"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have it thrust upon them—usually by idiots."

— William Shakespeare (Twelfth Night)

--

Then her earlier words caught up to him.

"…Your what?"

"My husband," she repeated proudly, tapping her chest. "I picked him up after the battle. He's a shinobi from Kirigakure."

Hiruzen pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling the beginnings of a headache claw at his temples. "Hikari…" He inhaled. Exhaled. Tried to summon the patience of ten lifetimes. "That man is from the Land of Water. He is an enemy shinobi. You don't drag an enemy into my office and announce marriage like it's gossip."

"Enemy?" she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Old man, please. It was love at first sight! You think I planned this? No—destiny planned it. I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine, and the world just… stopped. Time itself slowed down, and in that instant, we both knew—this was it."

Before Hiruzen could continue, the office door creaked open. 

There he was—the mysterious stranger. Tall. Lean. Handsome in that irritating, brooding-warrior way that made women swoon. He stood a little awkwardly, but his eyes darted immediately to Hikari's, and—damn it all—she melted under his gaze like a kunoichi in a bad romance novel.

Hiruzen wanted to vomit.

He strode forward, fell to one knee before the Hokage's desk, and bowed his head.

The stranger strode forward, fell to one knee before the Hokage's desk, and bowed his head.

"My name is Ryuji, Hokage-sama—no, FATHER!" he declared with alarming sincerity. "Please give us your blessing. I no longer care for my village. If you allow me, I will prove my loyalty to Konoha. I will dedicate myself to Hikari's happiness."

Hikari clapped her hands together and squealed, blushing so hard her ears turned red. "See? SEE?! Ohhh, my baby, you don't need to grovel. The old man is just bitter and wrinkly, but he's sweet candy inside. He'll agree."

She turned to Hiruzen, her face shifting in an instant from squealing maiden to cold, warning predator, eyes narrowing with a dangerous gleam. "…Won't you, old man?"

Hiruzen groaned. Kami save me. They're both idiots.

His palm hit his face so hard the sound echoed across the room. He leaned forward, peering at the kneeling man with a gaze sharp enough to cut stone.

"Tell me honestly, Ryuji," Hiruzen muttered, low and dangerous. "Is she blackmailing you? Threatening you? Blink twice if you need me to save you. Don't worry. She can't hurt you here."

"WHAT?!" Hikari shrieked, stomping her foot so hard the desk rattled. "What the hell do you mean, blackmail?! This is true love! He loves me, I love him—why is that so hard for you to accept? Here I thought you saw me as your daughter. Guess not."

"You are my daughter," Hiruzen muttered, rubbing at his forehead. "If not by blood, then by bond. That's exactly why I don't believe you. Because I know you."

Her glare faltered, just for a second.

His voice sharpened "Because you're reckless. Because you throw yourself at every problem with fire and sarcasm and expect me to clean up after you. And one day, this seat—" he tapped the Hokage's desk, "—could be yours. But I need to know you won't drag the whole village down with you because you fell for a pretty face behind enemy lines."

Silence hung heavy between them.

Finally, he sighed and waved a hand dismissively. "You want blessings? Go ask your grandfather. Shoo, shoo. Don't disturb me here."

Hikari pouted, crossing her arms like a child caught stealing candy. She looked away, cheeks puffed, refusing to meet his eyes. "I—I already tried asking Grandpa for blessings! And he kicked me out. And he literally said—" she dropped her voice into a gravelly impression, "—'Don't irritate me, brat. Go irritate—cough—ask Hiruzen instead.'"

"Did you just admit to—"

"Nope. You're hearing things. Old age."

His eye twitched. "Hikari—"

"Anyway!" she clapped her hands, seizing control of the conversation. "Hurry up and give me your blessing! I need to show my hubby to Mikoto and Kushina. Imagine their faces when they see us together! They're going to be so jealous."

She cupped her cheeks, squealing, her entire body trembling with excitement. Ryuji shifted awkwardly, clearly overwhelmed by the hurricane of a woman he'd apparently pledged his soul to, but equally clearly too enchanted—or too stupid—to back out now.

And Hiruzen? He sighed. A sigh that carried the weight of wars, betrayal, paperwork, and now—apparently—his daughter's marriage to an enemy shinobi.

He stared at her, wondering where exactly he had failed. Had he neglected to teach her restraint? Common sense? Or had destiny itself simply decided to curse him with this impossible girl? 

Then he looked at the man again, at his too-handsome face, and irritation burned through him like fire.

He gestured sharply. "You. Out. I need a word with my… daughter."

Ryuji hesitated, but Hikari gave him a firm nod. With a respectful bow, he slipped out, the door clicking shut behind him.

Silence.

The room shifted, heavy and tense. Hiruzen and Hikari faced each other like two generals negotiating peace. She lounged in her chair, swinging one leg defiantly, while he sat straighter, his years pressing down like a mountain.

Finally, Hiruzen spoke. His voice was tired, but not without affection."I'll do what I can. I'll investigate the leaks. And yes—I'll look into that man of yours. But don't mistake my tolerance for acceptance. Until I know who he truly is, your so-called husband-to-be stays under watch. And so do you."

Hikari leaned back, smirking like she'd already won the war. "Good enough for me. See? You are candy inside."

He puffed his pipe, exhaled a slow stream of smoke, and muttered darkly, "More like poison wrapped in paper."

"Still sweet, old man," Hikari shot back with a grin.

Hiruzen closed his eyes, pressing his fingers into his temples. Dealing with Orochimaru was easier than this.

--

(A/N)

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