Chapter 129

TL: KSD

「When you work as a special cleaner, you end up thinking a lot about the job. What exactly is a special cleaner? It’s someone who cleans special things. That something is people.

So if you clean trash, you’re a cleaner, and if you clean special trash, you’re a special cleaner. This leads to the conclusion that people are special trash.

You might wonder who twists words like this, but for me, it was an interesting dilemma.

The truth is, I graduated with a degree in philosophy.

Studying philosophy made me think a lot, and studying philosophy led me to become a special cleaner. After learning how to think, I ended up doing a job that requires a lot of thinking, so in a way, I’m utilizing my major.

To get back to the main point, my conclusion about the validity of the term ‘special cleaner’ is this:

People are indeed trash. But they’re not special.

In summary, it’s a common pessimism.

There’s no dignity in the corpse of someone who died alone in a single room. Similarly, there’s no dignity in the relatives who neglected him all his life and then barge into the deceased’s home looking for anything valuable.

Whether alive or dead, people are just trash. And it’s hard to say they’re ‘special’ trash distinguished from other trash.

Of course, in front of others, I speak humbly. I always say I work with respect for the deceased, carefully sending them off on their final journey.

But that’s just because society expects me to say so, not my true feelings. My humanity has worn out in the grueling work.

Maybe that’s why I can’t appear on TV. The biggest success for a special cleaner is to be on TV or write a book. Only then do people start to respect you.

So, I’ve also tried to appear on TV and write a book, but it didn’t go well. Perhaps the story of a liar is too obvious.

But around that time, a thought suddenly occurred to me – isn’t my behavior of going around lying and proclaiming ‘I respect the deceased’ actually a longing for dignity?

After saying humans have no dignity whether alive or dead and are just unremarkable trash, I’m going around lying to become dignified myself.

What a clownish act this was.

While being deeply troubled by such thoughts, I happened to read a book. I found it during my work.

It was the home of a young woman who had hanged herself at a young age. Strangely, this book was written in the form of a handwritten note.

It was placed in such a perfect spot in the middle of the room that I wondered if it was a suicide note, but the writer was a man, not the woman.

So why did this woman leave another person’s writing in front of her before she died?

I couldn’t resist my curiosity and turned to the first page.......」

EP 8 – Dark Adaptation

“Ah, is it a frame narrative?”

“Yes. It feels like looking at the protagonist’s life from an observer’s perspective.”

Park Chang-woon is considered by the academic community to be a being composed of sugar, spice, and everything nice, with a bamboo flute and a modernized hanbok.

However, perhaps as retribution for someone from the liberal arts using a scientific term like ‘the academic community’s consensus,’ Mother Nature decided to utterly destroy my common sense.

Just as countless physics students’ papers become kindling every time a particle accelerator runs, Park Chang-woon appeared wearing clothes other than a modernized hanbok.

And to my surprise, he looked quite dashing.

“A special cleaner... It’s a job that’s become quite famous these days. It’s often on TV. A lot of people know about it. Wasn’t there a drama about it recently?”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“It probably aired. Anyway, it feels interesting.”

The literary award ceremony where I met Park Chang-woon was held at the convention center of a hotel in downtown Seoul. The venue exuded a banquet hall vibe. It was a place that didn’t quite suit me.

Journalists, writers, high-ranking officials from literary magazines, and people who looked like senior media personnel were wandering around the banquet hall in splendid attire, but Park Chang-woon stood out among them.

This was because these distinguished people bowed their heads to him.

“Ah, Minister.”

“Oh? It’s been a while.”

“Haha, it’s been a long time since we last met. Minister, why haven’t you shown your face around?”

“Minister, my foot. I was dismissed after a week, so calling me Minister repeatedly is just bullying.”

Even while sitting and talking with Park Chang-woon, numerous people interrupted to show their faces to him.

The titles they used to address Park Chang-woon constantly reminded me that our school’s eccentric teacher had once been quite famous.

“Oh, is this person that...?”

“Hello.”

To be honest, if it were someone else, I might have felt a bit bitter.

That feeling of ‘bitterness’ was the starting point of the incident.

While setting aside the award ceremony and chatting leisurely with Park Chang-woon, someone approached and joined our conversation.

“But why did you use a frame narrative?”

“Since the novel’s theme is quite dark, I thought it might be too exhausting for readers. So, I tried to create some narrative distance.”

“Wow, you write novels more methodically than I thought?”

“Actually, it also has a bit of homage to No Longer Human...”

“Do you like Osamu Dazai?”

The owner of the unfamiliar voice was another candidate at the ceremony.

In other words, like me, a novelist destined to be overshadowed by Gu Yubin.

The smiling novelist asked for permission after joining us.

“Oh, Writer Park Chang-woon. May I sit at this table?”

“Do as you please. I’m not the owner of this place...”

“Thank you.”

Without any self-introduction, the conversation continued straight away.

“Honestly, I don’t understand what’s so great about Osamu Dazai’s novels. Especially ‘No Longer Human’, which college kids always say is their favorite... It’s so strange.”

“......”

“It feels like people who try to imitate popular characters from dramas. Everyone seems to relate themselves to Osamu Dazai too much. Haha.”

The criticism of Osamu Dazai continued after that.

Somehow, I felt that this was a criticism of my attempt to pay homage to ‘No Longer Human’.

But as someone who had developed a certain degree of paranoia from a troubled childhood, I tried to continue the conversation cautiously to avoid bearing a grudge against an innocent person.

And it gradually became clear that it was not a misunderstanding.

The distorted psychology directed at me became more and more apparent.

“By the way, I guess Gu Yubin will win the grand prize, right? It seems everything was settled before the ceremony. Well, it’s easier for them too. She’s pretty, popular, and easy to sell...”

“......”

“It can’t be helped, I suppose. People making money off novels have to allocate resources to the well-selling ones. This time, that was Gu Yubin, and well...”

Though he spoke vaguely, he implied that Gu Yubin was winning the award for her looks and popularity.

And that was also directed at me.

Whenever I criticized myself or others criticized me, it was always said that I gained the image of a genius boy because of my age.

And this became even clearer with his subsequent meaningful words.

“It’s good to be young, isn’t it?”

“Hmm...”

As I reflected back, the most crucial realization I had was that selfhood was more important than worldly matters.

Things that exist outside of ‘me’ are illusions that can disappear at any time, and in the unknown world, the only certainty is myself.

This aligns with why I don’t accumulate wealth.

And it also means that I don’t have to be bound by social reputation.

So I didn’t hold back.

“I think I became famous because I write better than you.”

“...What?”

One surprising, or perhaps inevitable thing was that Park Chang-woon didn’t hold back either.

“Fucking bastard, have you gone crazy....?”

*****

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