CHAPTER 42: THOUGHT BUBBLES

The fields smelled of saffron due to the saffron crocus flowers, mixed with some roses, myrtles and anemones.

Pinks and purples...

Like Aphrodite’s hair and eyes. His soft pink locks fall gently just above his shoulder blades. His purple eyes shine like amethyst despite his morose expression.

Hermes cleared his throat as he noticed that the silence between them had overstayed its welcome once again, venturing into the awkward territory.

"What did you want to tell me, Aphro?" He prompted gently.

Aphrodite opened his mouth, then closed it again. Hermes found his hesitance painful to watch.

Finally, he said something. But it might as well be a whisper:

"I... I apologize."

Hermes cocked his head closer to make sure he heard correctly. "Hm?"

"I apologize." Aphrodite repeated with no further explanation, biting his lower lip.

Hermes frowned. "Why are you apologizing?"

His childhood friend gripped the grass beneath them tightly.

"I know what you are... Even before."

Hermes’ eyes widened. But he let Aphrodite continue, since he seemed to have much to say. If he interrupted him, he might get even more discouraged than he is now.

"I watched all the tapes that my mother recorded. And... I also knew it from them."

"Did they tell you about me?" Hemres asked.

Aphrodite shook his head.

"They didn’t tell me anything. But I knew. Because I heard them."

"You eavesdropped on them discussing it or something?" Hermes concluded.

His former friend shook his head again.

"Hermes... I’m not normal."

Hermes immediately went ’defend my friend’ mode. "Hey, that’s not true! Don’t ever think that just because of your condition! You are perfect the way you are—"

"No...." Aphrodite turned to him, his eyes glassy. "I was never normal. I was born without a male genital, so the doctors thought I must be female. Then, as I grew older, I started feeling like I don’t belong in my own body. I like the feeling of wearing dresses, but..."

His eyes lowered. "I feel like I am supposed to be ashamed of wearing them. Because you were ashamed once when you were made to wear a dress for a play. I thought I should be too."

He continued to recount all instances where he had this strange intuition of his gender. "One time, we were roleplaying as heroes. I called myself Mr. Rose. It felt right, being a man but still sophisticated and fond of things like flowers."

Hermes smiled as he recalled the memory. "Yeah... You wanted to be a guy hero in a pink suit that can summon flowers and make everything beautiful."

"Yes... I always felt ugly." Aphrodite sighed. "Even when everyone called me pretty. I couldn’t stand looking at my reflection. I felt like I was looking at a monster.... A beautiful monster, but still a monster."

Hermes placed his hand above his to let him know that he understands that feeling.

"I start to think about many things. About how beauty is perceived to be just for soft and feminine things. So I started to admire the beauty of the ’ugly’ things... Like that mosquito stain on the wall or dirt under my nails."

He furrowed his brows. "Thinking about the most random things... They help me quiet down the voices. To see only what is in front of me."

Hermes echoed: "Voices? Like... Your conscience? Or self-hatred?"

Aphrodite turned to him with a guilty expression. "No. These voices are not my own. They appear like bubbles or foam above water... And the words in people’s minds appear."

Hermes’ eyes widened. "You... You can read thoughts?"

That explains so much.

Why Aphrodite can be so perceptive, why he knows things without people telling him, and...

Why he chooses to isolate himself. It must be overwhelming constantly seeing and hearing what other people were thinking.

Aphrodite sniffled, but tried to remain composed. "I didn’t want to tell anyone because I know everybody would hate me for it. I am invading their privacy without meaning to. I know their secrets... And if I was in their shoes, I would feel unsafe around me too."

Hermes gripped his hand tightly. "But that’s not fair! It wasn’t your fault that you have this ability."

Aphrodite lowered his eyes. "Even so... I must pay the price for being born with it. You also think the same way about your origins."

The flowers swayed as a breeze blew from the direction of the rift.

Hermes then said:

"I know this may sound obnoxious but... What am I thinking now?"

Aphrodite looked at him, focusing on the thought bubbles forming just above Hermes’ head. "You are thinking about your fight today... I can see it. It’s blurry but... You were in a fight with a villainess. A human... She said something that really bothered you. Something about..."

His expression turned sad.

"She told you about her life. How her abilities had become a curse to her... But also a way for her to find the home she had been looking for. You feel bad for her."

Hermes nodded.

"Keep reading my thoughts. There’s... There is a lot more you should know."

Aphrodite nodded. "I see... You learned about how far your ability can go by accident. Through a..."

He faltered, losing his composed appearance for a bit.

"A kiss."

He continued on. "Since then, you have gained allies and understanding of your ability. But you are still torn... Still grappling with where you truly belong. There’s so much in your mind."

He touched Hermes’ head. "It must be painful."

Hermes touched his hand. "It must be painful for you too, being forced to know other people’s pain..."

Aphrodite immediately let go as if his hand was made of fire. "I... I am used to it. It’s fine—"

"Aphrodite. You know what my most prominent thoughts are." Hermes insisted. "Yet you didn’t say them. Are you scared?"

Aphrodite looked away, leaning back slightly. "You... You don’t have to do it..."

"But I want to." Hermes leaned closer. "Are you scared because... Of what we have to do for it to happen? Or are you scared of me reading your thoughts?"

"B-Both..."

Hermes pushed his hair back. "I won’t force you. But I want you to experience being able to live life just hearing your own voice in your head. I want you to experience being understood instead of always understanding others. Even just for a moment."

He leaned closer.

"So... Can I kiss you and steal your ability?"