“Ino-chan, remind me why you’re subbing in for Sakura-chan?” Sasuke-kun asks me.

I ignore any possible jab he might be implying (a privilege I reserve for handsome guys) and give the PR version, “Why, Sasuke-kun, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about the cross-team coordination improvement program? Tsunade-sama wants us able to switch out members at will in case of an emergency. It’s very important.”

He rolls his eyes. “I just remembered I don’t care.”

“Then don’t bother asking next time, pretty boy.” He bristles but doesn’t reply to my prodding. “Honestly, are you more surprised that my bug-slut girlfriend petitioned the Hokage to put me on this mission, or that Kakashi-san hasn’t been recalled from this C-rank mission to do something actually important yet. No offense, dude,” I tell the dark and handsome lad walking with us.

“N-none taken,” Shibuki, our client, bows his head slightly like he’s acknowledging his mission doesn’t matter. The young man is a tall glass of water with long, brown hair in a ponytail and a Hidden Waterfall headband on his forehead. He wears a single grey shoulder pad over his green shirt and has a calm bearing.

*SCREEEEE!!!*

Shibuki ducks behind Naruto to cower at the piercing sound coming from above, putting the lie to my words. Consider my mild attraction thoroughly crushed.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a messenger hawk from Konoha. Airmail, special delivery,” Kakashi reassures while removing a scroll from the bird’s leg and unrolling it. “Oh. It seems I’m needed elsewhere.”

I glance at Sasuke, who reluctantly meets my gloating gaze as I revel in having called it.

“You can relax, Shibuki-kun, I won’t let anything happen to you, dattebayo!” Naruto places an arm around the young man and pulls him in for a side-hug. Then the blond himbo’s hand drifts low to squeeze Shibuki’s ass. The Hidden Waterfall ninja doesn’t pull away...

Oh, well, consider my mild attraction thoroughly double-crushed.

“Hmm, we are almost there…” Kakashi considers before continuing, “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Finish up this mission and I’ll meet you back in Konoha. Have fun!”

With that, the Jonin copy ninja departs with a Body Flicker, leaving us alone with the client.

“So, Ino-chan, how many?” Sasuke asks me.

“Eh? What’re you talking about?”

“How. Many?”

It takes me another half second to figure out what he means, and then I get ticked off. “Hey! That’s rude, you fudge packer!”

*Cough!*

“H-how is it rude?”

“You can’t just ask a girl how many!”

“What’s going on?” Naruto asks, dumbfounded by the track of the conversation. Shibuki looks equally confused.

I sigh heavily and tap my wrist in a specific pattern. “Fine. It’s time to let them out anyway.”

Kin-Kitty steps out of me first, totally naked. She takes a luxurious stretch once fully emerged. “Good to see and hear again, nya.”

A scroll from my pack summons her Chakra Armor, a pale blue qipao dress with folded-up mechanical batlike wings on her back. She dons the set and poses with one hand on her hip, the other making a ‘peace’ sign.

Then I withdraw another scroll from my pack and release what’s sealed inside. Fubuki pops into existence with a puff of smoke that she waves off, “Still not used to that.” The former Snow ninja wears a similar qipao dress I let her pick out when we went shopping last week.

Sasuke looks around, eyebrow raised in suspicion, “Is that it?”

Shibuki’s eyes are wide, his gaze wild, though Naruto seems relaxed, and he takes his cue from the blond knucklehead.

Shrugging in acquiescence, I reach inside my skirt and momentarily struggle before removing an obstruction with a satisfying squelch.

“Why were you wearing a jewel-butt-plug?” Sasuke says, taken aback. Shibuki is flabbergasted. Naruto, meanwhile, has Naruko’s memories and has seen plenty of crazier crap than this at the harem orgies.

“Tut-tut, Sasuke-kun. You need to sharpen your skills,” I taunt, letting the jewel-butt-plug fall to the ground.

On impact, it disperses in a puff of smoke to reveal Karin (fully clothed) clutching at herself as she revels in the depravity of her chosen hiding place. “I can still feel those soft but firm walls crushing me~! It’s the only way to travel!”

“Ahem,” I interrupt, giving the boys a chance to pick their jaws up off the floor. “The mission?”

““Shibuki-sama! Welcome back!”” a little boy and girl exclaim while running pell-mell towards us. Good thing we got Karin out in the open before the minors showed up!

“Now, now, show a little respect for your Village leader,” he begins, glancing at Naruto to make sure the blond heard that last bit properly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to play with you right now.”

I still can’t believe this guy is the headman of a Hidden Village. Guess our smaller neighbors have lower standards?

“That’s not why we’re here, though,” the boy says.

“Yeah, we’re supposed to clean up the trash by the shore,” the girl adds, motioning to the nearby lake. “Mother is making us pick up every piece!”

“Ah, I see,” Shibuki replies. Then a lightbulb goes off in his head as he turns to us, “Well, I brought you some help! These ninja from the Hidden Leaf are here to lend us a hand.”

“Uhh,” Naruto starts to object.

“We’ll pay you for your time!” Shibuki quickly cuts off the impending refusal. “Think of it as part of the mission.”

“What, do we look like garbage men?” Naruto asks, then glances at my harem sisters and me, “Garbage people

?”

““Thank you! Thank you so much!”” the kids say, ignoring our objections, and that about seals the deal. None of us want to upset a couple of cute tikes like these.

“Cleaning up is what maids do, nya!”

----------------------------------------

A few hours later, we’ve cleared most of the trash from the nearby lake and waterfall. There’s no sign of a Village, though. When Naruto’s stomach rumbles, the kids take that as a cue.

“Thanks for helping us, but you should go find something to eat!” the boy says.

“Yeah, go hunt up some lunch with your ninja skills. We’re fine here!” the girl agrees.

Sasuke leans in toward Naruto and whispers, “They don’t want us to see the secret entrance to their Hidden Village.”

“Hey, wait a minute, kids,” Shibuki objects, his wayward gaze falling on Naruto’s choice ass, causing Sasuke to bristle with jealousy, “They don’t have to leave so soon.” Both children give him a look that says they know he’s making an exception for the hot blond ninja, and they don’t approve. “I’m sure we can find something for them around here. Why don’t we all split into pairs to search? I’ll just take…” his hand reaches for Naruto’s beneath Sasuke’s death-glare when an unexpected scream shatters the scene.

“Mother!” the little girl shouts as a matronly woman stumbles into the clearing. There’s a kunai sticking out of the lady’s back!

“What happened?” Shibuki asks, clearly in shock, so I’ll forgive the dumb question.

“They—*Cough!* *Hack* *Cough!*—attacked without warning! Ugh…” the woman says before keeling over, thankfully unconscious and not dead.

We all rush over to inspect the wound. It doesn’t actually look that bad. “She’ll be okay,” I reassure the kids.

“This is impossible!” Shibuki seems rattled. “How could anyone even find the Village?”

“On account of it being hidden behind the waterfall? Like in the name?” Fubuki deadpans, skeptically raising one of her pink dot-eyebrows. Shibuki and the kids glance away evasively while whistling to themselves.

“Ino-chan, take the children and the woman away,” Sasuke instructs me. “Find a safe place to take care of her.”

I grit my teeth at being sent off like I’m useless, but I can’t bring myself to leave these kids and their injured mother unattended.

“Are you just going to sit here and do nothing?” Naruto stands from the wounded matron’s side to question Shibuki, “Show us the way to your Village and we’ll get these guys, whoever they are, dattebayo!”

“Oh, you will, huh?” Shibuki responds aggressively, getting up close to Naruto’s face while glaring. “I’d like to see that! How could a bunch of Genin help us, anyway?”

“Enemies!” Sasuke grabs them both with a lunge and pushes them to the ground abruptly. The three of them ‘accidentally’ land in a pile, hands somehow finding their way to inner thighs and firm pectorals with only a thin layer of cloth separating skin from skin—but subtlety in this case is unwarranted since they miraculously fell into a three-way kiss. The sheer odds of such a thing… The Uchiha scion breaks the kiss first as he stands and readies a weapon, “Just stay down.”

Four Amegakure Missing-Nin burst from the waterfall throwing scores of kunai at us.

Sasuke unfolds a giant four-bladed Fuma-style shuriken and throws it, “Demon Wing Shuriken!”

The rapidly whirling projectile intercepts all the kunai, doubles back due to the spin Sasuke put on the rotating weapon, splits into two (secretly, this is a re-skinned Shadow Shuriken Jutsu), and rips through three of the four Missing-Nin. That last one is a muscular guy with a sleeveless shirt, arm warmers, and a teal stripe across his nose. He mumbles, “So… they’ve got help, huh?” before disappearing into the waterfall.

“Tch. Got all but one,” Sasuke remarks as he catches and stows his returning Fuma shuriken.

It’s an impressive performance, but I’m not that wowed after hanging around Shino for so long. You know, good for him and shit, but my bitch steals Kekkei Genkai. Naruto, on the other hand, is trying to hide the raging boner tenting his orange jumpsuit, the hardon inspired by his boyfriend’s stone-cold killer attitude.

“Shibuki-sama, are you alright?” the little boy says, checking on the young man cowering in the fetal position nearby.

Said Village headman instantly uncoils and pretends everything is fine, “It’s nothing! I’m just excited is all!”

Not nearly as ‘excited’ as Naruto…

“Now that we’re in this, we’ll see it through to the end. Consider this our new mission,” Sasuke announces.

Fuck, it’s no fair Sasuke is this cool, sexy, and gay at the same time! Argh! Next time, I’ll slaughter the trash mooks and say the badass line! We’ll see how he likes that.

“Yo! Heck yeah! A whole new mission, dattebayo! Nothing like getting in a little combat training before dinner, right Sasuke-kun~?” That boy is crushing hard on the Uchiha scion, not that I blame him. At least I’ve got a bevy of sexy, badass sister-wives to keep me from getting too envious.

Kin-Kitty licks her hand and grooms her furry cat ears. “Weren’t we here to help them anyway, nya?”

“Let’s try and wake this old biddy and get her to nibble me,” Karin offers, which would effectively restore the damage to the children’s mother if we could get her conscious.

“Ahem, so,” Shibuki begins with gravitas, motioning at the lake and waterfall in a grand, sweeping gesture while trying his best to ignore our asides, “These natural surroundings have acted as a barrier between us and most of our enemies over the years. The only way in is through the waterfall.”

Fubuki snorts, “Yep, called it.”

----------------------------------------

Karin and I (Amalgamated into one body) stay with the injured woman and the kids while Kin-Kitty, Fubuki, Naruto, and Sasuke follow Shibuki through the waterfall. We remove the kunai from her back and attempt to treat the wound, but it’d all go faster if she’d just wake up already so she could bite Karin. It’d be even better if I knew Medical Ninjutsu!

Shit, I need to get in on that internship program with the Hokage. No way am I leaving my girl Sakura alone with that ancient bitch for a second!

“There, there, she’ll be alright,” I reassure the crying little girl.

“Mama…”

“Don’t cry, Shizuku-chan! Shibuki-sama will take care of everything!” her brother says.

“I’d sure be surprised if that’s true!” a rogue ninja taunts as he Body Flickers behind me. The man wears his forehead protector on a simple hat, his lower face and body covered by a skin-tight bodysuit. He wears a scarf, grey T-shirt, and overalls. It’s quite the ‘look,’ I’ll give him that.

Before I can react or the enemy can respond, Karin manifests her arms from my sides and slams the ground with her palms, “Wood Release: Strangling Vines!”

The soil erupts with a tangle of green growth that grabs and holds the man’s legs even as he begins to conjure a whip of water. He’s too preoccupied with freeing himself to counter the coup de grace.

“Mind Body Switch Technique!”

I throw my consciousness at the guy, easily entering his body with my mind while he’s immobilized. His will is weak, fragile, and simple to crush. He won’t be freeing himself any time soon. Karin is a good stand-in for Shikamaru, complementing my instant-K.O. jutsu.

“Success,” I announce, my deep voice giving me momentary dysphoria before I reassure myself the change isn’t permanent, and Karin quickly retracts the restraining vines. “Fuck guard duty. Let’s sneak in and wreck their shit!” I tell my redheaded partner, who grins sadistically back at me.

“You’re saying bad words!” the boy says, gasping while covering his little sister’s ears.

I wince, having gotten caught up in the excitement there, “Sorry, kid. Look, you and your family will be fine now. This guy is probably the only one they spared to pick off any stragglers. I’m betting the majority of their forces are busy occupying your Village. Stay hidden, don’t make too much noise, and we’ll return with Shibuki-kun once this is all over.”