CHAPTER 864: CHAPTER 866: IN THE MIDST OF THE UNKNOWN

"I became a doctor because at the time there was no choice. Back then I was the eldest in the family, so I had to inherit everything from the family, including the medical skills passed down from our ancestors. So from a young age, I was required to learn various knowledge and go up the mountain to collect medicinal herbs. By the time I was twelve or thirteen, I was already a formidable young doctor."

"Actually, I can’t say I have a deep love for the profession of Chinese medicine. Maybe because I’ve been immersed in this environment since childhood, I later found that Chinese medicine has seeped into my bones, so I accepted that I was destined to be a doctor."

"But your second granduncle, who is my younger brother, didn’t have as many demands imposed on him by the family, so he chose to become a soldier. Later, he sacrificed himself in a battle; he had just come of age at the time. So, in one’s life, what you want to do, what you will experience, these are all predetermined."

"Perhaps now, when I tell you this, you wouldn’t believe it. You young people all think about things like controlling your own destiny and winning through hard work. But when you reach my age, you’ll find that humans are too insignificant and can’t contend with fate."

"So, I think the ancient saying is particularly wise: ’Do your best and accept destiny.’ What a great saying. We should strive to do everything well while we’re alive; the rest is up to heaven. Everything is predestined in the cosmic order." Grandpa also sat on the bed and said to Xiao Yifei.

Xiao Yifei listened with an understanding that was not quite clear. He didn’t really agree with Grandpa’s notion that everything was predestined. He knew that as long as he worked hard, he could get into his ideal university and then become a great doctor like Grandpa.

"Grandpa, I still don’t agree with what you’re saying. I believe as long as I work hard, there’s nothing I can’t accomplish in this world." Xiao Yifei propped his head against his hand and spoke to Grandpa.

Grandpa remained silent for a while, then said, "It’s right for you to think this way now. But when you reach a certain age, you’ll understand that what I’m saying isn’t wrong."

Sitting at his desk, Xiao Yifei recalled his late-night conversations with Grandpa. Now he somewhat understood that phrase, realizing that life indeed seems like this. Many things after entering society truly aren’t as he thought before, that hard work would definitely lead to success.

Probably only during student days was it possible for achievements to be made through effort. Back then, even without effort he could perform well. But now, with some things, even if he tried his hardest, there still wasn’t any change.

For example, curing a critically ill patient.

He sat in Grandpa’s room for a while, then went to his room, which had more items than Grandpa’s. There were some toys from his childhood, and a basketball that had long lost its air. In the desk drawer lay a pile of his certificates, now faded to a dull yellow, with the name Xiao Yifei barely recognizable.

He really didn’t know how he had earned so many certificates in the past. In primary and middle school, one just needed good grades to receive the "Outstanding Student" certificate. Each time he brought one home, Grandpa would treat him to something tasty.

He pulled out a box from under his bed, containing various odds and ends, like a slingshot Grandpa had made him. He kept these things well-preserved.

Inside was a photograph of their entire family, showing Grandpa and Grandma, Dad and Mom. Grandpa and Grandma sat in chairs, holding him in their arms, while Dad and Mom stood behind the two elders. He was smiling so cheerfully back then, his eyes disappearing in the smile. If only life could always be this joyful; how nice it would be.

This was the only family portrait they had, and the only picture with his parents. He initially wanted to tear it up, but upon reconsideration, he thought it was just a picture and couldn’t change anything.

Back then, his parents must have loved each other, seeing how close they stood together. But time changes everything. Xiao Yifei had seen many families where the couples lived together just for the sake of the children despite not getting along.

Though such a choice wasn’t ideal, it still kept the family whole. But he didn’t understand what deep-seated resentment lay between his parents, forcing them to divorce in those times and quickly start their own families thereafter.

At this moment, he deeply wished to turn back time to capture that scene in the photograph. As a child, he longed to grow up, and now grown-up, he realized there’s nothing great about growing up. The things he desired were unattainable, and the things he had were lost.

Grandpa and Grandma had long left this world. Dad and Mom had moved on with their individual lives, leaving him to live alone in solitude. What, then, was the point of his coming into this world? Xiao Yifei asked himself in a moment of inner pain.

He wanted to cry his heart out, feeling something trapped inside, intensely uncomfortable. But he realized he couldn’t cry anymore. Perhaps this was what they called the feeling of ’wanting to cry but having no tears’.

So he lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind void of thoughts, dazed. Just lying quietly like this for a while made him feel somewhat relieved. He then left his room, toured the other rooms, and after locking the door, headed to his second uncle’s house next door.

"Xiao Yifei, you’ve finished it so quickly? Why don’t we go out to eat? After dinner, are you planning to visit your Grandpa?" Second Uncle asked.

"Yes, if I don’t visit Grandpa soon, I suppose he’d be getting upset." Xiao Yifei replied.

The two of them walked onto the street. "Second Uncle, get in the car. Where do you think we should eat?" Xiao Yifei opened the car door for Second Uncle.

"You’ve been doing pretty well these past two years, to have bought a car." Second Uncle said enviously.

"It’s alright. I’ve become a doctor again. After trying various professions, I realized that being a doctor suits me best. with other jobs, I just felt like an idiot." Xiao Yifei said.

When he closed his clinic years ago, Second Uncle had advised him against it, but he still chose to leave. He didn’t expect to circle back to the medical profession again, feeling somewhat embarrassed as he spoke.

"Nowadays, it’s not easy to succeed in any occupation. Being a doctor is still a good choice. Seeing how accomplished you’ve become makes me rest easy." Second Uncle said.

This Second Uncle had watched Xiao Yifei grow up. He felt that it wasn’t easy for such a child to achieve so much now.

Xiao Yifei felt close to his Second Uncle, akin to a father, since he had barely felt paternal love. So, in his heart, he long regarded Second Uncle as his kin.

When young, he often played with Second Uncle’s daughter. His daughter was about the same age as Xiao Yifei, and many times, Xiao Yifei stayed for dinner at their house before heading back to his.

Watching Second Uncle intimately embrace his daughter, he too wished for Second Uncle to hold him, but he never voiced this desire. However, Second Uncle often patted his head and frequently praised him for his good academic performance.