NEVRASWe had entered the Realm of Void again. Well, the first time for me, but anyway. And the others probably didn''t remember. Ambrosia had a Transport Coin probably from the last time she did this. Using it, she brought Bahamut over here in a protective sphere, and we bypassed many of the difficult sections from before. Bahamut returned back to New Earth after the item''s effect wore off, and it would probably take awhile to renew it. We were at the foothills of the Mountain of Fate.

    It was my first time on the Mountain of Fate. Ambrosia had to climb this alone the last time, and I could tell it had messed with her last time from the vision that I had witnessed in Heaven. The Mountain of Fate was not actually that tall, although it was covered with winding paths and switchbacks, with a couple of areas that looked like they might crumble away entirely, given a few more years of weathering. Thankfully, we didn''t have to do any real rock-climbing, because we had no equipment.

    We managed to make it to the top with some difficulty. As before, the others promised to head down. It was said that whoever made it up there had to face their greatest fears, and most who made the attempt were driven insane. Ambrosia had managed to stay sane last time, but the fact that she had to do it all by herself had changed her. This wasn''t happening this time. This time, I would be there.

    No, I didn''t see my evil self. Instead, I saw a vision, which I knew I would have to defeat, if I wished to be any help for Ambrosia. A mist came up around me. I did not see Ambrosia anymore, because I was inside the vision. It was likely this was a trial on the... I could not remember the mountain''s name. And then, details about... that girl began to fade from my mind. Then the vision took over.

    The room was well lit. I recognized it. I was inside Phoenix Castle. It was the day of my coronation. “Nevras, what are these?” Mother asked. She pointed out several pairs of stockings, some brassieres and panties, and a number of stylish dresses. She shook her head and scowled at me. “A king must be strong,” she said, “you have no time for fantasies. Stop pretending to be something you''re not! What you are doing is sick and wrong. It''s time to put an end to your fantasies.” And she pulled out a Fire Core. While flint and steel were the favored method of starting fires, in the relative absence of technology, aside from maybe using some kind of alchemy, fire elementals could be hunted for their hearts or Core. The Core of a fire elemental could be given simple commands like “burn” or “stop” and this is what she did. She laid all my secret clothes in a pile and commanded the Fire Core to burn them. The flames felt like they weren''t burning just my clothes, but the dreamlike quality of this suddenly shifted things. There was fire all around me. Her words floated in the air in the absence of her body, “I need you to be strong. A king takes responsibility for what he wants and needs, and is expected to make the right decision.” I felt as though I wasn’t essential. I felt like I wasn’t worth my crown.

    The vision repeated again, since I was unable to defeat it. And again. And again. I was stuck in an endless nightmare, becoming aware of what was happening only for a few brief seconds, and then my reality was replaced by the dream again.

    AMBROSIA

    I was on the Mountain of Fate again, but this time I was with Nevras, this time we were okay. Only, as I looked at him, he was obviously hallucinating. Strangely, right now, my evil self did not dare challenge me. “I want him to be alert and aware. I will not start your trial until his is done,” Evil Ambrosia said. I asked her, “What, you want to see me suffer?!?” She frowned, “You''re always misjudging me, Ambrosia. I am you, I want what you want. I am as attracted to him as you are. I''m the side of you that you''re afraid of. You understand why.” And suddenly, I too had a vision, only mine was a simple flashback.

    My new adopted mom had just started raising me, and I was upset. I was crying. Sometimes I would throw things or act out. My new parents were not like Manna and God, they weren''t simple folk living in the outskirts. Mom and my new mom had been classmates, this is how I managed to get adopted to these people.

    Private education was basically all there was, since the Council didn''t really do any public education. There were no teacher’s unions, and no truancy laws, so many children went uneducated. Education often ran on barter system, with poor kids giving the school eggs or milk. In some cases, the parents worked part-time as janitors or cooks. People understood that education wasn’t a given. Most people learned what they knew from being homeschooled. Others went to be apprenticed to a trade. Still others got educated by the nearby temples. If they had an excess of money and ambition to become someone of merit (such as a knight or court mage or a scholar), they were granted entry into the royal academy, provided their town had one.

    Mom''s parents lived in the church that she later inherited, and mined brimstone from the nearby quarry. Her mother''s throat was messed up from exposure to the sulfur fumes and she talked in a raspy voice. They worked hard so that a penniless girl got the best education. Mom and my other mother were from completely different worlds. While Manna would understand that I was sad and angry from my mom leaving me at this strange woman''s doorstep, my new mom was part of polite society. We had a reputation as the upper class to maintain. Those things were just not done, and it wasn''t acceptable to just wear your heart on your sleeve. Why, you might lose face!

    Suddenly it dawned on me. Why I was always so emotionally cold. Why I feared sex and intimacy. Why I didn''t want to say what I meant or act out too much. “You''re the part of me that I lost!” I said. She nodded, and started to approach me. This time, the merge felt different. I didn''t want to smash things. In fact, my first impulse was to head straight to Nevras who was still trapped in some sort of scary hallucination, and hold him tight. Now, I wasn''t sure that he could hear me, but I made sure to tell him, “Nevras, don''t let the illusion win! I love you! You''re worth it to me.”

    NEVRAS

    The vision continued to repeat. I was trapped in the same sad scene over and over again, forced into a position I didn''t want in the first place. And I forced to follow moral principles that seemed right, but were hurting my heart. I knew that crossdressing was weird and sick, I knew that I wasn''t “really” a woman inside, that I was just doing something I wanted. I knew all of this, but somehow the thought of settling into this life made me incredibly depressed, and felt hopeless.

    Victoria scolded me again. She burned my clothing again. I saw the fire all around me again. She told me again, “I need you to be strong. A king takes responsibility for what he wants and needs, and is expected to make the right decision.” Only this time, things were different. Because this time, I heard another voice calling out to me. “I love you,” the voice said, “You''re worth it to me.” I didn''t hear everything, but I could feel her love. Suddenly, the fire around me didn''t feel real. I thought of what my mother said. Although she kept accusing me of wrongdoing, she also kept telling me to be strong and to take responsibility for my decisions. Before, it would seem that she meant I should put aside my desires and become a king. But now I thought about it. Would a king who always did what he was told be considered a strong king? I mean, if I didn''t decide who I was in personal matters, what would stop some random lord from controlling my policy? Sure, what I did might indeed be wrong. But there were people who believed in me. The flames had disappeared, and then I saw my mom looking puzzled as the illusion began to fall apart. “You''re not my mother,” I declared, “my real mother is tough but she would never stomp all over my desires just to fulfill some duty! Who are you?”

    It was then I woke from my dream. I was being held tight in an embrace. Ambrosia, deadpan cold Ambrosia looked at me with love in her eyes. “I have to change something in my life,” said I, “I may be wrong, but this is what I want. I have been a crossdresser and I''m tired of hiding this from other people. It''s time for me to be open about myself.”

    AMBROSIA

    I must have looked puzzled. “What do you mean? I know about this side of you. So do Elias and Aqorm, from when we were in Shoten.” He shook his head, “There''s a difference between having a fetish of some sort, and coming to terms with it. I need to be strong, and if I want or need something, I need to take responsibility. That means, if I''m a crossdresser, I either need to give it up or come out to the people I know and bear any scorn they might give me.” He left for a few minutes, and when he came back, he had changed. His hair was neatly combed and styled, his face was made up, he wore breast forms, the Peach Dress I had given him, heels, stockings, and women''s underwear. He was gorgeous. I told him an excuse, “You know, Belial might kill us all when we meet him. So I think maybe we should ummm...” Actually, though, I just wanted to get into his panties. “You mean you want to...” he stopped as my intention dawned on him, “okay. I''m fine with that.” He tried to fumble with the back zipper of his dress, yet the zipper kept flopping. I stopped him, “I love you. Like this, too. Don''t bother with changing.”

    Nevras wasn''t just feminine in his dress, it was a side of his personality that he kept hidden. He was actually kinda shy and passive. It is not to say that these traits are wholly feminine, but rather as a person he was indecisive and trusted the opinions of others. He preferred following the rules of other people, some of them long dead. But the way he acted, he was not one to take initiative, he typically preferred to follow than lead. I had doubts of his future as a ruler, but I kept them to myself. He was becoming more willing to make his own decisions, as I saw today. Even so, he preferred to have someone else lead. I was happy to oblige, for I was a natural leader. I think.

    I started kissing him, my lips raw force against his tender mouth. I pulled him close with my right hand, and with my left hand I pulled down his black stockings and then his panties. He had tucked his crotch neatly, pulling his balls into a cavity just below his stomach as any real crossdresser knows to do, letting him conceal his penis and balls. From a standing position, once the panties no longer held everything in place and his legs opened, the testicles dropped back down and the penis rose. And rose. I pushed him over, using my strength and my skill from all my training. It seems like I was rough, but I did know what I was doing, so he managed to hit the ground of this mountain without, you know, splitting open his skull. I jumped on the ground with him, the view of the mountain all around me. From here, you could see the foothills and beyond to the Void Wastes, when the bright scenic view faded into dull grey. And yet, I wasn''t at all concerned with that view. I had something better right here.

    Pulling my own panties off, Nevras helped me unzip my dress. I sat up for a second and let it flop off, then reaching back and also pulled off my gray sports bra. It had traveled through Hell with me, so I was sure to wear it with me here. As we kissed passionately, I ordered him, “Suck my breasts.” Nevras, eager to assert his independence declared, “I don''t have to do what you say...” I was actually pleased he was speaking his mind for a change. But since I did want my breasts suckled, and I had to make him think I was displeased with him for now, I gave him my best “Slave, who told you that you could question me” look. He backpedaled, “But come to think of it, I kind of want to suck your breasts too. You see, I made that decision on my own.” Pfffft. I could tell who still wore the pants in this relationship.

    I unbuttoned the chest of his dress, while he suckled on my breasts. I gave him more commands, like rub my back, touch my feet, or reach his fingers inside of me. No, I''m not a sadist. He didn''t have to do any of these things, but I wanted to try to teach him the difference between following orders blindly, and wanting to do something because you also were happy doing it. He wisely refused to lick my boots or my ass. Neither of us wanted those things anyway. He instead massaged my back and my feet, which apparently made me moan in a sexy way, because he was all too willing after that.

    While he was touching me down there, I started sucking on his fake breasts. The New Earth is not advanced in most technology, but is very advanced in the field of chemistry through alchemy. Unlike silicon of the original Earth though, it was refined to look and feel like real breasts without tearing or leaking. It was reinforced with runes to bounce the same way, feel the same way, and stay on with no support. The problem, however, was that it still kinda tasted like silicone. Blehhh. I stopped sucking, and decided to suck on something else to clear my palate. I kissed Nevras then, then moved close and whispered in his ear. “Come inside me now,” I ordered Nevras, with my evil self in my voice as we were both in agreement, “I want your child.” This time, he obeyed without question.

    His manhood (womanhood?) was erect as he lay on the mountain hill. I opened my legs and thrust inside of him, and moved myself in and out in a fast rhythm being just gentle enough to not break his pelvis. What? I like sex a bit rough. Fifteen minutes turned into an hour, and it was the most pleasurable sex I ever had or probably was to have. He was a gentleman, he kept me satisfied for all that time, and I succeeded in my plan to have children. I honestly can''t get into much detail, as there isn''t much to it. I have no technique at all, so I basically hammered at him for a straight hour. If we were ever married, surely later I might learn to improve my technique, but for now I can say that he enjoyed it, for he stayed with me for the rest of our journey to stop Belial. At least, I hoped he enjoyed it, it did look like he was walking funny. After that, we sat and watched the sunrise. Before it got eaten up by the Void again.

    NEVRAS

    Actually, it was extraordinarily uncomfortable. But I loved her, not the sex. We put back our clothes on, and I walked down from the mountain fully prepared to endure odd looks for my decision to live a portion of my life as a crossdresser. Actually, as it went down, Michael somehow already knew (“God sees everything,” he said), Elias and Aqorm didn''t really need to adjust because they''d already seen me like that, Lilith was a demon and that apparently made her immoral, Azrael was more traditional but usually deferred to Zoe, and Zoe was completely cool with it. In fact, the only remark anyone made went along these lines: Aqorm told me, “You''re walking bow-legged. A lady walks like this. Or maybe this.” She demonstrated both a prim and proper way to walk, and a more sexy walk with my hips swinging. I told her, “I can''t do that.” She continued her questioning, “Why? I can teach you.” I explained that it''s not that I couldn''t learn, but that I couldn''t do it right now. The line or questioning continued back and forth until I blurted out that Ambrosia and I had just had sex, and my pelvis was hurting. Ambrosia, Aqorm, and I blushed from embarrassment.

    We walked in silence back through the Void Wastes. The Void no longer affected us, since the power of the Tao was passively shielding us. After a bit, Ambrosia muttered to me, “Why didn''t you tell me that you didn''t like how that felt? I would have held back if I''d known.” I told her, “I did like it. It''s just, I''m gonna be walking funny for a couple of days. It''s the roughest sex I''ve had like, ever, but I like rough women. Let''s just try to do this on a mattress or something next time. Between you and the rocks and stuff, my body is sore.” sea??h thё n?vel_Fire.ηet website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

    Ambrosia, being the natural leader and such, suggested, “So, last time we didn''t really get to visit all the towns here, and I can''t help feeling like we missed some crucial things. We should look around, and find out what we can here. Also, that tower over there is the Tower of Sorrow. Zoe, we should go there and have you master your ultimate weapon.” Everyone looked at her blankly. She corrected herself, “I mean, it feels like I''ve been here before. In a dream! Yeah, that''s it.” I''m not great at body language, but I feel like nobody believed her.