Everything hurt.

That was the first coherent thought to surface through the grey fog. Not specific pain, just... everything. Like his entire body had decided to go on strike.

Sounds came next, muffled and distant, as if his ears were stuffed with cotton. His own breathing, echoing strangely.

He tried opening his eyes, immediately regretted it, and settled for cataloging what he could without moving. Cold stone pressed against his back. The air felt... old. Stale. His mouth tasted like he'd been licking a copper pot.

Who... was he?

The thought drifted lazily through his mind. He should probably know that. Important detail, really. Name. He had one of those.

Adom. Right. He was Adom.

Good start. Progress.

What else?

Mage. That felt right. Something about... research? Books? His head throbbed when he pushed too hard at the memories.

The copper taste in his mouth was getting worse. He tried swallowing, which led to coughing, which led to his body remembering it could move, which led to every muscle screaming in protest.

"Ow," he managed, his voice raspy and strange in his ears. "Ow, ow, ow."

He forced his eyes open again, blinking at the dim... ceiling? Stone. Definitely stone. Carved with some kind of pattern he couldn't quite focus on.

Pattern. Stone...s... snake?

The memory hit him like a bucket of ice water. The treasure chamber. The gold. The giant stone snake that had-

Adom bolted upright with a strangled gasp, heart hammering. "It ate me!" he wheezed. "The door ate me!"

His vision swam from the sudden movement, and he braced himself against the floor, trying not to be sick as the memory of stone jaws and white light played behind his eyes.

Memory entanglement. A common consequence of bad dimensional travel. Another reason to hate portals. Because that snake was definitely one.

"Right. Right." Adom pressed his palms against his eyes, forcing himself to breathe slowly. "Assessment. I'm alive. That's... that's definitely step one covered. Good job, me."

He lowered his hands, taking proper stock of his surroundings. The chamber was roughly circular, maybe thirty feet across. Natural cave formation, but with signs of deliberate shaping - the floor had been smoothed, and there were what looked like drainage channels cut into the stone.

Phosphorescent moss provided a soft blue-green light, clustering around several crystalline formations that jutted from the walls. The air was cool but not cold, with a slight mineral taste.

"No immediate threats," he muttered, continuing his inventory. "Two passages leading out. One with a sort of spiral rune, one with none. Some kind of ventilation system - there's airflow. Plant growth, so there's enough moisture and..." He squinted at a patch of what looked like miniature silver ferns. "...nutrients? Those shouldn't be able to grow underground unless..."

Adom's eyes tracked across the chamber. Moss, crystals, unusual flora, small pile of broken machinery, grumpy leprechaun, two other paths, more crystals-

Wait.

Grumpy what?

His head snapped back so fast his neck cracked.

On his right, sitting cross-legged on a crystal outcropping, a leprechaun was watching Adom with mild interest.

His clothes might have once been the traditional greens and golds, but years of apparent wear had reduced them to a uniform grey.

His hair and beard were a wild mass that would have made any self-respecting bird reject it as too chaotic for nesting material. There was what looked like a small gear being used as a hair tie, a worn out hat and a small bag at his waist. From the looks of it, a very old dimensional bag, since it had a rune on the exterior.

"How're you doing, lad?" The Leprechaun said.

"..."

Adom's brain briefly considered shutting down again, or at least reassess. Illusions were not a symptom of bad dimensional travel.

The leprechaun's bushy eyebrows furrowed. "Well, that's just rude, that is. If you're going to be one of me hallucinations, least you could do is answer when spoken to. Basic courtesy, even for a figment."

"I'm not-" Adom started, then paused. "Wait. Your hallucination? You're clearly my hallucination. I'm the one who just got eaten by a stone snake."

"Oh, this one's got some spirit!" The leprechaun brightened, adjusting the gear in his hair. Two more gears dropped from that somehow. "Been ages since me mind conjured up something with actual personality. Usually just get the quiet ones who stand there looking confused. Boring, the lot of them."

"I'm not a hallucination," Adom said firmly. "I'm a real person who just had a very bad day involving magical security systems and questionable life choices."

"That's exactly what a hallucination would say," the leprechaun countered, wagging a finger. "Besides, no real person could get past the snake. I've been here..." He squinted at nothing in particular. "...a fair while."

"The snake ate me. I did not come here willingly."

"Likely story. Next you'll be telling me you're not just a manifestation of me loneliness and deteriorating sanity."

"I am absolutely not a-" Adom stopped. "Hang on. How long have you been down here?"

"Time's a bit fuzzy," the leprechaun admitted, scratching his beard. Several small cogs fell out. "Lost count after the first few centuries. Or was it decades? The moss has grown seventeen times, or maybe seventy. Hard to tell when you're going mad."

"You're not real," Adom declared. It was likely just another effect of the dimensional travel messing with his head. "You're just my brain trying to process trauma through increasingly bizarre imagery. I mean, look at your hair."

"Me hair?" The leprechaun looked offended. "Says the one dressed like..." He gestured vaguely at Adom's robes, clearly struggling to find the right words. "...whatever you're supposed to be."

"These are standard Academy robes."

"Well, they look ridiculous. Like something a confused rainbow would wear."

"This is ridiculous. I'm arguing with a hallucination about fashion."

"No, I'm arguing with a hallucination about fashion."

They glared at each other across the chamber.

"Right," the leprechaun announced, hopping down from his crystal. "Only one way to settle this."

Before Adom could react, the ancient fae darted forward with surprising speed and pinched his arm. Hard.

"Ow!" Adom yelped, jumping back. "That hurt!"

They stared at each other in mutual surprise.

"Huh," the leprechaun said finally. "You're real."

"Of course I'm real. I've been saying that for- wait." Adom reached out and poked the leprechaun's shoulder. His finger met solid resistance. "You're real too."

"Well," the leprechaun said after a long moment. "This is awkward."

"...So," Adom said slowly, rubbing his pinched arm. "You've been trapped here since... whenever. And I just got swallowed by a stone snake. Any chance you know the way out?"

This was probably a stupid question. Since the Fae was still there. But it just came out of his mouth, for reasons unknown. Probably panic.