ARC 7: CHAPTER 31: THEIR MONSTER

The Saint of Curses traveled on a walking tree.

It stretched out beneath the hut, which was contained inside the hollow at the top of its trunk, tucked securely into the embrace of branches thick as most ordinary trees. Its legs were roots, a dozen of them striding across the uncanny wilderness of the Wending Roads with an unnerving grace. It made strange sounds, that tree, almost whale-like. On occasion, I could hear similar calls answering from beyond an indistinct horizon.

I stood outside on a balcony. The “hut” was more like a large house, with multiple stories. I ran my fingers across the mossy railing, lost in thought. Only when the door at my back opened did I pull myself out of my own mind.

“Lias is resting,” Delphine told me. “Fever. Urddha says it’s because of the marks he’s wearing, not the wound you gave him. They’re hard on mortals, she says.” She hesitated and added, “They’re killing him. He doesn’t have much time left.”

I let out a breath. “And he wasted it waiting on me to come and finish the job. It’s like he gave up. That’s not like him.”

The former nun moved to the railing and turned to face the house, leaning against the barrier and letting her head fall back. I sensed she had something to say, and I didn’t much feel like talking myself, so I waited.

“What are you going to do?” She said at last.

My grip tightened on the rail. “He’s confessed all of his crimes, and I have my orders. I have to kill him.”

Delphine kept her eyes skyward. “Even after all that?”

“Especially after all that. He planned to open a door to Hell. Bleeding Gates, he planned to fuse himself with the god of all devils! If that’s not a maniac’s scheme, then I don’t know what is.”

“And yet, it would have changed everything.” Delphine folded her arms. “Changed the world. Our world, at least.”

I grunted noncommittally.

“Why not just let him die of his wounds? It would be easier for both of you. Less guilt.”

“That’s a coward’s way out. He wouldn’t want that.”

Delphine’s voice became sharp. “So he wants you to live with the memory of his head tumbling off under your hand? Is that the man you know?”

“I…” I took a calming breath. “Why are you trying to piss me off, Delphine?”

“I just want to understand your thoughts. And… I’ve decided not to kill you, so making you angry is my next best revenge. It’s petty, but I can be that.”

I made a small ah sound. Surprisingly, I felt a bit better at that admission. “I’m glad. I… regret our conflict, doctor.”

“Oh?” She lifted an eyebrow. “Do you?”

I nodded. “You did save my life, and that counts for a lot. I’ve been thinking about our conversation.”

I hesitated before saying more. Delphine’s eyes were sharp as they fixed on me, and the intensity of that stare and the uncertainty in my own mind stalled my words.

The door to Urddha’s hut creaked open, and the Onsolain’s voice hissed from within. “Inside. We must speak.”

Delphine was clearly frustrated, but I felt glad at the interruption. I wasn’t sure what I’d been about to say. She followed me into the main room without complaint though, and Urddha waited there. Lias lay on a cot in the corner, sweating through a bad fever and mumbling in his sleep.

If he dies in his sleep… I suddenly felt incredibly afraid. He’d never spoken to Rosanna after promising me he would. They’d never come to terms with one another, not after I’d tried to mend the bridge between them. If he died and they couldn’t speak again…

Shit. Why is this so fucking difficult? You’re supposed to be a hard man.

Urddha drew my attention away from the dying wizard. “You must make a decision.”

My heart started beating more rapidly. “I’m not sure—”

The Hagmother waved an impatient hand. “Not about the Magi! About Vicar, and the Zoscian, and this corpse cardinal in Baille Os.”

“…Oh. Right.” I took a moment to steady myself. “Of course, I’m going there. I need to try and stop them from opening this hellgate.”

Urddha raised an eyebrow. “The entire Crusade will be there. The King of Osheim, the Priory of the Arda, and many other knights and high ranking members of the Church. The Credo Ferrum will be there, who I shall remind you have summoned one of the Riders of Orkael to aid them.”

I nodded. “It’s long odds, but the way I figure it, I’m sanctioned by the Emperor. I can get into the city. Hell, I can probably get into the king’s castle easy enough. I just need to get close and get a shot at whoever’s holding that scroll.”

“And then what?” Delphine asked. “You can’t do anything with the scroll, and once you have it an army of devils will descend on you and rip you to bits. The crusaders probably will, too, because they won’t know what’s going on. You need an escape plan.”

“What you need is strength,” Urddha growled. “You are the Headsman of Seydis, and your name should have the weight to cow even the whole of an Orkaelin mission. That city should quake under your shadow. Your plan involves too many variables for failure, it is too bull headed and too mundane.”

“I’m not Onsolain,” I said in frustration. “But I’m not a wet nurse, either. Shock and awe are my best bet, they’ve served me well in the past.”

“But you can’t use your Arts,” Delphine blurted. When I wheeled on her, my face hardening, she gave me an apologetic look. “Vicar told me before he betrayed us. You’re just a man, Alken. A strong one, true, but you can’t use any of your battle sorceries right now.”

“Vicar knows you and will expect that tactic anyway,” Urddha said. “It will not work this time, especially when you are so weakened.”

“You’re also still injured,” Delphine reminded me. “You can heal fast, but I just cut part of your soul off when we did that exorcism and that’s slowing things down. You’re more or less mortal right now, Alken. I’m sorry.”

I threw my hands up. “Then what? I just give up? To hell with that.” I thought a moment and spoke more calmly. “I’ll warn the king, warn this cardinal. I don’t have to do this all alone.”

“The Cardinal has been utterly subsumed,” Urddha told me. “He will not listen, his mind isn’t his own. As for Kale Stour, he is a prideful man and one of his cities was just attacked by demons. The Zosite might not have him so completely as their other puppets, but they will have been whispering to him. Him and every other knight and priest there, to muddy their sense of reason. It will not be easy to get him to listen, and you can’t afford to risk sitting this out in a dungeon.”

I sighed in exasperation. “I can’t just do nothing.”

“What about Chamael?” Delphine asked. She hadn’t seen what had happened in front of Lyda’s Cathedral. “And all the other seraphim who were at Tol? Couldn’t they do something?”

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“What happened in Tol, anyway?” I asked.

“The Gatebreaker retreated,” Urddha told us. “He displayed what was left of Chamael on the spires of the cathedral and left. Many of his demons and mortal followers remained to cause havoc, but the knight Cyril Stour managed to push them back towards Kingsmeet. Reinforcements arrived by the end of the second day and helped deal with the remaining warbands in the countryside, though there may still be creatures lurking inside Tol.”

“Then the spirits who helped there can help us, right?” Delphine said insistently.

Urddha shook her head. “Those spirits were all sentries dwelling in the mountains and forests nearby. Heavensreach remains closed, and I have received no word. They acted because their brother was in danger and because of the demon lord, but they will not move against the Credo.”

“And why not?” I snapped. “Do they want to be conquered?”

“As I said before, Headsman, many of the original members of the Choir sympathize with the Zosite. They are frightened of Ager Roth and jaded with our lack of unity. The Choir cannot wage war without a unified decision. That is why we have you.”

“But he can’t fight.” Delphine saw my expression and winced. “Not against this enemy.”

“Can’t he?” Urddha studied me intently.

I shook my head, not sure what she was getting at. “I can’t use the Table’s Arts. I’m not sure why, but…”

“Don’t lie to me, boy. The Alder’s fire might not burn your tongue anymore, but I can still see the deceit crawling on your lips like worms.” She pointed a crooked nail at me. “You used the dead when you fought Yith Golonac. It gave you power.”

That she knew of that shocked me, but I made an effort to hide my reaction. “I was desperate. I don’t even know what I did.”

“You fueled the Alder’s fire with the angry souls who torment you. It was really quite ingenious, and to be honest I’m surprised you didn’t do it sooner.”

“Sooner!?” I stared at the immortal in disbelief. “What I did was wrong. It was blasphemous.”

“So is necrophilia,” Urddha said. “Yet that did not stop you from taking an undead paramour.”

I flinched. The Saint continued mercilessly.

“Do you even know where the Alder Table’s power comes from?” She asked me. “What that fire is made of?”

I shook my head. “The Elf King made it. It came from the land itself, from the power the elves had cultivated in Seydis and the rest of Urn.”

“It came from souls,” Urddha told me. “Surely you have guessed? The spirit of every elf who was part of the initial compact and every paladin bonded to it remains embedded into the Table’s essence. The elven spirits make it imperishable, and the mortal ones give it its fervor. That essence is echoed manifold through the Alder Knights, who are modified to be conduits for this power. It is why you are able to wield so many different techniques, what gives the power its potency. You were gifted your healing abilities to compensate for the strain. An ordinary mortal cannot wield magic that strong that frequently, not without destroying themself.”

Delphine was nodding. “Auratic Arts are usually used very deliberately. If an adept misses their technique or uses it clumsily, they don’t often get the chance to use it again. But I saw you fight in the Inquisition dungeons, you were imbuing every strike with aura. That is a rare strength.”

“Aura is the fire of the soul,” the Saint said. “Ghosts are ashes of that fire, lingering and still potent, waiting to be stoked again. Do the math.”

I had to walk away a moment, towards the open window and the breeze. A holy being had just told me that the sacred power I’d been entrusted with was necromancy. It wasn’t quite so bad as when Fen Harus elaborated on my magic’s nature, but I still needed a minute to process.

“You really are a witch,” I said when that minute had passed.

Urddha cackled. “Among the worst! And yet, I know what I speak of.”

“The spirits that inhabited the Alder Table all volunteered for it. They were sanctified. I believe that makes a difference. To use the wicked ghosts who follow me, or even the more benign ones drawn to what I carry… it feels wrong. I don’t want to become a monster.”

“Too bad,” Urddha said piteously. “You already are one. A useful monster, one that protects the land from worse ones. I told you I wouldn’t coddle you, mortal. It is time to accept this. We gave you this role to mold you into a new Power. Perhaps not a demigod or an angel, but the shadow of one. It is accursed, yes, but I am the Saint of Curses. They have their value. Even She understood that.”

A dry voice came from the corner. “You see what I was talking about? They’re all bastards.”

I glanced towards Lias, who’d woken on his cot. “You should be resting.”

“I can rest in Hell soon enough.” He sat up, had a fit of coughs that lasted too long, then spoke again in a pained rasp. He’d been stripped of his layered clothes, and I could see the heretical symbols cut into his flesh. They seemed to give off a bloody light.

“You don’t have to do what they demand of you, Al.” Lias’s mismatched gaze was intense. With his ruby eye and scars, he truly did look like a hellbound soul just then. “You can still choose. Don’t let them take that from you.”

“He knows it is no choice,” Urddha said dismissively. “To fade away with the scraps of his virtue intact and let the devils take their due, or to do what he must to fight? The answer is obvious.”

“This goes too far,” Delphine said. To my surprise, her voice shook with anger. “Urddha, I know you are divine and I am likely blaspheming by saying this, but fuck you.”

Urddha shrugged. “Deserved, I suppose. And the Magi is right, it is his choice. He knows the consequence for inaction.”

“Damn you,” Delphine said heatedly. “This is awful.”

“You could do something,” Lias spat at the Saint. “You could do anything besides hide behind us.”

“I am already doing something.” Urddha sounded exasperated. “I am placing useful mortals in a position to do what they must. If you don’t like it, blame the God-Queen. She’s the one who made these rules.”

“And you use that at every opportunity to your own advantage!” Lias all but roared. “Treating us like pawns on a board, playing with our lives, demeaning us, twisting us! We could be so much more, but you—”

He started coughing again. I stared at him in shock. I’d never seen the man display that much anger before.

Urddha was unmoved. She stared at me, waiting with an air of expectance.

Lias managed to get his coughing under control and spoke to me. There was blood on his chin. “You don’t need to keep being their fall man, Alken. You don’t have to be their monster.”

I’d never really felt his hatred for the gods, but in that moment I thought I understood it. I saw it in his eyes, both in the hellish one and his familiar moon green. It wasn’t just pride. He was afraid for me. I finally understood why he’d been willing to kill me at Rose Malin. He must have thought it was a mercy.

“Urddha is right. I am a monster, Li.” The corner of my lip twitched, though I felt no real humor. “I’ve spilled so much blood. That was true even before they got involved. I was Rose’s monster, remember?”

Lias let out a pained breath. “Oh, Al. She loved you. She thought she was sparing you from her when she sent you to Seydis.”

“Rosanna only ever does what’s good for Rosanna. I accepted that a long time ago. She sent me because I’d become inconvenient, then made up pretty excuses about it that even she believed after enough time.”

Lias just shook his head, at a loss for words. Funny, I thought. All three of us made ourselves into monsters. Or did we make them out of one another? Lias had modeled Rose into a bloody queen, then she’d made me her dragon, and we’d both turned a blind eye to what Lias was becoming.

I addressed Urddha. “How far are we from Baille Os?”

Urddha inclined her misshapen head. “A few hours.”

I’d suspected she was already bringing us there. Lias was right about one thing; they were very good at making it seem like we had a choice, but they did everything they could to compel us to make the one they wanted.

“One more question.”

Urddha nodded, her ancient face unreadable. “Ask.”

“The ghosts who follow me… how many of them did the Choir send? How long have they been trying to push me into becoming a devil?”

Urddha turned to her cauldron. “I started doing it the very first day. Others were more reluctant. There is risk involved, as you can imagine.”

Delphine’s face paled. “My God… how could you all? That’s evil.”

“A necessary one. That is what he agreed to.” Urddha stopped on the far side of her cauldron. “A devil to hunt other devils.”

I started to laugh. It was a muted sound, a rasping cackle without energy. Lias closed his eyes in exhaustion, despair writ on his face. Delphine watched me with open worry.

But I couldn’t help it. The irony was just too much. It took me a minute to get myself under control, and I couldn’t even bring myself to speak when done.

Urddha leaned over her cauldron. “Why balk at this? You already bring the dead with you wherever you go, why not put them to purpose?"

“Because they mean him harm!” Lias snarled. “He has spent every day resisting them since you forced this curse on him.”

“And that has value!” Urddha said insistently. “That battle has proven he has the strength to resist!”

“That does not excuse this!”

“Enough.”

My voice cut through the noise in the room. I hadn’t meant to, but some aura slipped out and made the word reverberate. Urddha nodded, looking pleased at the display of power. She spoke to me directly, her voice calm.

“You worry this will damn you, but it is what you do with power that defines the quality of your soul. Our God also shepherded the dead. They formed a concourse that spanned the length of kingdoms when She led them into this land. The souls who follow you want to be guided. It is up to you to decide where they are guided to. It does not have to be to Heaven, or even to salvation. Why not lead them to war?”

Lias threw one last bitter counter at the demigoddess. “That you would try to make this seem like a holy act is sick. Of all my sins, defying your kind is the one I do not regret.”

“Enough, Li.” I held up a hand. “Please. Enough.”

He started to speak more, but stopped himself and cursed under his breath, looking furious. I met the Saint’s gaze. There was no sympathy in them. Of every god I’d met, she did not hide her true nature.

And she was right. It wasn’t much of a choice.

I lifted my Aureate sword, showing the demigoddess its gilded hilt. In the blade’s polished surface, my own golden eyed face looked cast in molten light. “This is a knight’s sword. I need something for the Headsman.”

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