more minutes of silence, I decided to go back to my room. I really hurt her bad, so I couldn’t blame her. She had every right to be angry—or did she?

——

Every first day of the month, we did this thing of going to the supermarket to restock... get groceries and every other item we needed. Since dad wasn’t around, Gabriel and I were supposed to go with a few staff.

But because Catherine wasn’t coming, I made up an excuse not to join them when Lucy came to remind me that they were about to leave.

Lucy looked at me like she knew I was lying. Her expression was half a question and half an accusation.

"What?" I asked, already tired of her eyes on me.

"You are so different now," she finally let out. "Whatever is going on with you lately is weird."

I leaned back on my bed, picking up my phone like I didn’t care. "What do you mean?"

She folded her arms. "You used to actually care about things. Now you just stay locked in this room, barely talk to anyone, and when you do, it’s always her."

My jaw tightened. "Her?"

She gave a tiny, smug smile. "Catherine."

There it was, the bombshell I’d known she would drop sooner or later.

"I know she is the reason why you don’t want to come with us."

I laughed it off, because that was the only way to keep her from seeing through me. "You’re ridiculous," I said, standing and pulling my laptop closer. I turned the screen toward her, showing her the unfinished assignments scattered across my desktop. "I’m in my final year, Lucy. I always have work to do. Stop coming up with silly ideas about Catherine and me."

Her expression softened, but I caught the look of doubt in her eyes before it disappeared.

"Oh, sorry. I just have this weird thing of always wanting to protect you from making mistakes," she murmured, guilt coating her tone. "Forgive me."

I called her name the minute she turned to leave because we still hadn’t had a proper conversation about that day that she tried to kiss me and I rejected her.

"Yes?"

"Lucy, about that day..." I started. "That day you tried to... you know, the one where you said I was giving mixed signals."

Her back stiffened, but she turned around slowly. I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly aware of how awkward the air had become. "I didn’t mean to make you think I wanted something more. I just— I care about you. You’re important to me, Lucy but not like that."

She smiled, like she was wounded. "You don’t have to apologize, Julian. If anyone needs to, it’s me. I misread things."

I nodded, relieved she wasn’t going to make it messy but before I could say anything else, she crossed the room in quick strides and wrapped her arms around me.

Her body pressed into mine, desperate for reassurance I couldn’t give. It didn’t feel right.

I froze, arms limp at my sides, until she whispered, "Are you not going to hug me back? Or are hugs off-limits now?"

I sighed. Guilt immediately pushed my arms up. I hugged her back, briefly, my chest tight. "Not once did I ever forget you after returning home. I tried to find you, but it wasn’t easy."

She smiled against my neck. "Thank you, Julian."

The horn from outside made me pull away from her as I reminded her that the others were waiting.

She smiled and nodded, asking me to take care before walking toward the door.

Before she left, she turned back and asked if I would need anything.

I gave a small grin. "Just a shaving cream."

"Got it," she winked and left.

The second the front door closed, I exhaled, long and heavy. I didn’t even bother pretending I’d open the laptop again. My thoughts were already somewhere else... behind another door. Catherine’s.

I grabbed a cigarette, lit it, and walked down the hall, stopping in front of her room.

I knocked twice, but got no answer. "Catherine," I muttered. "Come on."

Silence greeted me still.

I leaned against the door, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor. I rested my head back against the wood and closed my eyes, feeling the faint pulse of her presence just beyond it. I could imagine her curled up on her bed, arms around her knees, pretending she didn’t care that I was sitting right here.

She was stubborn to the bone.

The cigarette burned lower between my fingers. I flicked the ash into an empty can by the wall and stared at the smoke twisting toward the ceiling.

I should’ve gone with the others. It would’ve been easier to get her out of my head, and pretend like I didn’t feel hurt that she was hurt.

But I couldn’t stay away and that was the problem.

Every time I thought I’d built some distance, she always did something to pull me back in, a look, a word, or even a stupid argument and I’d fall for it all over again.

I pressed my palms against my face, groaning quietly. "Get a grip, Julian."

Just then the door creaked open and she came out, rubbing her sleepy eyes. "What are you still doing here?"