CHAPTER 34: SAFE SPACE

Chapter 34: Safe Space

"Am I alive?" A small mutter escaped Danielle’s lips when she was staring at the ceiling.

She moved her head to the side and saw Theo sitting beside her, asleep in a hospital chair.

His head laid back slightly, and a bruise was still visible across his jaw.

His hands were folded tightly.

Forgetting her own pain, Danielle’s heart felt like it was being shattered by a hammer.

Danielle reached out weakly, wanting to touch his hand. But then she stopped halfway...remembering the forest and blood, her fear, and Ethan’s voice still coming into her head.

She remembered Theo’s arms around her, the way he carried her like she was made of glass.

He had saved her life again...

Her throat tightened. ’He saved me... even though his brother is the monster who hurt me...’

Theo stirred slowly, and his eyes opened finally. They were tired, lined with sleepless nights, but still that same pale blue she had come to depend on.

"You’re awake," he muttered quietly and calmly, but his eyes gave away a strange broken vibration.

Danielle tried to smile. "You stayed."

"Of course I did."

She looked at him closely. There were shadows under his eyes, bruises on his knuckles. "You didn’t sleep, did you?"

He gave a small shrug. "Didn’t feel like it."

Silence filled the room for a moment.... And to Danielle, the sound of rain outside seemed louder now.

"Theo," she hushed, "Ethan... he’s your brother."

Theo’s lips parted away, but Danielle could see that tense jaw. Theo didn’t say anything, maybe he was just trying to come up with the right words since he too was worried what exactly did she know about him?

When he finally did, his words sounded so hollow. "I know what he is. And I hate him for what he’s done to you."

Danielle’s chest stung at the way he said you. There was guilt in his tone, a guilt she didn’t understand.

"You saved me," she replied gently. "You found me when no one else could."

But Theo didn’t look proud or relieved. He looked sick. He rubbed a hand down his face and turned away from her.

"You shouldn’t thank me. I didn’t stop it soon enough."

"You did everything-"

"No." His voice cut the air softly. "If I had done everything, you wouldn’t have those marks on your wrists. You wouldn’t have to run to your freedom in that forest. You wouldn’t have looked so afraid when you saw me."

Danielle frowned. "I wasn’t afraid of you."

Theo shook his head, and bit his lower lip. "I’m the same blood as him. The same face. The same name. When I look at you, all I see is what he did to you. And it makes me sick."

He stood up suddenly, as if being close to her hurt too much. His body tensed like every muscle was begging him to walk away.

"Theo..." Danielle called for him softly, sounding fragile.

He looked at her for very shortly. His eyes were full of anguish...but it wasn’t for her. It was for himself.

"Theo?" Danielle sat up and tried to reach his hand, but he shoved it away from her.

"Don’t touch me, please...not...when it’s so wilthy..."

Danielle’s eyes filled with tears in less than a second, ’filth? Am I filthy because of what Ethan has done?’

But Danielle didn’t know that Theo was disgusted by himself after that night...He didn’t want Danielle Danielle to touch him...

’I want to touch him...’

She tried again, voice was like a shatter of the glass.... "If you don’t want my fingers to touch your skin," she whispered, "should I just... just wear gloves?"

Theo stopped in place. His shoulders stiffened. He turned toward her, shocked. "What?"

Her eyes were so wet. "You keep stepping back every time I reach for you. You won’t even hold my hand. You look at me like I’m something evil or so dirty. Is that what I am to you now?"

Theo’s chest rose and fell fast. "No...Never."

"Then why won’t you let me near you?" she cried, and her shoulders started shaking. "You saved me, Theo. You made me feel safe again, and now you won’t even look at me without flinching."

He pressed his palms to his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe...

"Because when you touch me," he said, "I remember Ethan’s hands...I think of his cruelty. I remember that I share his blood, and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing that someone with my name hurt you."

Danielle felt her throat tighten.

He looked at her then, and his eyes were glassy with pain. "I’m supposed to protect you. But when I see your scars, I see my failure. I see every moment I wasn’t fast enough."

Danielle swallowed hard, tears running quietly down her cheeks.

"But I don’t see him when I look at you," she muttered slowly. "I see you, Theo. I see the man who found me in the rain and carried me when I couldn’t move. The man who stayed all night beside me. You’re not him."

He shook his head, still struggling with his words. "You don’t understand, Danielle. My hands will always remind you of what he did. My skin will always carry the same blood...you should just fire me..."

"No..."

"You don’t want me, bunny..."

But Danielle couldn’t stop needing him. Theo was the only safe place she had left in the world.

Her lip trembled. "Then I’ll wear gloves if the touch of my skin disgusts you. But don’t take yourself away from me..."

Theo looked at her with something breaking behind his eyes. Slowly, he moved closer, one step at a time, until he was standing beside her bed again.

He reached out, "you could never disgust me...not you."

Danielle closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, letting the warmth of his hand calm her heart.

Theo brushed his thumb gently under her eye, wiping away a tear. "I’m sorry...For everything. For being him in name. For not saving you sooner. For not being enough."

Her voice came small but strong. "You are enough."

Theo didn’t answer. His throat moved, but no words came out. He sat back in the chair again, looking exhausted.

"Why did Ethan attack us in the first place, Theo?"

"Because he won’t let me rest until one of us actually dies..."