CHAPTER 875: CHAPTER 877 A SENSE OF POWERLESSNESS

Shi Miaomiao walked into the dark room alone, turned on the light, and couldn’t help feeling sad. She hadn’t expected the path she’d chosen to be like this. It was fine at work, but this sense of loneliness that came every time she returned home was something she couldn’t easily shake off. It felt like a black hole tightly gripping her, dragging her into the Abyss.

In this city, her true friends were only Xiao Yifei and Tang Rong, but now that the two were together, she felt it was inappropriate to bother them every time. She understood such situations were normal, but every time she was alone, she couldn’t help feeling a sense of melancholy. She had the thought of going home more than once, questioning the purpose of her persistence in this city.

After all, apart from honing an increasingly resilient heart, she might gain nothing else. Besides, her parents only had her as a child, and they were already getting old. It had been a month since she’d last visited them, so she called her parents. There’s a saying: you think of home when you’re tired, and you think of someone when you’re lonely. The only ones Shi Miaomiao missed now were her parents.

Her last relationship ended two years ago; they say graduation season is breakup season, and she couldn’t escape this saying. They had been together for three years, and from the beginning, she had prepared for the breakup. But when that day finally came, the heartache kept her from sleeping every night. For the first time, she realized how sweet it was to be together, and how painful it was after breaking up.

So, she didn’t dare to start another relationship lightly now. If there was another breakup, that feeling would be too unbearable.

"Mom, how are you guys doing lately? Have you eaten?" Shi Miaomiao asked after dialing the number.

"We’ve eaten. Your dad and I are doing especially well. When are you coming back? Cough, cough..." her mother replied, coughing a few times.

"Mom, why are you catching a cold again? Have you taken medicine? Go to bed early tonight and cover yourself with a thick quilt," Shi Miaomiao instructed, wishing she could return home right then upon hearing her mother’s cough.

"It’s nothing, just a slight cold. You don’t need to worry about me," her mother said.

After hanging up, Shi Miaomiao lay on the bed and cried. How useless she was; her mother was sick and she wasn’t by her side. Once again, she pondered the thought of working back home, feeling helpless each time she couldn’t be with her parents.

She suddenly remembered her childhood dream of finding a job that would take her around the world, hoping for a different kind of life. But now, only a few hundred kilometers from home, she couldn’t bear the loneliness. Maybe she was just too idle; with nothing to do but work, her free time became dull.

Shi Miaomiao started watching American dramas; recently, "Vampire Diaries" had new episodes. What she envied most about the show was their Undying Body. In that way, time seemed to stand still for them, a few hundred years passing as a day, a thousand years as mere moments. They didn’t need to worry about making a living and could do what they liked.

If only I were a vampire, Shi Miaomiao thought naively, then I could always be with my parents and not worry about having money.

But returning to reality, reality always hit her with a cold blow. She understood that brooding over the past wouldn’t help. However, sometimes such melancholy, once it started, couldn’t be stopped. She wanted to always be happy, to be the joyful figure everyone saw.

She remembered watching the movie "Léon," when the little girl asked Leon, "Is life always this hard, or just when you’re a kid?" Leon replied, "Always this hard." Perhaps everyone had their low moments; everyone longed for home. Thinking of this, she felt less miserable.

So she ran to the kitchen, made a bowl of fried rice with the leftover rice, and ate while watching a show. Since she couldn’t change her situation, she decided to enjoy it happily instead. After eating, Shi Miaomiao didn’t feel as bad.

They say the stomach and heart are close; when the stomach is full, the heart is less lonely and cold. So, when sad, it’s good to have something delicious.

After ten at night, Tang Rong and Xiao Yifei returned. As soon as they were back, the home became much warmer, and Shi Miaomiao was no longer sad.

"Miaomiao, do you have any plans for tomorrow? If not, let’s go out and play, just the two of us," Tang Rong asked as soon as she entered.

"It’s not often that Sister Rong has time, so of course I’ll go," Shi Miaomiao said happily, as she had planned to spend the day watching shows at home.

Tang Rong thought that being alone in the city must be lonely for Shi Miaomiao, with no friends or family around. Ever since she and Xiao Yifei were together, she hadn’t spent much time with Shi Miaomiao.

Even with a boyfriend, one mustn’t forget their good sisters.

At this moment, Shi Miaomiao felt that living in this city didn’t seem so unbearable. All the unhappy days were only because she was alone. She remembered Xiao Yifei had studied abroad, and his loneliness might have been even greater.

"Sister Rong, may I chat with Brother Xiao for a while? It won’t take long," Shi Miaomiao asked.

"Go ahead, why are you asking my permission for such a thing? From now on, Xiao Yifei is yours!" Tang Rong said cheerfully.

Tang Rong knowingly returned to her bedroom.

"Brother Xiao, did you feel lonely when you were abroad?" Shi Miaomiao asked.

"Of course, and it was the kind of loneliness that couldn’t be dispelled. There weren’t any familiar Chinese people there, so I often attended classes, meals, and entertainment alone. Why ask suddenly? Do you want to study abroad?" Xiao Yifei asked.

"No, I just wanted to understand a bit," Shi Miaomiao didn’t mention how boring it was being alone here; she felt it would be embarrassing to admit.

"Actually, when lonely, just find something to do. Once you’re occupied, you won’t overthink. That’s what I did back then because I was alone when I returned to the dormitory, so I spent my days in the laboratory. At least there was someone to talk to in the lab. Back in the dorm, I’d read books or something, and the day would pass this way," Xiao Yifei said, reminiscing about the past with a strange sense of nostalgia.

The old days were monotonous yet so innocent. The primary task back then was to learn and do experiments. Unlike now, once stepping into society, everything was no longer simple. Besides a busy work schedule, making time for social formalities and guarding against troublemakers was necessary.

A new week began, and Xiao Yifei drove to work full of hope. Although nothing particularly joyful happened, maintaining a positive attitude was still important. Yet, he couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling, as if something was wrong.

He recalled a dream he’d had, where Sun Xingyao warned him to behave, or else face consequences. It must have been due to the recent commotion over the Zheng Peng incident. Xiao Yifei calmed himself, telling himself that dreams are often the opposite of reality. So today must be a lucky day, Lin Mu reassured himself, although he still felt something was off.