CHAPTER 264: CHAPTER 261 WAITING FOR YOU

Xie Liangchen finished speaking and did not get a response, so she looked at Song Xian in confusion.

Song Xian’s eyes looked clearer than usual, and when he smiled, the corners of his eyes slightly tilted upwards, adding a touch of vividness to his usually cool and aloof phoenix eyes.

Song Xian said, "Last year when I saw you watering the crape myrtle by the window, I knew you liked crape myrtle."

Xie Liangchen did like crape myrtle, but that was because...

Song Xian said, "It’s because on those two plots of mountain land left by your father, the crape myrtle flowers are the most abundant, right?"

Xie Liangchen showed an expression of surprise on her face; he even knew this?

Song Xian said, "Every time we finished talking in the east room and walked out, you’d subconsciously look, hoping for those crape myrtle flowers to bloom."

"So when I was in the Capital City, I thought I couldn’t miss these crape myrtles."

"I also wanted to ask you, when you see the crape myrtles bloom and feel happy inside, if you thought of me."

Xie Liangchen’s heart raced chaotically, she tried to ignore the strange feeling inside her.

Song Xian said, "I did."

Xie Liangchen wanted to interrupt Song Xian.

Song Xian said, "I wanted to pick a good time, once news of your father and mother came, after reclaiming the Eight States, so you’d have fewer worries, then I’d speak up."

"But it has been too long, this thought has been spiraling in my mind for too many days, and when you’re willing to speak a few more words to me, willing to trust me a bit more, I simply can’t hold back."

"Actually, I should have thought more."

Xie Liangchen said, "Master, you should think more. Just like many herbs look beautiful but are poisonous. Sometimes you can’t make a choice based just on a thought. Because once you choose, you have to accept all the results that follow."

"In my past life I didn’t refuse the Su Family’s marriage contract, only based on Su Huaiqing saving my life and properly sending me back to the Xie Family, did I think perhaps Su Huaiqing was a suitable match for me.

"After Su Huaiqing had an accident, when the Su Family came to take me, I also thought I couldn’t resist, perhaps leaving Uncle’s house this way wasn’t the worst outcome."

"But in fact, it was only after arriving at the Su Family that I realized all those choices were wrong. Had I stayed in my past life with my grandmother, perhaps I could have saved her, or at least known those secrets about my lineage, not letting my brother bear it all alone, and ultimately gaining such an outcome."

In this life, Xie Liangchen considers carefully with each choice whether she can bear all the consequences afterward.

Every business transaction, every step she takes with the Chen Family Village, she deliberates repeatedly, but not everything can be controlled. She dislikes this feeling, and her heart feels uneasy.

"I know," Song Xian gazed at Xie Liangchen, now without the need to hide, his gaze seemed to carry warmth, "but that’s not what I’m saying. When I say I need to think carefully, it doesn’t mean contemplating over and over, finally confirming my feelings, then coming to see you."

"I don’t need to make those futile efforts to realize I only have eyes for you, only find joy in you."

Although she was prepared, hearing Song Xian calmly say such words, Xie Liangchen’s mind went blank for a moment, her fingers curled up, and it seemed her whole being, from sweat to hair, was pulsating with her heartbeat.

Song Xian said, "Not seeing you makes me miss you, seeing you brings me joy, but as time stretches, it feels inadequate, always thinking we should be closer. Every time you mention the Su Family, there’s an inexplicable anger, hatred toward the Su Family and Su Huaiqing, not because Lady Su’s brother colluded with the Liao people."

"It’s because in your past life, you married Su Huaiqing, you were Granny Su, even though he has died, you are still his widow. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache, like something’s pulling at it in pain. I’m afraid you’ll accept Su Huaiqing out of habit, even though you ended the marriage contract with the Su Family early on, I still feel restless."

"I’m clearly hurting but can’t show too much, caring deeply for you but yet unable to get too close, afraid if you discover it, you’ll grow distant without understanding."

There was no one else around; Chang An and Chang Yue walked away in the distance, so Song Xian could speak without concern.

He said in a low voice, "In the past life, I never had feelings for a person, not even for a moment, so I don’t need to think much to know this is not a passing thought, especially since I’ve felt this way for a long time."

"When I say I need to think more, it’s about how to tell you this, how to act for your best interest."

Xie Liangchen wanted to say something but didn’t know how to begin.

Song Xian said, "Have you ever thought about why you brought me here?"

Xie Liangchen shook her head, "Maybe it was a coincidence."

"It’s not a coincidence," Song Xian just looked at Xie Liangchen, "Every person facing the moment of death actually knows clearly in their heart, what were you thinking at that moment?"

Xie Liangchen didn’t hesitate, "My brother."

Song Xian nodded, "For every living person, at the end, there’s always someone or something they care for the most, that they cannot forget. After you pulled me back, I too faced the fear of death, but nothing was in my mind at that moment."

"It’s not that I didn’t have people to care about or worry over, there’s Cheng Yanzhao and the household general, thousands of soldiers and countless people paving the way for my future. I was like this because I had no attachment to this world, I had long grown weary of it, I’m constantly moving forward not because I like it, but because it’s calculated that it’s the best course of action."

"If life requires calculation to continue, then at the end, indeed, there will be no longing."

"Having gone through it once, I know all too well the feeling of being engulfed in darkness, having tasted the chill all over the body, when there’s light beside me, I won’t mistake it."

"I will find ways to grasp it, I will pull myself out of the darkness."

"Once feeling warmth, one would want to stand in the sunlight, so Liangchen, I’ve long thought it through, when you told me those things, it wasn’t about making a choice for me, but because of you."

Xie Liangchen said, "Perhaps... that’s true!"

Song Xian’s eyes brightened slightly, "So you did have such a thought, right? But haven’t figured it out yet, afraid of making hasty choices like your past life."

Xie Liangchen was slightly stunned, not expecting Song Xian to be so insightful.

Song Xian smiled, "You know your own heart, I won’t force you, you can take your time to think. I often complained to my mother why she didn’t think it through before marrying Song Qizheng, perhaps she wouldn’t have faced later suffering, not seeing clearly, indeed one shouldn’t entrust their lifetime."

"But you needn’t be afraid, you are not the past life’s Xie Liangchen, and I am not Su Huaiqing, I won’t abandon you, nor let others manipulate you by my side."

"It’s fortunate for me that I’ve figured it out first; it’s the heavens’ kindness to me, I needn’t consider anything else but wait for you upfront."