CHAPTER 23: DOMESTICATED KNIGHT

A very long moment passed.

Melis’s crimson eyes stayed locked on Nick like a hawk analyzing a frog trying to act like a man.

She didn’t blink or breathe.

Actually, she didn’t even twitch.

Nick awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Uh... hello? Are you alive? Do you underst—"

"UWAH!!" (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

She shot upright with a shriek as her arms flailed.

Then spring-launched him backward with a surprisingly strong shove.

Nick skidded on the grass and landed on one knee.

SHING!

Her battered sword came out in a blur, pointed straight at his forehead with a dull shine.

Her eyes burned with suspicion and disgust.

"WHO ARE YOU!?"

She sounded surprisingly authoritative for a midget.

"ANSWER ME AT ONCE, STRANGER, OR I SHALL SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND!"

Nick just smiled weakly. It was warm and friendly.

The smile people give when they’re trying to calm down an angry chihuahua.

He was just trying his best to look approachable.

"Hey there. I’m Nick, and I promise I’m not—"

A sickening, deep cough croaked in her throat.

PUHFK.

A thick, warm glob of sputum slapped directly onto Nick’s cheek and slid down his face.

It was unbelievably slimy.

『To think I used to enjoy this...』 (ー_ー゛)

Melis stared at him with pure disgust.

Nick’s smile twitched.

He looked like he was about to explode, but somehow he kept that smile plastered on his face.

Still, anyone with half a brain could see the veins bulging at the sides of his forehead as they puffed up like they were about to pop like popcorn.

Unfortunately, Melis didn’t seem that smart.

"You should be glad I stained your face, pig!"

"Trust me, I am..." （ꐦ𝅒_𝅒）

In his head:

『She came into MY backyard. Out of nowhere. And I’m the suspicious one?』

He wiped his cheek slowly.

『There’s no way she’s from this world after that status panel. There’s just... no way.』

He inhaled sharply.

『And seriously... if someone was gonna spawn here... why HER? Why not I dunno... Merlin? Or Ardan? Hell, I’d even take Aldura. She can be a headache but that’s only when Merlin’s around or something...』

Nick frowned. Barely.

It was enough.

Melis narrowed her eyes like a territorial housecat and raised her sword tip and lifted his chin with it.

She was small—but not tiny.

Just enough that when she stood over Nick, his head naturally lined up to her chest.

『She’s kinda ike Eurvaine. Just slightly bigger. And ten times more unbearable.』

She pushed the tip more firmly under his chin.

"You will answer my questions."

She somehow managed to sound dangerous.

"Who are you? Where have you come from?"

Nick grimaced.

"That’s literally my line—"

PUAH!!

Another thick spit to the face.

"How DARE you interrupt a Knight Commander!?"

Melis shouted as she trembled in fury.

"Do you WISH to lose your life!?"

Nick closed his eyes and pursed his lips.

Then for no reason he smiled with lips pressed firmly.

He almost looked at peace, as if he wasn’t going to let this midget provoke him.

『I won’t fall for ragebait...』

His patience snapped in half like a dry twig.

He took a very long breath... stood up silently... turned around... and simply walked away.

Melis flinched like he’d stabbed her instead.

"H... H... Hey! S-STOP!" .·°՞(ᗒ□ᗕ)՞°·.

She shouted with a fragile voice as she scrambled after him in panic.

"You insolent wretch! You will HALT THIS INSTANT or I’ll have you punished directly by the SHINING GENERAL HIMSELF! Do you hear me—!?"

Nick yawned but didn’t stop.

He slid open the backyard glass door with the bored look of a man done with all bullshit in life.

Then stepped inside and closed it.

BANG!!

Melis ran straight into the glass panel nose-first.

Her whole face squished like a startled kitten doll.

A small red blotch formed on her cheek.

She staggered back, dazed.

"It... seems my body is... still weak..." (III╥_╥⁠)

She placed her hand reverently on the glass.

Then gasped.

"Th... This is... superior-tier [Barrier Magic]!?"

She gasped even louder.

†A lost art!? I—I’ve never seen a barrier so solid!"

She straightened proudly and flipped her tattered red scarf with theatrical flair.

"Fortunately... I happen to be one of the foremost barrier sorcerers in the kingdom!"

She chuckled proudly. Fufufu! ( ꈍ◡ꈍ)

Nick stood in the open kitchen washing sputum off his face with a flat expression and eyes half-lidded from her loud grunting and magical yelling.

『There’s no way she came here intentionally.』

He shook his head.

『She’s way too stupid for that.』

He dried himself with a small towel.

『But she probably knows Ardan, which means ignoring her would cause even more problems...』

Meanwhile, Melis was still pointing both arms at the glass door, making dramatic spellcasting noises that sounded like someone forcing out a fart.

Hours later.

Nick sat at the impressive potioneering station he’d set up in the kitchen.

He crushed herbs with the noise-suppressed mortar as he mumbled like a true alchemist.

"Granulating these leaves to 2 millimeters..."

"Pre-drying at level two heat...

"Extracting at 43 degrees to avoid bittering..."

Steam floated gently above the glass cauldron.

He added a measured drop of glowing liquid.

"Alright... stabilizing... c’mon, don’t curdle on me—"

CURDLE.

The entire mixture turned muddy brown.

[ⓘ Attempt failed! You’ve acquired Muddled Sludge]

‣ Effect: None

‣ Smell: Terrible

‣ Use: Maybe fertilizer?

Nick’s eyelid twitched.

He tried another recipe.

Measured and timed perfectly.

He lifted the vial.

Another panel popped.

[ⓘ Attempt failed! You’ve acquired Bitter Residue]

‣ Rank: Trash

‣ Taste: Regret

‣ Use: Underhanded tactics in battle

He stared at his vials, all lined up.

Every single one had a depressing red "FAIL" tag floating above it.

He sighed.

"I’m following every damn step... even pre-boiling for cleaner extracts... so why—"

BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!

He looked up.

Melis was smashing her fist on the glass door again.

Her eyes were watery. Red around the edges.

Even her lower lip trembled severely. (ó﹏ò｡)

A grown adult on the verge of a toddler meltdown.

"Y... Y...YOUR BARRIER MAGIC—"

She sniffled as her delicate voice cracked.

"It’s... i... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen...!"

Nick yawned and walked back to the cauldron.

Melis puffed up, offended at being ignored.

"How dare you disregard a Knight Commander!?"

Nick didn’t look at her.

"When you’re ready to apologize properly, I’ll make sure to let you in."

He sounded like an adult talking to a spoiled child.

Her mouth hung open.

She pressed her face to the glass, cheeks squished as her tears shimmered.

"I’m soww... soww..." （╥﹏╥）

But she still refused to bow her pride.

Nick nodded, still sifting plant extracts.

"Yeah, have fun cooking in armor under the sun."

Her eyes widened in offense.

She unsheathed her battered sword again.

Raised it.

About to slash down on the glass.

Nick screamed.

"HEY—HEY! WAIT!! DON’T YOU DARE!!"

He wiped his hand against his apron.

"I JUST GOT THIS PLACE!!!"

He rushed over and practically tackled the door open.

Melis froze.

Her sword drooped.

Her red eyes sparkled like beautiful rubies.

"A-, Amazing...! You unsealed the barrier..."

She whispered reverently:

"This... this lost spell... could save so many wounded knights in war..."

Nick put both hands on his hips.

"This isn’t Camelot, you idiot. This is a country called the United States."

Melis blinked at him.

Those innocent, big red eyes.

Her small body wobbling slightly.

Her face smudged in dirt.

Her clueless look.

Nick felt his frustration collapse in on itself.

"Look, just—forget I said ’idiot’ okay?"

He itched the back of his head.

"Just come in for now."

He turned and walked toward the kitchen.

Silence.

He paused. No footsteps.

"Huh...?"

He looked back.

Melis was cautiously waving her hand through the empty doorway like testing for traps.

Then her leg.

Then her head.

Then—she turned around and backed in to wiggle her butt through the threshold.

That was the biggest and roundest part of her body.

Nick stared, head tilted.

Her pleated black skirt swayed like she was doing a subtle popstar booty shake on stage.

She caught him staring and glared.

"This is NOT an act of prostitution! So you must not fall for my charms? I am merely being carefu—"

Her knees buckled and her eyes drooped.

She swayed forward.

『It seems I haven’t gotten much sleep... with all these subjugation missions...』

THWMP—SQUEAK!!

She collapsed face-first onto the hardwood floor.

The sound was identical to a kids’ squeaky toy getting stepped on.

That was a fair description... after all she looked more like a murderous dull than an elegant knight.

Nick stared blankly.

"I can’t deal with this..."

A chime echoed.

[ⓘ QUEST AVAILABLE]

[Nurse Melis Varn back to full health!]

‣ Reward: «Subjugation Collar» x3

‣ Penalty for refusal:

• Melis Varn will perish

• Timeline instability risk increased

• Your relationship with Ardan will be stunted

Nick slapped a hand over his face.

"Of COURSE. Of course this is happening."

He let out a long and loud groan.

══════

A very, very long silence.

A silence so deep it felt like a thick blanket pressing over the world.

Melis floated inside it.

No—she wasn’t floating; she simply was.

In darkness and stillness.

In a strange, weightless cold that felt... oddly peaceful.

『Where... is this...?』

Her own thoughts echoed like they were bouncing inside an empty sphere.

『The air... it’s so clean... wow. There’s no miasma or beast-breath... no mana distortion...』

She strained her senses. Nothing.

Not even a distant critter crawling under the bushes.

『There aren’t any creatures nearby at all... it’s like their sounds have been drowned out. Or maybe there are no beast domains here? Is that possible? No...』

Her mind trembled.

『Am I dead? No, no... wait...』

A faint noise pulsed through the void.

GUSHHH...

And then a soft click-wirr... click-wirr...

Water being poured.

Something rotating gently.

『A waterwheel...? No... some kind of... device?』

The cold blanket pressed deeper into her skin.

『My body feels... freezing... but... but it’s nice... like the Ice Continent winds...』

Her heart skipped.

『Don’t tell me... did someone warp me there—!?』

The darkness suddenly cracked.

Light stabbed through her limited vision.

She gasped as her eyes snapped open.

The first thing she saw was Nick.

He was right in front of her.

Leaning over the bed with a small bottle in hand.

Melis blinked once. Twice.

She was lying on a bed. A really soft one.

Covered in some foreign blanket.

Her eyes widened like lanterns. ( : ౦ ‸ ౦ : )

"Wh... what... what are you doing...?"

Her voice was expectedly thin and frail.

But even so—

"Are you... trying to... drug me... so you can... have your way with me...?"

Nick stared at her and just laughed this time.

"No. This is a medicine..."

He gave her a gentle pat on the head.

"You’ve been out for about three hours.

"I’ve been giving you one bottle every hour.

He pointed at the empty potion bottles in the corner.

"This is the third."

He reached out.

His hand cupped her tiny chin gently.

His thumb pressed her jaw downward.

"Okay, open up. Say ahhh."

Melis inhaled sharply.

Her body felt weak... enough that she couldn’t resist.

But inside her head?

『Oho... this peasant... quite bold...』

Her lips curled upwards ever so slightly.

『He treats me with such devotion... I suppose a small fief wouldn’t be too big a reward. Maybe two villages, even. And they say Knight Commander Varn is cruel. Yes... he shall be compensated for his loyalty...』 ( ˘ᴗ˘ )

Her smile widened as her mouth hung open.

She waited for the potion to pour.

She waited... and waited... and kept on waiting.

Nothing came.

"...?"

Her eyes flicked upward.

Nick’s expression had not changed.

But something else had.

He inhaled deeply.

From the back of his throat.

A horrible, throat-scraping sound rattled in his chest.

Melis’s eyes went wide.

WIDER. WIDEEEER. (⊙ _ ⊙ )

『Wait... wait wait wait WAIT... he wouldn’t... He’d be insane to try such with m—』

Nick leaned in.

Melis choked out a tiny squeak of terror.

"AH—WA—WAIT—!" (˶°ㅁ°)!!

cough—HRRK—GOHHH

The disgusting sound of saliva traveled up his throat.

Her pupils shrank to dots.

"NO—NO NO NO—!"

But her voice was still too weak—barely air.

Nick’s smile sharpened.

PAYBACK.

"Open wide."

"W-... WAIT—! I’LL APOLOGIZE! I’LL—"

He spat.

A fat, heavy glob of warm sputum launched straight into her open mouth.

SPLUT.

It hit the back of her throat.

Her body jolted violently.

Her arms flailed like a drowning child.

But Nick slammed her mouth shut with both hands.

"MWMG—!! MGHHHH—!!!"

Her cheeks puffed.

Her eyes exploded into tears.

Her legs kicked uselessly under the blanket.

"MMPH—!! MMFF—!!"

Nick leaned closer and whispered.

"Payback."

He even added an evil little—

"Muhahaha."

Melis tried to scream—

But all that came out was a miserable muffled gurgle as she choked on the thick slime.

Her entire face turned redder than her own eyes.

She swallowed by reflex.

Nick stepped back and wiped his hands on his apron with deep satisfaction.

Melis lay there, limp and trembling.

Tears streamed from her eyes.

She pointed one shaky finger at him.

"You... you... monster..."

Nick smirked faintly.

"Say thank you. I just saved your life."

Melis curled up like a dying hamster.

『THIS MAN IS BARBARIC—!!!』

Nick rolled up his sleeves.

"Alright. Bottle number three."

He shook the potion.

"The actual medicine this time."

She instantly scrambled back into the pillow.

"N... NO!! N... NOT ANOTHER ONE!!"

Nick held up the potion.

"It’s literally healing potion."

"It could be POISON!!"

"You just swallowed something way worse."

Melis shrieked internally.

He pinched her chin again.

"Open."

"No..."

"Open."

"No..." (⇀‸↼‶)

He leaned down.

His eyebrow twitched threateningly.

Melis whimpered like a punished puppy.

"Ahhh..."

And this time—

He really did pour the potion.

She gulped it down while sobbing softly. (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Nick wiped her lip with a towel.

"There. Was that so hard?"

Melis sniffled.

"To think I’ve been domesticated by a peasant..."

Nick patted her forehead.

"Sure, idiot."

She sulked deeper into the blanket as her face steamed in humiliation.

But secretly...

[ⓘ Melis has taken a liking to you!]